Choux Cream Cake

The Screams

Her screams were seared into my memory. 

It would make itself known in the most painful and vivid way possible. It always came without warning- though I doubt knowing its approach would be able to soften its blow. 

It would come and go on its own volition, and once it started… I couldn't stop it. 

No mental preparation could shake off the grating, bone-deep chills that reverberated through every cell in my body as her pained screams, like nails scratching across a chalkboard, clawed at my heart, her shrieks rendering me motionless as panic set in. 

Why did she have to leave? 

What did she have to hide?

My heart starts pounding, fighting against the confines of my rib cage as my breathing starts to go erratic- I spiral. I was back in that night whether I liked it or not, the sounds of screeching tires, shattering glass, and her screams blurred into each other. The fact that I couldn't see what was happening meant that I was saved from witnessing the horrific scene… but it also meant that my imagination was free to amplify the violent images in my head. 

There was no escape from it. 

I was trapped- forced to listen to my lover die a harsh death while I could do nothing. 

In the midst of my panic, I hear a faint sound and feel someone nudging me, but my mind cannot register who. I can see, but at the same time I cannot- shapes are formed but they are merely shapes. In my head, the sounds of everything starts mixing together with the sounds of screaming and glass shattering on loop. All of a sudden, everything was too much- like I was being suffocated by air.

I feel the presence next to me leave my peripheral- where was I? My head was juggling between past and present- the memories bombarded my senses till it felt all too real and gradually consumed me. 

I feel my face heating up and a lump forming in my throat as tears start to further blur my vision. I see her corpse, sterile and lifeless in the morgue. My heart is pounding, air isn't escaping my lungs fast enough. Her blood-curdling cries for help go unanswered, I was useless and frozen, her cries die out.

She can't be-

Hot tears dampen my cheeks. My mouth was ajar as my breath heaved in and out of my rapidly rising chest. I search for her voice amidst the honking of cars and people in the distance. There was none. 

You killed her.

You didn't stop her.

You killed her 

You knew the risks.

You killed her.

You called her.

You killed her.

"Perth?" His voice cut a clear line through my thoughts, though soft as it was, it boomed into my ears. I sucked in a breath as I felt the warmth of hands against my damp cheeks. I opened my eyes to a pale face painted with worry, framed by the tear drops still hanging onto my lashes. I blink away tears as my breathing started to find its way back to as close to normal as possible, and I see him. 

"P'Saint?" I whisper, barely audible as his name hoarsely made its way past my throat. My pupils move rapidly, looking past him, around me- I was in my bedroom. I felt the softness of the mattress against my bottom, and the cotton sheets rustling above it. 

His hands directed me back to look back at him, his eyebrows were furrowed in concern, "What happened to you?" His thumbs start wiping away stray tears and drying off the wet tracks left behind.