Out of Desperation Came Forever After

Chapter 8

JENNA'S POV:

It was a rude awakening the next "morning". I don't even know if we slept a full 8 hours. Or...maybe we slept for 24 hours. Who knew?
It just sucked being awakened by Vince and Marcus standing over us, kicking us in the shoulders to wake us up.
We opened our eyes, and they were standing there, and there was a needle in Vince's hand.
What did they have planned for us NOW??
I looked over at Ethan, who was wiping his eyes, and he looked over at me. Worry was on both of our faces.
Last night was sooo great....I never wanted the reality of our situation to come back. But here it was. In full force....complete with a syringe. Lovely.

In through the doorway walked "Sir".
He asked how we were...airquotes..."making out".
Ethan finally let him down and told him we weren't a couple. We'd only just met the night he found us.
Sir didn't really seem to believe it, but he was intrigued.
Then, he gave Vince a nod, and nodded towards Ethan.
Sir isn't a man of many explanations or conversations, I've noticed. He just comes, orders people to commit violence, and goes. Fucking coward.
Vince bent over, and Marcus held a gun out towards me.
Vince lifted Ethan's arm, and sunk the needle into his forearm. Right through his sleeve of tattoos.
Ethan didn't seem to like needles. Which was weird, for someone with so many tattoos.
I had started to move towards Ethan, wanting to stop Vince, but Marcus was right there with the gun at my head. Ethan put his other arm out and tried to block me with it so I wouldn't make more trouble.
He was right, but....what the hell were they injecting into him? Would he die? Is that why they left us alone last night? So we could have one last night?
Vince and Marcus walked off the mattress, and went to the door.
I HAD to ask. "Sir....please....what was that you gave him?"
Sir said "Good luck! Hope you make it."
But he said it to ME. He hoped I made it? Ethan was the one who had just been stabbed with who knows what. It could have been HIV. Who fucking knew with these monsters?
He walked through the door, then turned and said "Nasty nasty drugs."
I had NO idea what to think. That only confirmed that I guess it wasn't a disease.

Ethan's POV:

Being kicked awake wasn't my idea of a good morning. Then, getting a needle in the arm from a non-medical person didn't make it any better. Sounds like they injected me with some drug. I have no clue what, or what it will do to me. But I'm guessing it's not gonna be something mild. Not with these people.
After the fuckers left the room, I told Jenna I apologize for any odd way I might act when the drug kicks in. She just hoped I'd be alive. That was her concern. She said at least it wasn't a disease, like AIDS or something nasty. I guess that's a good thing.
But I've taken some effed up drugs before in my years. They can make for some fucked up times.
And I've seen friends and people on all sorts of things....it wasn't pretty.
I was starting to get nervous. Or...was the drug kicking in? I had no idea.
We layed there, waiting and wondering what would happen. The morning sucked too much already to really talk.

***I remember flashes of having the start of a really bad mood. Like...a "mood ache". I was just really pissed off.
I remember flashes of looking down at Jenna, and her eyes were red and soaked and shut. Her face was wet with tears. Her hair was a mess, sticking all over her face. I didn't know what was wrong with her. I didn't even know HER. I was confused. I just leaned over her, staring, not knowing what I was doing.
And then, I'd black out again.
I remember flashes of coming to again and my fingers were wrapped tightly in her hair at the top of her head. She was straining her neck to move, but she was pinned to the mattress under me.
Again, I was totally lost and not knowing what was going on.
And again, I was gone.
I remember flashes of her screaming. And of a struggle.
I don't remember much of anything else. ***

