Out of Desperation Came Forever After

Chapter 14

Ethan's POV:

The ambulance crew was nice, but not nice enough to let us ride to the hospital together. I tried. I tried hard. The last thing I wanted at that moment, was to let go of Jenna. I was still so shocked that we escaped, that I felt too lucky, like she'd get in an accident on the way or something. I just wanted her safe in my arms until I could calm down and get my head straight. She felt the same way, I could easily tell, by the way she wouldn't let go of me, as they pried her arms off of my neck after I set her down in her ambulance bed. (They let me carry her in at least.) I'm sure she would have struggled and fought more, if she wasn't so exhausted.
My tender kiss and "I love you" in her ear seemed to help. We'd see eachother in 15 minutes, someone mentioned to us.
It already felt like the longest 15 minutes ever, and I was just stepping down out of the ambulance now.

I turned back to look at her, and my heart sank. She was lying there, holding her mouth from sobbing too loud. I'm sure it was because of having to leave me temporarily, but I'm sure a lot of it was also the pain and relief and shock from this entire ordeal. I was sure at that moment, that we'd share more "sob" time together. We needed it. And it felt good. Getting it all out like that. Together.
I've never cried that hard in my entire life. I still kept having after shock gasps in my chest, all the way to the hospital.
I didn't want to be in the hospital. It was white in there. White beds. White blankets. White sheets. Hallways....not being allowed to leave the room....it was sort of giving me flashbacks in a strange way.
But I was in the room next to Jenna. I could hear them talking to her. Calming her down. Poor girl.
I hope she's not totally messed up for life over this. I mean...I could be also....but I hope we're both strong enough to get over and it put it behind and move on and be normal like we once were.
I hope we can enjoy eachother when we're NOT in a life or death situation. I hope we still love eachother. Still like eachother's company. I hope nothing changes between us. Because now, we don't HAVE to be together. We have to CHOOSE to be together.
I hope she chooses me. And as much as I wanted to say of COURSE I choose to be with her, this was a huge, fucked up circumstance that we met in, so...I wasn't going to be naieve about it. I know that our feelings could change because we're not in a stress situation.
But the electricity....I mean, I felt even when I was holding her after she passed out with the SWAT team.
That's got to be something that's meant to be, right?
As much as I wanted to know what would happen to us in the future, and hope it was good....I knew I'd have to just take it day to day and hope for the best.
Did I love this girl because she saved me? Or did I love her because I loved her?
God, I hoped it was the latter. I was pretty damn sure it was the latter. But I was scared that she would have these doubts too.

When the doctor came in, I told him I NEED to be in the same room with Jenna. SHE needs to be in the same room with me. We've just been through a horrible ordeal, and we are used to being together. Getting through it all together. I begged and pleaded my case, until he finally cut me off with "I'll see what we can do...I think there's an empty double room down the hall...just be patient."
That would have to do.
I thought we'd be together in 15 minutes....but it looked like not yet.
I just wanted to hold her. Cradle her. Tell her she was safe now. Tell her thank you for REAL this time, because she actually DID end up saving my life. It just took a slight bit longer, and ended up being a slight big harder than she thought.

Speaking of harder, my mind segwayed in an odd way this time....just days ago, I raped her.
Are they gonna press charges against me? Will she tell them about that? Will I tell them? We never got to discuss what to say about that. I guess I'll keep it secret until I talk to her, and see what she wants to do. I'll do whatever she wants. Even if it means the world finds out. Even if it means jail.
I don't know how these things work. Especially in America. They seem charge people with crimes for every little error that happens in life here. Fuck.
I'm sure I'm just over thinking it. I was on drugs. They gave me drugs. It wasn't me. They'll understand. Right?
Poor Jenna. since she met me, she's had sex with what...3 men? And it's been what....2 weeks?
She's gonna need some serious testing. Hell....I'M gonna need some serious testing!
Shit. Everyone is gonna find out about what happened to me too.
Hopefully there's a confidentiality, and we will have a say in what is made public or not. How does this all work?
My next thought segway wasn't my own. It was brought on by the sudden rush of noise in the hallway.
Photographers. Journalists. They found me.
Ethan Shean has been found. Of course people would be knocking down my door for THAT story.
Shit. This just gets more and more complicated.
I hoped they'd at least leave Jenna alone, but since she was found with me....
I sighed heavily and hoped the door was locked. Not that I liked locked doors now.
Luckily the doctor held everyone off at the door, till I heard security come and make everyone leave. He told them they all had to wait across the street so they weren't in the way of emergencies.
And then it was quiet again.