Out of Desperation Came Forever After

Chapter 10

Ethan's POV:

What a SHIT fucking day. I'd take the fucking butt rape again, over how things are NOW.

I can't save her. I can't save her. I can't protect her. I can't help her. I can't do anything to stop anything from happening to her.....and again, it's all MY FAULT that horrible things will happen to her.

And now she knows who I am. And she's pissed. And I'm a liar. I should have told her. Right away.

But I just thought.....no....it was ok to not tell her. We were fine. Maybe I should have.......FUCK!

What the fuck am I gonna do? We've gotta get out of here. If they didn't have the bloody guns, we'd be long gone from here. I know I could get angry enough to knock one of those assholes out and escape. Or let Jenna escape and find help....fuck fuck FUCK.

If only there was someone offering a reward for me. THEN maybe they'd let us go, and collect their money....

"Jenna, I'm so sorry. For everything. Your life has been HELL since the second you laid eyes on me. I wish for your sake, you never met me. Even though I'm selfish and I'm glad you did....I wish you never did. You'd be in class right now. Or hanging with your friend. You'd be fine. You wouldn't need years of intense therapy to get over all of this. You wouldn't even miss me, because you'd never have met me. You'd be listening to my music right now, probably....", I babbled on and on to her in my panic.

Jenna interrupted me and took my hand, "Ethan. Stop. Just stop. I met you. It happened. All of it. It's not anyone's fault. We just have to find a way out of here. Somehow. I want out. I want to be back in LIFE again. I want to see you in the SUNLIGHT. I want to DATE you. I want you to sing for only me sometimes. I want to watch you from backstage at one of your shows. I want to be in the tabloids as your girlfriend. I want untrue gossip about us. I want LIFE again. We HAVE to get out of here, Ethan."

I wanted all that she mentioned, also. It all sounded so wonderful. Even the tabloid gossip. I'd take it. Gladly. Knowing things could be so much worse. I wanted sooo badly to sing to Jenna, too. I thought about it the entire time we were in here. I even had songs in my head that I'd worked out as I'd watch her sleep in my arms sometimes. Songs about her. Songs for her.

But how the HELL do we get out of here?

"So what do we do?" I asked Jenna as if she had a master plan.

"I have no idea. We have to somehow get the gun. And then take it from there?" Jenna suggested.

"Ok. So we'll do that. Next time they come in, we'll try for the gun." I agreed. I knew inside, that it wouldn't work. But I was so desperate now, I didn't seem to care. It was either escape or die trying. No more of this sitting around, being exploited and kept in isolation. This could go on for years, for fuck's sakes! I just hoped that if one of us got hurt or killed, it was me. It was always meant to be me. She just happened to stop it from happening that night. But it might be meant to be afterall for me.

And if she only prolonged my life a little bit, it has been enough for me. Just getting to know her, and holding her and being held by her, and being with her all this time....I'm glad she prolonged my life long enough for me to truly fall in love with someone I actually deserve. I know I'm a nice guy. I know I always deserved better than I've ever had. And finally, I got what I deserved. I got Jenna.

And if I die now, I'll die happy. I'll die having had LOVE.

That's how I have to look at it, to be able to be crazy and careless, and try and overpower those goons who guard us. I just have to say I don't care. For Jenna.

Jenna snapped her fingers in front of my eyes. "Ethan! What are you thinking about? Hello?"

"I'm sorry. I'm just thinking of how I could possibly get the gun. How we could possibly TRY and get out of here. And no matter WHAT happens, Jenna, if I'm hurt or down or whatEVER, and you have the chance to run, I want you to PROMISE ME that you'll run. NO. MATTER. WHAT.