I opened my eyes and I was crumpled in a ball. And I was naked.
I was half on the mattress and half off. My head hurt like a bitch. I stared for a while, trying to come to my senses. Then, I remembered Jenna.
I bolted upright even through the pain and dizziness. This again? Bloody hell....
I looked around, and didn't see Jenna, until I turned to the darkest corner of the room. The one opposite the little light.
She was there. Leaning against the wall, huddled into a little ball. just like I was when I woke up. Only she was dressed. This was good. I think.
She had her hands tucked behind her head, like she was holding it. Her face was covered by her elbows.
I searched around for my underwear. Finally found them under the crumpled up sheet.
I put them on, nearly falling in my rush to get to Jenna.
I stumbled across the room and bent down near her.
She opened her eyes, moved her elbows away from her face, saw me, her eyes widened, and she screamed and jumped up and ran across the room and squatted down in the corner under the light.
She was facing into the corner. Holding her head. Hugging herself. Switching back and forth. Breathing heavy, in a total panick.
I started walking across the room to her. "Jenna?" I said her name softly.
"Jenna, what's wrong?"
She didn't move. Didn't respond. She stopped breathing so heavy. That was the ony difference.
I moved closer, cautiously. "Jenna, please....what's wrong? It's me. Ethan. It's ok. I promise. What happened? What did they do to you?"
I walked up to her and slowly squatted down behind her. I lifted a section of her hair away from the side of her face. She looked terrible. Her face was covered in dirty tear streaks. Her shirt I noticed was sort of stretched out. Her underwear were sagging a bit too, now that I noticed.
And she had a few bruises around her wrists.
WHAT. THE. HELL.
I got pissed off, and took her by the arm. I gently turned her towards me and pushed the rest of the hair out of her face. She kept her head down. She wouldn't look up at me.
Just then, the sliding door started opening.
I stood up in front of her, blocking her from whoever came into the room this time.
It was Marcus.
MARCUS. That fucking rapist. If he didn't have a gun, I'd fucking find the strength to snap his fucking neck. I could barely stand to look at him, knowing what he did.
He turned back out the door and lifted up a small tv and put it in the room. Then he turned and lifted up a VCR player. When was the last time I saw one of THOSE?
He came towards me and handed me a VHS tape, smiled a nasty monsterous smile, and left and closed the door.
I turned to Jenna. She was staring at one certain spot on the ceiling, over the bed.
She then looked right at the tape in my hands. Her eyes about burst out of her head, and she bolted up and ran to me and grabbed it. She tucked it into her shirt over her belly and squatted back into the corner facing the wall.

I'd had enough of this mysterious morning. I needed to know WHAT was going on, and REAL SOON.
"Jenna. What is happening? Give me the tape. Please. I'm not kidding. Give it to me."
She finally spoke. "You don't want to know."
"Yes. I do want to know. What is on the tape? Do YOU know? Just tell me then if you don't want me to see it. What is it? And what is wrong with you?" I asked desperately as I walked toward her again. I leaned down and tried to grab the tape.
She yelled at me. "You do NOT want to see this tape. Just trust me and leave it alone. Please. Trust me." And she started crying.

I told her ok. I wouldn't watch the tape. But I wanted her to TELL me what was on it.
I was starting to get really paranoid now. SHE knew something I didn't. What the fuck happened when I was sleeping?
She warned me again, "Just drop it. I mean it."

"Well then....can I hug you? You won't let me come near you. Why?"
She told me "just give me some time. I need time. Go away."

And the damn door opened again.
Vince came in with his gun, and aimed it right at my head. I stood there frozen and moved my eyes only to look over at Jenna.
"Give him the tape. NOW." Vince ordered.
Jenna looked up and stared in shock.
She looked over at Vince. Then at me.
She reached down and pulled out the tape from her shirt.
She handed it to me.
She looked me right in the eyes, and seemed to desperately try and "tell" me something with her eyes only. Probably to NOT watch the tape.
Vince kept the gun at my head. And pointed to the TV and VCR.
He pushed me with his one gunless hand.
I turned and went to plug in the tv and vcr.
I put the tape in and turned on the tv.
Nothing was happening. I noticed a spare wire, I guess that connected the two devices together.
That worked.
The tape started. I saw me and Jenna laying on the mattress, from above. I looked up at that spot Jenna was staring at a few minutes ago. A tiny hole. Where there was obviously a camera watching us.
I looked over at her still standing in the corner. She was shaking her head back and forth as if saying no no no, repeatedly.
I turned to Vince, standing there behind me with his gun.
"I don't want to watch the tape. I know what's on it. Jenna told me" I lied.
"Bullshit. You see that camera?" he asked, pointing to that spot Jenna found on the ceiling.
I'm gonna leave now, and you're gonna watch the tape. And if I see your head turn away from the tv for a fucking second, I'm going to come back in here and shoot her in the head. You got that?" he warned.

"Yes.I got it', I said solemnly.
I looked at Jenna one more time. Then sat down in front of the tv. Her and I were still lying there. I was apologizing to her for what might happen when the drug kicked in.
I remember this! This isn't so bad.
Oh. Wait....I don't remember anything else. I just remember sleeping, and waking up to Jenna being scared of me. And some weird, "fuzzy" scenes in my head that keep popping up since I woke up.
What the HELL did I do? I shivered so hard inside my body, it felt like I would cramp up.
Vince put his gun away and walked out and shut the door.
I remembered that I wasn't allowed to look away from the tv.
I better not.

