La Maison 1: Colors (Complete: manxman)

28 - Revelation

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Mateo is thankful his roommate has gone home for the weekend, and that he had the foresight to clean things up before he headed to the club. He hadn't truly expected River to come home with him, even as he requested it, but optimism always burns bright in the happy-go-lucky man's chest. 

They sit on Mateo's bed – Mateo casual against the wall, River more formally perching on the edge, both of them sipping from brown bottles, condensation dripping down the side. 

"Why did you ask me to come?" River finally asks. 

"Did you do a scene with someone tonight?" Mateo asks instead of answering. 

"Yes. Master Alexander. Why? Are you jealous?" but the question isn't harsh, more confused. 

"A bit." 

"Why? You never wanted anything more than fooling around." 

"Maybe I did, I just didn't realize it." 

"And you've realized it now?" 

Mateo can't tell what River is thinking. He just knows he has to be honest. 

"Yes. I know it doesn't matter now. I know what you want now isn't something I can offer you. I know it's too late." 

"Why are you so sure about that?" River looks a little frustrated.

"I've seen how you've changed since you did this training. You've become more self-assured, more confident. I like it, but I know it means you won't settle for second best. I know that's what I am now." 

"If I'm so confident, why don't you let me make that decision?" the frustration is growing. 

"But I'm not a Dom." 

"I know you're not. So why did you ask me to come here? Why are you telling me this, if you're sure it's too late?" 

"I suppose there's a small part of me that hopes it might not be," Mateo sounds lost, like a child.

"I need you to be more specific, Mateo. You know how I felt about you, I know I was a ridiculous lost puppy when it came to you, and you didn't want to be tied to that. I get it. But I still don't see what's changed. Are you bothered because we can't be fuck buddies?" 

Mateo speaks quietly, "I don't want to be fuck buddies with you anymore, River." 

"No?" River's soft voice holds a challenge.

"Shit, you're going to make me say it, aren't you? No matter how pointless it is?" 

River has a small smile on his face now, "Yes. Yes, I think I am. I think that's the least I deserve." 

"Fine. I love you, River. I was a fucking idiot for not realizing it back then, and an even bigger idiot for realizing it now, when it's too late." 

River's shoulders slump, his impeccable posture lost for a moment before he straightens again, turning and crawling across the bed to where Mateo leans. 

"You have a choice, Mateo. They can train you, you know." 

"I'm not a Dom, River." 

"Maybe not. But you are dominant. Why do you think we had such incredible sex?" 

"So? I can't do the other stuff. Taking over your life, telling you what to do all the time. I love you, I don't want to control you." 

"Even if that's what I want?" 

Mateo is torn. Could he? Could he do that if that's what River wants? Even though it would feel strange, would he do that for the man he loves if it would mean they could be together? 

"I really don't know, River. I mean, how long before the cracks showed? How long before I wasn't giving you what you wanted? I love you, River, and I already know that if you let me in, with your pure heart, I'll love you more and more every day, and I'm just not sure my heart could take it going bad because I wasn't the man you needed me to be." 

"Mateo. You already are the man I need you to be. I've loved these past months, but I'd give it up in a heartbeat for you." 

"I wouldn't ask you to." 

"So what then?" 

A decision is made - Mateo refuses to accept a stalemate when he can feel himself so close to his goal. 

"You said they could train me?" 

River leans forward, covering Mateo's mouth with his, still for a moment, hoping Mateo works it out. He does, grasping the back of River's head, flipping him with ease so he can cover his lean body, spreading his lips so he could push his tongue firmly inside, taking control of the kiss, making sure that River can feel the desire and the commitment it carries. When they're both running out of air, Mateo breaks the kiss, staring deeply into River's eyes. 

"Fuck, you're so gorgeous. And I love you. I can't quite believe I'm going to do this though." 

"You nervous?" 

"Yeah. I mean, have you seen how smooth and confident those guys are? I'm going to look like a total noob. Who will do it?" 

"I don't know. You might not get to choose, but I think we should ask Master Gray." 

"That seems like a good idea. He's super hot." 

River laughs, "Not really what it's about, but okay." 

"So, do you want to tell me what Master Alexander did to you?" 

"Do you want me to?" 

"Fuck yeah," Mateo kisses down River's exposed throat, nipping at the skin, "it might give me some ideas." 

River raises an elegant eyebrow, "You're not a possessive guy, are you Mat?" 

"No...shit that's the wrong answer isn't it? I'm meant to be super possessive aren't I?" 

River chuckles, "You know what, I'm okay with you being chilled about that. I'm not a big fan of jealousy, and hey, maybe we can use that to have some fun." 

"You mean, like, with other people?" 

"Yes." 

"There you go, I told you I'd love you more every day, and it's only been twenty minutes." 

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