You Take My Silences and Make Them Less Alone // Gawsten

Chapter 16

Hell. 

That's what these past days have felt like. 

Ever since my encounter with Awsten last week, we haven't talked. Every time I see him in the hallway he turns around deciding to take a longer route to his class. When I tried to go up to his locker a couple days ago, he slammed it shut and left. 

My heart ached for the boy. I didn't think it was going to be like this. I rolled over in my bed facing Jawn. 

"You good?", he asked. I shook my head. 

"I feel so bad. I didn't think this would happen. I thought by calling off the bet, everything would have been fine, but I guess not.", I sighed and turned so I was facing the ceiling. "I guess I should just give up on him, huh? He doesn't want me."

"Lies. I saw the way he stared into your eyes at the café, he still has feelings for you."

"But Jawn he said - "

"You said he was a weird kid, but obviously that changed now. You're going to get him back.", Jawn stood up making his way to the doorway. 

"Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving so you can think of something to win him back. Go to him.", Jawn said leaving my room and going down the stairs. I sighed and closed my eyes when I heard the front door close.

"Where am I even supposed to find him?", I said to myself and then quickly jolted up standing up getting some loose change from my bedside table and dashing out. 

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Awsten 

"Awsten!", I heard and turned my head in the direction it came in. I quickly got off the swing set and started making my way in the opposite direction. 

"Wait no stop, please", he caught up looking down at me. 

"What?", I say annoyed not interested in anything he is going to say.

"I um I got you a swirl.", he said holding out the ice cream. I gave a little smile and took it. 

"Thanks. Bye.", I say turning around walking in the opposite direction. 

"Awsten!", Geoff ran in front of me. "I'm an idiot."

"I could have told you that.", I snickered and was about to walk around him until he stopped me and placed me back in front of him. I sighed clearly annoyed, "What do you want Geoff? To tell me you actually care about me? To tell me how you lost the bet?"

"Awsten. I do care for you. And I did lose the bet, but without the bet I wouldn't have met the most amazing guy I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Did I take advantage of you at first? Yes. Will I ever let that happen again? No. Awsten, you are amazing. That kiss meant everything to me. That was not fake. That was not to get you closer to me. That was because I like you and being without you is killing me inside. You have no idea how I miss your little smile and your giggles and how you get excited over ice cream. Please, I need you."

By the time Geoff was done, I would be lying if I said I wasn't feeling my heart flutter and a smile creeping onto my face. I looked down playing with the swirl ice cream. 

"How do I know you're not lying. You're clearly are good at that.", I asked.

"Because Awsten. No one has seen me literally beg for something. You know I don't show feelings. I feel safe around you. I feel like I can do anything. Please trust me.", he said slowly moving his hand towards mine and taking it softly just in case I didn't want him to touch me, but I allowed it because I missed Geoff. 

I needed Geoff. 

"If you still want me to leave you alone, I'll listen this time. I just want you to be happy and if being happy means living your life without me then so be it.", he squeezed my hand and when I didn't answer he sighed and let go. He turned around and walked away leaving me standing there. 

The thing is I wanted him.

But I just let him walk away.