As I watched, I saw myself get angrier and angrier. Very agitated. My face got flush too.
I saw Jenna seem to disassociate herself with me. I guess she could tell the drug was kicking in. She knew this wasn't me. I guess she figured if she just ignored me, it might help.
But apparently it wasn't helping.
Oh boy. How bad did I get? I didn't want to watch any more of this. But I wanted to know how angry I got. Did I hurt her? She does have bruises on her wrists.....shit. Maybe that's why she won't let me near her. I gulped hard and continued watching. I wonder if the camera in the ceiling would show if I closed my eyes? I better not take the chance. I wanted to look over at Jenna, but I wasn't allowed to take my eyes off the tv. I could hear her jagged breathing, though. She wasn't happy. I felt so bad for her. She'd finally convinced me not to ask about or watch the tape from last night, and now here I was. Forced to see what I did when FORCED to take drugs.
At least the sound wasn't good quality, and very low. Maybe I wouldn't be able to hear every assinine thing I said on drugs.......wait......what the HELL am I doing now on the tape?

JENNA'S POV:


We were lying there on the bed, waiting for the drug to take effect. At first I thought Ethan was being impatient. But then I realized, the drug was actually taking effect already. It didn't start out in a good direction. He was getting agitated. Angry. Paranoid. The things he was saying. Further along, he actually blamed me for him being here. Said I was probably teamed up with the muggers in that alley that night. Said kidnapping him and bringing him here was all part of my plan to get his money. He has money? He didn't mention being rich when we talked the other night. Probably just the drugs talking.
He was getting intolerable now. So I did what I thought would help. I rolled over facing away from him and pretended to be asleep. But it didn't help. He kept saying hurtful, rude, ignorant things. It was hard to hear those things out of his mouth, knowing how nice of a guy he was. It was hard a few times to keep in mind that he was drugged. It was the DRUGS making him say these things. It was the drugs making him angry. He didn't really mean these things. I think...

Then, things started to quickly go way way downhill. And things happened that I could not bear. Could not believe. Could not get out of my head. All I could think of was what what this mystery drug did to this gentle, sweet, caring teddy bear of a man. Unbelieveable.
I tried several times, to get him to snap out of it, and realize it was ME. Jenna.
And I thought a few times, he might have came back to himself. But it was so quick....he'd stop and stare into my eyes, with a confused look and then I could see the rage take over again, and he was gone in an instant.
How would I be able to face him after the drugs wore off? Would he remember what happened? How would he live with himself if he remembered, or found out what he did to me?
I hoped with all my being that he wouldn't remember, and would never, ever find out.
The way he feels guilt so easily, I think this would drive him over the edge crazy in sane. I hoped I could deal with it smoothly enough that he didn't get suspicious of what happened.
Please. Don't remember this, Ethan. Pleeeeeeease. And please...don't kill me. It actually seemed like he might after he was done doing what he unwillingly did to me. That's all I could think as I layed there, pinned beneath his body, which covered me totally. As I layed there trapped as he slapped me in the face. Pinned my wrists above my head. Being strangled by him.  And him having his very very rough, abusive way with me.



Ethan's POV:


As I watched the horror on the tape unfold, I started to get little flashbacks of it in real life. Jenna's tear smeared face. Her hair sticking to her wet face. Her screaming. Her struggling. Her lying still, having given up.
And as I watched the horror on the tape unfold, the tears poured out of my eyes. My crying turned to sobs. It became almost impossible to keep my eyes open, let alone look at the tv. But I HAD to.
If the threat about me moving my face away from the tv had been that they would shoot ME in the head...I would have stopped watching it long ago, and waited for the bullet that would have ended my mental pain. That's how bad this tape was.
I sat there, indian style, facing the tv screen like an obedient boy, sobbing so loud, and so hard, my entire body was shaking so hard that my bones hurt, praying this was just a dream and I'd wake up soon and this would not have happened.
But I wasn't waking up.
I was sobbing so hard, I couldn't breathe. But I didn't care. Wait. Yes I did. If I passed out from not catching my breath, would that count as not watching the screen? Would they come and kill Jenna for that? I decided to try and catch my breath. But it was impossible.
I was so hurt and so mortified, all I could do was sob "Noooooo. No. No. No. No no no...Jenna....I'm sorry. My God I'm sorry.....Jenna....." I tried to say over and over again.

