Choux Cream Cake

I'm Right Here If You Need Me

We stood there for a while, the three of us looking at him, him looking at me.

"I didn't know you were in Bangkok," I said, trying to alleviate the silence. Emotions buried deep inside me threatened to resurface, I thought I'd left them to be forgotten in Trat. Much less after six years, you'd think I'd be over it.

He huffed a small laugh, "Yea, I… uh, I'm here for the event nearby. Didn't think I'd see you again," I forced a smile then I turned away, attempting to dismiss him, "Well, enjoy I guess, you can order from the counter, I'm going back to work… it was nice to see you-"

"Wait," he reached out and grabbed my wrist, "Can you talk with me for a while?" I looked at him, and I really didn't want to, so I tried to give an excuse but Perth went ahead and took the liberty as the boss to decide, "Go ahead, Phi," he patted my back and the both of them made their way back to their work stations.

We sat down with P'Zee's cappuccino, facing each other for the first time, six years older. As far as I was concerned, I'd rather never have seen him again at all. The pain was still there, and he was what caused it. I didn't hate him, no, but I did feel a sinking in my heart whenever he entered my thoughts, which made his presence unpreferable.

"It's been a long time," he laughed, hands cupping around his coffee, "Must've been quite a few years since we last talked, right? So… how are you these days? It seems you didn't end up where I thought you'd be, you know, in a cafe."

"I'm a baker now. I like baking, been doing it for quite a while now, job pays," a slight frown had curved on his face, then he nodded, understanding. "What about you," he perked up, "Why are you in Bangkok?" I leaned back into my chair, resigned to the situation I was in- I might as well make use of it.

"I'm an event organiser," he gleamed with pride, as he always did when he talked about himself, "I keep contact with lots of high-end people with my job, you'd be surprised by how many celebrities I've met," I didn't care, "The event today just ended, thought I'd pop in for a coffee- didn't think I'd bump into you," he laughed to himself, "God, when was the last time we saw each other? University seems so long ago now."

Judging from the way he was reminiscing, I could tell we both separated from each other's paths with different interpretations of our time together. Perhaps, a bitterness had subliminally consumed the happy memories we'd shared- six years and I still can't look at it the same way he could right now.

He's happy, though, and that was good. My bitterness could never overtake the humanity in me. At least one of us is living their life.

The longer we talked about the 'good old days' like some old raisined elderly, the more I remembered the old me. Innocent, not yet damaged by heartbreak, unafraid to love freely and head-first. The P'Zee I saw in front of me refreshed the image of how I used to see him, his image in my head used to be so clouded with bitterness.

There's a chance that after six years, maybe he's changed.

Maybe we could be friends again.

After we bid each other goodbye with a one-armed man hug, he left the cafe after giving me his contact and I slumped back down onto the bench. I stayed in the same slouched position for about a minute, heartbeat slowing down.

After Perth and I reached home and changed, we slumped down on the couch to watch some shows together, figuring it was late but we couldn't sleep anyways. We sat next to each other clad in our shorts and plain T-shirts, the space between us gradually reduced to nothing as the night went by, my shoulders overlapping his, our thighs touching, not one person making any effort to move away.

"Who was that at the cafe?" He suddenly asked in the middle of the commercials, face turning to me, "You guys seemed to know each other from before, were you friends?" I took a small breath in at that, it occurred to me that I hadn't exactly told Perth I was gay. Do I tell him? Should I just lie? A procession of thoughts ran through my head, and despite the insecurity, I felt that Perth wouldn't be the kind of person to judge.

"He," I faced him, "was my ex."

Pause.

"Oh," he blinked a few times, "Sorry I asked, you probably didn't want to talk about your private life  didn't mean to pry."

I smiled, "No, it's okay, I don't mind sharing. You're curious, aren't you?" He leaned back into the couch, and his eyes remained facing me, wordless. I took it as a sign to continue, so I leaned back further into the couch and scooched in closer, "I had a crush on him in university, our faculties were quite close to each other, so I got to see glimpses of him quite often. We got to know each other through a friend, and we kept in contact from there," I smiled down at myself, "He was so handsome and kind, shy at first too- made him cute even though he was older. We got closer and closer, we did more things together, and I fell harder and harder."

I paused, heart starting to sink- I was about to reopen a six year old wound. My smile started to fade, and I looked up into the ceiling, "We did everything together, we slept together, ate together- did everything a couple did- so even though we never really put a label on it, I didn't think we needed to," I breathed in then let out a shaky breath, I could feel Perth's eyes on me as I did so, his sympathy already seeping through. "But apparently, that wasn't the case," I licked my lips, eyes fighting back tears, "I saw him kiss this girl one night he got drunk, and I confronted him about it. He said that he never did anything wrong, that he never cheated, because there wasn't even a relationship to cheat on."

"Aren't you going to at least apologise to me?" I questioned him, going into his face, my eyebrows furrowed, my mind fuming. He looked at me and asked, "For what?"

Unbelievable.

"Cheating on me, asshole! You kissed her," I grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him towards me, I begged desperately, "Just tell me you didn't know what you were doing." He scoffed in my face and threw my hands away, "Cheat? How can I cheat when I'm not even in a relationship?"

My heart sunk as he continued,"You can't tell me what I can or can't do just because I pay a little bit more attention to you and do things I don't do with other people."

With tears streaming down my face, I asked him what I meant to him.

"He said I was nothing," my voice broke, the statement final. "Since then, all our happy memories have been overshadowed by that one bitter moment. Felt like I wasted almost a year being in love with someone that didn't love me back, I felt stupid." I scoffed at myself. Saying all this out loud, besides the pain, it felt freeing in a sense, to let someone know. Everyone around me just treated our fall out like a landmine, they didn't want to press in fear of hurting my feelings.

"So why'd you seem so happy in the cafe? Neither of you seemed like you were… affected," he asked curiously. I sighed, "I'm not sure, it's been a long time since then. When he was talking to me, it was like talking to him when I first knew him- genuine and kind. Who knows what could have happened in six years?"

"You want to try again with him?"

"No," I said immediately, "but a friendship… it could be possible." With that, he said nothing else. I sighed, a weight in my chest had lifted just a little bit. I scooched down and leaned my head on his shoulder, nuzzling in closer when he put his head against mine. Our fingers slowly interlocked, then he took my hand in his, proclaiming as he did, "I'm right here if you need me."

We stayed in that position, connected from head to toe, until we started to doze off. In our half-asleep states, our bodies subconsciously shifted, until we laid in each other's embrace in the wide couch. My cheek was nuzzled into his neck, and his arm was wrapped around my head, hand in my hair, petting it lightly and slowly in his slumber.

I was still scared of making another mistake, falling in love to me felt like taking a deep plunge into the unknown, a journey that could result in either heartbreak or joyful ecstasy. For six years, I've actively avoided any kind of opportunity for love.

Perth was threatening to break that streak.

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Hope you guys like the updates even if theyre short, comment what you think about the chapter, or what you think will happen next hehe, thank you for reading❤❤