Life gets Better

Chapter 3

Being shy makes you hide from everything. Affects everything you wear, the way you talk to people, the way you make friends, they way you live. When I went to junior high everything seemed better. I had a few more friends than I did in elementary but that was until the second year because I didn't go to the same school as all my friends and once again I was alone. I didn't have any friends that I knew there except one. One girl that I haven't talked to since freshman year in high school. Her name is Linda. I went to lunch and I was walking towards the line when I see her standing at one of the benches.

I couldn't believe it so I rushed to her and said" Linda!! Omg you go here? I didn't know!". She didn't look too exited to see me so I asked her what's wrong. "Why are you talking shit behind my back! A girl told me that you were talking about me!"she said heartbroken, but at the same time furious. My eyes widened when she said shit. I've never imagined to hear that word anytime soon, but when it came from her I was surprised. Linda was beautiful. And she still was, the last time I saw her. She was a little shorter than me and had curly hair just like mine. When I became friends with her I liked her, just like a sister. I just don't know what happened to us. she let the rumors get the best of her. The rumors that I've never spoke of. The rumors who I don't know started.

"I never said anything about you Linda, I promise!" I said with a trembling voice.

"Yea... Whatever.." She said as she walked away and gave me a disgusted face. I seriously did not talk bout her. I don't know how told her, even to this day. The first day of school I did make two friends. Marylin and Meagan. Now I lost marylin because she was way too popular for me, she smokes, and who knows what else she's doing. Meagan is getting better she had some issues from what I remember, but she looks a lot happier now. I made the biggest mistake with Meagan. She had a crush on this guy, Christopher or Chris. And she was so obsessed with him the way I was obsessed with Cesar. But hers was worse. She wanted me to give him a letter and as my shy self I said sure. But I never gave it to him. And thought to myself how am I going to give it to him. So I didn't. Instead , I told her that he asked me out and he liked me. She was shocked . But happy for me I felt so guilty, because none of this was true. I guess I did this to help her forget about him. He has yelled at her telling her to leave him alone. I didn't think he deserved her. So I did this hoping he would forget him over time. But she didn't. She told me to still give him letters, as a friend she said. So I wound up with the same problem but even worse. So I had no choice than to write them myself. So I did my best sloppy Chris writing and gave it to her the next day. She opened it up exited. As she did she smiled at me and I forced my smile hoping she would believe it was his writing. And she did.

She kept giving me letters and letters and until one day I had enough. I had to make something up so she can forget him for good. Then it came to me but it wasn't PG 13,

To be exact.

One day in P.E we were in the field and I was going to tell her once and for all. I told her to stop talking about him for once and to listen to me. "Meagan, I need to tell you something", I said as I felt my heart raise up to my neck as she stared at me with full attention and those big round dark brown eyes. " what is it?", she said.

I started to talk to her and we were walking at a slow pace around the field I can't believe I was about to tell her this. But I cared about her and didn't want her to stay interested in a guy that yelled at her and made her cry! So I just said it " Me and Chris had sex...". She stopped walking and then I stopped when I noticed she was no longer at my side. I turned around and she smiled," no you didn't....no... You didn't", as if she didn't believe me. I can't believe I had lost my virginity even though in my mind I knew I didn't. Her smile faded until completely gone. Then she turned into a detective. Shit! I said to myself . I didn't know she would go this far with the questions, so I improvised.

"How was it?" She said

"Um... It was..great" I said wanting to look away from her eyes and run as far as possible.

"How did it start?"

"Well.. Um... We were in his room.. And there was a bed..and he got on top of me and started taking of our clothes and..."

"STOP!!" She said finally. I thought I was going to explain everything to her!!

She looked hurt but she still didn't forget him. A couple of months ago I've confessed to her that I never went out with him and she never talked to me again. But I never told her that I DIDNT have sex with Chris and that it was me who wrote all those letters. I couldn't. She would kill me. I just hope one day I have the courage to tell her the truth. The whole truth. So I faked losing my virginity for nothing....