Finally the tape ended and went to fuzz. It was over. But...it had happened. And I'd never be the same. Jenna wouldn't be the same. Nothing would be the same between us, either.
She would hate me for the rest of her life. I was nothing more than a monster, just like our captors.
Only I was worse, because she trusted me. I was supposed to be her...friend. Even though I wanted so much more than friendship. And now, I'd NEVER have it. There was absolutely NO chance for her to ever fall in love with me now, as I'd secretly hoped. I'd absolutely wrecked this poor girl.
This mental torture and terrible thoughts and realizations went on and on in my head as did my sobs.
I was allowed to leave the tv screen now, right?
Good.

I weakly and shakily stood up and finally looked at Jenna. I looked at her feet, because I couldn't bear to look her in the eyes. I didn't want to see the hate she now had towards me.
But I wanted so badly to go to her. Comfort her. Tell her that person wasn't me.
I wanted to make her all better. Take her pain away. Make her forget that monster, and remember ME. She was sitting there, knees up to her chin, forehead rested on her knees. Her arms and hands were limp on the ground beside her. She had those post crying jagged breath sobs, like babies and little kids do after they throw a fit and cry real hard. Now I see why she was scared of me when I first woke up. She probably thought I was still on the drugs at first.
It hit me that now I'd never feel that warm electric feeling I felt every single time she touched me.
I loved that feeling. I'd never felt it before. And now I'd never feel it again.
If she wanted her distance before, this WORLD wouldn't be big enough for her to escape me now.
I felt soooooo SAD. Just so sad. How could I be so weak? How could I let a drug effect me like that? Did I actually have a part of me that dark inside? Did I actually subconsiously WANT to do that, so it came out?
My entire mind was messed up. Who the hell WAS I?
How was I capable of this? My hands were shaking so hard.

I looked over at the metal door, and slowly backed up across to the far end of the room. Then I ran full speed back towards it, which wasn't very fast, because the room was only maybe 30 feet by 20 feet. I ran to it with my head tilted down, hoping for the best. The best meaning being knocked out so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain for a while, and even better being...knocked out permanently. Forever. I just couldn't think straight. I only knew that I couldn't go on knowing what I had done to someone, let alone her. We were never getting out of here anyway. Might as well be done the mental and physical torture. I just didn't know what else to do, but ram my head into the door. It was one of those moments where you can't see it EVER getting better. Even though it alway does. Sooner or later, it does. But I couldn't see it. And I've never not seen it before.
I saw a blur of motion move across the room from Jenna's corner to the door in front of me, out of the corner of my eye.
Oh! It was Jenna. She was now standing against the door with her arms outstretched on either side of her. What was she doing?
I had to put on my "brakes" quickly. Luckily I didn't have room enough to build up much momentum.
I stopped just 2 feet from her.
Puzzled, I looked her in the eyes. "What are you..."
"Don't", she demanded. "Don't you dare hurt yourself. Now you see why I didn't want you to see that.
I was relieved that you didn't remember last night. But I couldn't heal fast enough to act like nothing happened, like I'd planned. Not that it would have mattered. They would have ruined my entire plan anyway."
"Jenna, I'm a monster. Just LIKE them" I insisted.
"No Ethan. You were DRUGGED. Don't ever forget that. That wasn't you on that tape. That was THEM.
THEY did this.
Yes. It was terrible. Yes. It was hard to separate your actions from you, because, well...it WAS physically you. But I'm dealing with that. Just like I dealt with what they did to me the other day. I'll be ok. I promise. Like I said earlier, I just need a little time.
But don't you DARE hurt yourself. I'll be TRULY hurt, if you do. Because THAT will have been YOUR choice. And you will have CHOSEN to leave me here alone.
So don't you dare try and smash your head into the door, or anything else.
Just deal with it, and get over it. It's all you can do. Just like me.
It happened. It sucked. It's over. She took a big jagged breath in and out.
Please. Don't leave me here." she cried now, as she finished her speech.

"May I hug you?" I asked in a weak, desperate whisper.
She stared at me and thought about it.
I couldn't take it any longer.
I didn't care what she thought of me. I just didn't care. I don't care if she thought I was funny looking. If she thought I was fat and ugly. I HAD to tell her how I felt about her.
I had to get it out now, before I didn't have a chance later.

