Love or Die

Breakthrough

Jade was laid across her bed, staring up at her ceiling while listening to music and inhaling the still lingering scent of Travis on her pillow, when Liz busted into her room and slammed the door shut behind her. Jade remained where she was, barely acknowledging her friend’s entrance. “Get up,” Liz said. “Now.” Jade still didn’t move and Liz walked over to her. “Jade, get up.”

            “It’s Saturday,” she answered simply.

            “What’s your point?”

            “I don’t have class.”

            “That doesn’t mean you have to stay in bed all day,” Liz responded. “Now get up.”

            “No.”

            “Would you say no if I were Travis?” Liz asked. Jade stiffened at the name and closed her eyes, trying to keep the tears from coming to them. “You can’t stay locked in here pretending he doesn’t exist.”

            “And yet here I am.”

            Liz rolled her eyes and looked around the room; eyes falling on the pictures on the desk. She looked from Jade to the pictures and back, getting an idea.

            “Fine,” Liz said walking over to the table. “If he doesn’t exist then you won’t need these.”

            “Need what?” Jade asked, opening her eyes in time to see Liz pick up the picture of her and Travis. “What are you doing?”

            “Helping you,” Liz said. “Since he doesn’t exist you shouldn’t keep these, or anything else that reminds you of him, around.” Liz walked over to the bed and reached for the dog on the end of it. Jade sat up straight, grabbing Liz’s wrist tightly before she could touch it.

            “Do not touch it,” Jade said. “Give me my picture and do not touch my doll.”

            “Why?”

            “Because it’s my stuff and I said so.”

            Liz stared at her friend before shaking her head. “Not good enough.” Despite Jade’s hold on her wrist, Liz moved toward the doll again and Jade let go of her, grabbing the dog and holding it to her tightly.

            “Fine, you want to know why?” Jade said. “You need to know so badly why you can’t take this stuff?”

            “Yes,” Liz said.

            “Because I’m a masochistic person,” Jade answered, hugging the dog. “I’m pretending that I want Travis gone from my life but deep down I don’t. I keep this stuff, holding on to the only things I have left of him, hoping that one day he’ll walk in the door and hug me saying it was all a bad joke and he’s sorry for hurting me.” Tears streamed down her cheeks and this time she didn’t care that anyone could see them. “But it never happens and all this stuff does is cut me deeper whenever I see them. And I don’t care because it’s the only proof I have that he was ever here; that he ever actually cared about me.”

            “Who said he didn’t?” Liz asked.

            “You can’t care about someone you say you don’t know.”

            “And you believed him?” Liz responded, in shock that Travis would say something like that. “The guy told you he was a vampire and you refused to believe him until you had proof. Now he tells you he doesn’t know you and you believe him with no protest as though you don’t have all the proof otherwise all around you? How does that make sense, Jade?”

            “I didn’t say I believed it,” Jade replied. “It’s just what he said.”

            “Did it ever occur to you that Mandee put him up to that?” Liz asked.

            “Does it matter?” Jade sniffed. “He still said it Liz, and it hurt. It still hurts.”

            “And do you know why?”

            Jade sat in silence knowing what her friend wanted her to admit out loud. She looked down at the dog in her arms, remembering how happy she was when Travis gave it to her. She had seen it on the arcade wall for a month, always eyeing it but never able to get it. It cost more tickets than she ever managed to win and she had given in to the idea of never owning it. But Travis had secretly been hoarding the tickets he won every week so that he could get her it. She was getting some bracelets with the tickets she won when the guy behind the counter passed her the dog. “I don’t have enough tickets for this,” she told him regretfully.

            He just shrugged at her and said “No, but the guy down there does and said to give it to you.” She had looked at him questioningly when he pointed down the counter at Travis who was watching her with the biggest smile on his face. She took the dog and ran at Travis, half jumping on him with excitement.

            “Oh my God, thank you thank you thank you!” she exclaimed into his neck. She felt him laugh and tighten his arms around her waist. “How did you know?”

            He pulled back to look at her. “I notice everything,” he said. “You didn’t have to say you wanted it for me to see you look at it every time we’re here. And I’m glad I did because it was definitely worth this reaction.” He had smiled at her so brightly that it made her heart squeeze to see it then; and thinking of it now made her heart ache to see it again. Looking up from the dog to Liz, her eyes fell on her favorite picture of Travis, wearing the same smile she had just thought of and the words tumbled out before she could think twice.

            “Because I love him.”

            “So if you love him, are you going to sit back and do nothing while Mandee forces herself on him?” Liz asked with a smile.

            “No,” Jade said, calming herself and becoming who she once was.

            “Good,” Liz said. “Then let’s get your boyfriend back.”