Seventh Horcrux

Harry Potter vs. Dolores Umbridge (Pt. 3)

It took some time to dislodge Fawkes from Umbridge and clean up the freshly-spilled cauldron of Felix Felicis. The whole process would have gone a lot quicker if the Inquisitorial Squad hadn't just stood by and laughed. At least our traitor, Edgecomb, had the excuse that she was trying to hide her pimply face.

Umbridge adjusted her badly-shredded robes. "Hem hem."

"Yes, Professor?" I asked, distracted by the phoenix digging its claws into my shoulder and hissing at Umbridge. Apparently, he liked her.

Umbridge said, "Would you like to explain, Mr. Potter, just what all of this is?"

"We weren't learning anything in class, so we decided to form a study group. We call it the Defense Against the Dark Arts Study Group for Not Failing Our OWLs. Or the DADASGNF OWLs for short."

"Most of us call it the DA," Ginevra chirped.

"Unfortunately, that's as many letters as they can remember," I said.

Umbridge smiled tightly. "I suppose I'm not surprised at this behavior from you, Mr. Potter. As I'm certain you know, this subversive organization goes against several of the High Inquisitor's proclamations."

"Are you talking about yourself in the third person? I think that's the first sign of insanity," I said. I never do that when talking about myself. Or any of my other selves.

She continued, lips pinched, "…nor has it gained my approval…"

"According to school rules, it has," I interrupted. "As your apprentice and therefore teaching assistant, I am allowed to schedule additional classes for struggling students. Which, due to your complete dearth of talent in the realm of teaching, is all of them."

Umbridge gave a breathy little sigh. "Mr. Potter, regardless of your worrying delusions, you are not my apprentice."

"See, that's where you're wrong. Hermione?"

Hermione glanced up from her place hunched over the library's table. "There are actually several passages in the Hogwarts Rulebook which ensure that professors cannot overburden their charges with out-of-class work. This includes writing assignments, such as those served during your detentions."

"We passed the allowable point for a normal student months ago. In fact, I warned you that, if you gave me one more detention, I would be your apprentice. And then you did that. According to magic, that's consent."

"It is!" Ginevra enthusiastically agreed.

"That's completely ridiculous," Umbridge hissed. "You can't just create an apprenticeship without anyone knowing about it."

"No, of course not," I said. "That would be silly. However, everyone here hates you because you're an awful person. I tried to fix that, but, upon consultation with my companions, I have come to the baffling conclusion that you just don't care. 'Everyone' luckily includes Albus Dumbledore, who signed off on my apprenticeship."

Umbridge giggled, a deeply unsettling sound. "So the headmaster is involved in this illicit –"

I growled in annoyance, Fawkes echoing the noise. "No, it's me. Entirely me. Dumbledore will not steal my credit for this."

Ginevra laid a hand on my empty, and therefore less dangerous, shoulder. "Also, it's technically on the up-and-up, since Harry's your apprentice, and you haven't forbidden him from doing anything."

Umbridge's eyes gleamed, reminding me uncomfortably of Dumbledore. "In that case, you're no longer allowed to lead this little group of yours."

"As my master, you have the right to give me that order," I acknowledged. "And I have the right to pass on leadership to my apprentice, Neville Longbottom. Neville?"