Just as she opened her mouth to answer me, I put my finger up towards her mouth, and told her "Wait. I have something to say".
She closed her mouth and tried to stop her crying so she could hear me.
"Jenna. My angel. I know you might not want to hear this, but I can't keep it in any longer. And anything might happen any minute in here. So I have to tell you, that......"

I looked down at my feet now. Could I say it? Would she laugh at me? Hate me more?
Should I do this? Yes. Keep going. Just do it. What have I got to lose?

"That....Jenna, I LOVE you." I sighed. What. A. Relief.
I continued when I caught my breath again. "The night in the alley....when we were running...when we were hiding in the doorway....when you took my hand. When I finally got a look at you....
I fell in love. I didn't NEED to "know you" yet. It was already apparent what kind of person you were, by what you did for me. For a stranger. And then the way you wouldn't leave me, even in dire circumstances. The way I felt safe with you. The way you've cared for me through this entire ordeal. The laughs we shared that night when we DID get to know eachother.
And don't laugh, but...everytime you touch me, I get a strange feeling, that I've NEVER gotten from anyone else, ever.
It's like an electric feeling. An electric warmth. And it feels so good...it's better than sex.
I don't know what that is. But I love it. And you're the only one I can feel it with. And now that I've experienced it, I don't ever want to be without it", and as I said that part, her jaw dropped and she sucked in a sharp quick breath. But I didn't stop talking.
"I'm sorry if I'm too clingy or I act like I care for you too much. But it's not because you saved me.
It's not because I owe you or anything. It's because I can't keep away from you.
Because I truly do care about you, and if something happened to you, I would lose my mind.
When things DO happen to you...I lose my mind.
What I did to you last night....there aren't even words in the English language that can say how sorry and ashamed I am. But you're right. It DID happen. And all I want to do right now, is hold you. I want to hold you while you deal with it. While you heal.
I understand if you can't heal in the arms of the person who did something so terrible to you.
I get it.
But if you need someone, if you need to be held. If you need to cry...if you need someone to beat up, even...I'm here. I want to be here. I want to be whatever you need.
And I pray that you can forgive me.
I'm sorry I am powerless to protect you from these people who are trying to hurt us. But I do what I can. And I will always do whatever I can to keep you safe.
You're not into me like I'm into you. I know this. Even though sometimes it feels like you are.
And in those moments, I'm so happy, I could explode.
And it's ok if you don't like me. It won't change my feelings for you, and it won't change my being here for you and protecting you whenever I get the chance.
Every moment I get with you...every touch of your hand on mine....I'll still appreciate and savor.
I love you Jenna.
Please don't be sad.
For what it's worth....I'm sorry."

Ahhh. I finally got it out.
I sighed a huge sigh, and even I had the post crying jagged breath sobs, just like a child.
I looked down at my feet, and then back up at her. I could barely see through my sore red eyes.
The tears were pouring out of her eyes like a waterfall. She looked directly into my eyes, her mouth gaping open wide.

"Tingles", she said.

I looked at her with scrunched eyebrows. "Huh?"

"Tingles. That's what I call it when I touch you and I feel that...electric feeling you described.
I thought for sure it was just me feeling it. I can't believe you experience the same thing."
Her lips twitched just a speck, as if it was the start of a smile.
"I figured you were just being nice all this time, because I tried to help you and you felt bad about the way it turned out for me. But if you're telling the truth, and you actually....love me....for ME, and not just for what I tried to do for you.....then.......I'm so glad, that I could explode, too.
Because I can't get enough of you.
When I saw you laying on the ground in the alley...I noticed you...even in that dangerous moment.
When we hid in the doorway, even though we were probably going to die, I wanted to crouch there forever with you, buried in eachother's necks. And I'll always do whatever I can too, to be there for you. No matter WHAT I have to do, as you know. I can't help it.
I....love you too, Ethan..."

Before she could even finish saying my name, I was on her. I grabbed her into my arms and just held her there, trying to go over in my recent memory what she just said, to double check that what I heard was really what she said. I can't believe she actually DID like me all this time. How is that possible? I look like...ME, and she looks like this. And she's never even seen me with a guitar yet. 
We couldn't hug tight enough. We couldn't get close enough to eachother's bodies. Next to eachother was just too far away.
We slowly made it to the wall, because I knew my knees were weak, and I needed to lean, and this way, I could squish against her tighter.
And when she stopped squeezing for a split second, I pulled her back by her shoulders slightly, to lean in and kiss her. When our lips touched for the first time, the electric warmth spread so fast through my whole body, it made me groan and shudder all at once. A second later, I felt her body shudder. The tingles....were they as powerful for her as they were for me right now? They must be.
Everytime we broke for a breath, I couldn't stop kissing her, so I kissed her damp, salty face. And she kissed mine. I loved the taste of her tears, because I knew this time, they were happy ones. They were for ME.

JENNA'S POV:

Holy crap. He WASN'T just simply being nice to me all that time? He must have thought I was a horrible bitch when I told him to stop being so nice...leading me on! But why didn't he say something then? Who cares. He said it now. And I'm going to go with it. Even if it's a lie...I'll go with it. Live in every moment I can get with him. He's so wonderful. He's so sweet. So tender. So romantic. Every word he says comes out like a song, I swear sometimes! He was like a walking freaking ballad.

I stood there and listened to everything he had to say. It was so easy to look him in the eyes, now, when he was "like this". I could get over what happened. I knew I could at that moment. The benefits are too great to not get over it. He was drugged. It wasn't even him. So who cares. I still love him just the same as I have since I put my hands on his face in the alley.

He suprised me how fast he grabbed and hugged me. But it was a great suprise.
And the moment I had wanted sooo badly all week....he leaned down and kissed me.
The tingles were 1000 times crazier than I'd felt yet. 1000 times faster and stronger and they traveled everywhere, up and down my entire body. A huge shudder shook my body in his arms, right after one rocked through his. I could feel it. I still couldn't believe he got the same exact feeling when he touched me! Amazing.
When I kissed his face, I could taste his tears. I wanted to drink them all. Make them go away. Make the twinkle return to his red exhausted eyes.
This was the best moment of my life. The best I'd ever felt. Ever.

Everything was too perfect, so the metal door just HAD to open suddenly, next to us.
Our faces broke apart, but not our bodies. We squeezed eachother tigher, if there could even BE a tighter, that is.

"Sir" came into the room, clapping, with a huge sarcastic smile on his face.
Oh, here we go, I thought again. It's alway something, and it's always terrible when he's around.

"Bravo. Braaaa-vo, love birds! That was just the most romantic thing I've ever seen. Really. Brought a tear to my eye. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
He held his right hand out towards the hall and gestured for someone to come in. Vince came in with our food trays. He put them down next to the mattress and went back to stand in the doorway.
Sir told us "potty break, girls and boys! And if you behave...you can even take showers. Now wouldn't that be nice?"

We shook our heads yes, slowly and cautiosly. Waiting for "the catch". What would we have to do to "PAY" for these showers? I could think of plenty of things already. And they were nauseating.
Ethan must have felt my body tense, because he quickly looked over at me and studied my face. He seemed to get what I was thinking, and his eyebrows wrinkled with concern and hurt returned to his eyes, as he tried to swallow a lump in his throat.

"Did you LOVE the video we made for you?" Sir asked, looking at Ethan in anticipation.
Ethan didn't say anything. He just looked at Sir, with a look so threatening and his body got so tense and stiff in my arms, I thought he'd lunge out of my arms any second, and attack him.
I instinctively held onto Ethan tighter, and he looked at me again. And again, he seemed to know what I was thinking, and slightly shook his head no with tight lips, then looked back at Sir.

"I know WE all loved it. Terrific stuff. We'll have to make another movie soon. That drug mix seemed to suit you very VERY well", Sir teased us.
"So, what are you two waiting for? Clothes off! Let's go! Bathroom time! Shower time!" and he walked out of the room, and Vince came back in, followed this time by Marcus.
Marcus held a pistol, and Vince ordered "you heard him. Let's move it."
Ethan and I looked at eachother, puzzled, and both shrugged, and started removing our clothes.
We left them in a single pile on the floor, and walked out of the room, behind Vince, with Marcus and his gun at our backs. We held hands tightly as we walked through the cold hallways, to the dreary bathroom.
"Hurry up you two", Vince said, as he ushered us into the bathroom, and stood tall and wide in the doorway. "Let's go!" he snapped, because we just stood there, looking at him, not knowing whether to move or not.
So move, we did. Ethan whispered "you take the toilet, I'll take the shower first, I suppose."
I nodded, and we split apart and did our thing. He was a gentleman and showered facing the wall, so I could go to bathroom only being stared at by Vince. Yay.
When I was done, I went under the shower, and the water was so nice and warm, I closed my eyes and let it flood down on my face. Ethan must have felt my presence, because when I opened my eyes, he was facing me, watching me as I savored the warm water.
I just caught his eyes coming back up my body to my face.
I could feel myself blush, but the sight of the water pouring over his chest distracted me, so I let myself have a view also. If he could, I could, right?
He finished rinsing off, and grabbed the small white towel, and dried off to use the toilet while I moved further into the water.
A shower felt soooooooo good. It had been sooo long! And I knew there were areas of my body that needed cleaning. Badly. With that thought came a wave of nausea. I turned towards the wall, and just concentrated on washing.
I grabbed the towel, which gave no relief or cover from being naked, so I simply dried off then held it draped over my arm, not knowing what to do with it.

I started getting nervous now, as Ethan flushed the toilet and went to the shower to wash his hands, then turn it off.
Now that we were clean....what did they have on their agenda for today, I worried.
Ethan joined me and took my hand. We both stood there and waited our next order.
I could feel his hand shaking as he squeezed mine tightly.  Mine was probably shaking too. I coudn't tell.
We looked at eachother quickly, and gave eachother a concerned look, then turned back to Vince, who was standing there, still watching us, in a creepy fashion. Like he was trying to think of what to do next. He seemed to stand there and stare at us forever. It was torture. I just wanted to get whatever it would be, overwith, and get back to the safety and warmth of Ethan' arms. And I wanted to get dressed.

"Ok!" Vince suddenly snapped loudly. We both jumped, not expecting it. Ethan squeezed my hand tighter. "Let's go", Vince ordered as he motioned us to leave the bathroom.
We walked past Marcus, who had been leaning against the wall. Marcus followed us after we passed by. I could feel the gun pointed at our backs. It was unnerving. No matter how many times it happened, it was always unnerving to have a gun aimed at you.

They led us back to our room, and watched us walk in. Vince closed the door behind us, and we turned around, looked, then looked at eachother, confused.
"That was too easy", Ethan said, which was exactly what I was thinking.
I didn't know whether to celebrate and drop my guard, or to keep churning my stomach with worry.

Ethan pointed to the trays of food, and led me to the mattress.
We sat, and warily started to eat, in total silence. We were too nervous still, to say anything.
We ate everything, and as I pushed our trays away, I noticed in the lighted corner, our clothes were folded.
I got up and when I got to them, I noticed they were either washed, or brand new ones.
I tossed Ethan the bigger boxer briefs, and put mine right on, followed by the tank top.
Ahh. It felt good to be dressed. Even though I didn't mind the little peeks at Ethan I'd take when I could.
He had a beautiful body. Not the body of a super model or anything. Just a body that felt like..."home" when I was against it. I laughed inside my head when I mentally noted that the carpets matched the drapes. I really hated that saying, but it's the first thing I thought of when I realized it.
I had to hold in a smile so Ethan wouldn't see, and ask what I was thinking. That would be WAY awkward!

He looked up at me when his boxers were on, and I could see him blink back confusion. Maybe my smile was more noticeable than I thought. Crap! Heh.
I came back to the bed, and sat next to him and looked up into his eyes.
I was starting to relax now. For now, anyway. Might as well not waste any time I could be holding or kissing Ethan. I'd worry about them coming back when they came back.

Ethan looked down at me and kissed my forehead, then down to my lips, where he paused and looked into my eyes, which opened when the expected lips didn't touch mine right away. He smiled at my impatience, whispered "I love you" and covered my lips in his.
Slowly, we sank down into the mattress and just held eachother and kissed, and held and kissed. He stroked my arm, which was bridging across to stroke his bare back.
Everything was perfect.
I was actually GLAD I was here. It was a strange thought. Even with what had happened to me. Even through the fact that HE did one of the things that happened to me....I guess seeing the way he reacted to that video of what he'd done....I've never seen anyone cry like that before. It was so horrible to see. It actually caused pain in my chest as I watched him, helplessly. And now realizing that it must have hurt him sooo much more than I thought, because he secretly loved me......I couldn't let him see my healing process one more second. I just needed to give him my love back. And get his. This would help me. And hopefully him.
Pretty soon, we fell asleep, foreheads touching, and our hands wrapped together underneath our chins, knees touching.