It had been a few days since Nikki's big bust-up at the restaurant. I hadn't seen him for a while. I really needed to talk to him about what he had said. It had been plaguing my mind so much. I barely drank. And even my coke usage was lowering drastically. Making everything too real. I liked being numb.
Tonight was our penultimate gig, we were back in California and my band mates were excited to play. I however still found myself hung up over Nikki's confession. I cursed myself for baring the annoying habit of overthinking.
Our set had gone really well, when we looked in the crowd we could see people singing my lyrics back. It was insane to see and I found myself getting sentimental. This is my passion and in that moment I never want this tour to end.
Mötley were now performing, I was eagerly watching from the side. It was the first time I had seen Nikki since the bust-up and he did not look well at all. Skinny, pale and a sad expression painted on his face as he plucked the strings of his bass.
I just wanted to go right up and kiss his sad face, just so he'd stop being so miserable. They began to sing the last song, I didn't recognise it so I guessed it was new. It was different to the others, slower.
'Without you, there's no change. My nights and days are grey'
Nikki suddenly looked straight towards me. I hadn't even realised he'd noticed I was here, I couldn't look at him but I also couldn't face it to look away so we just stared at each other. He mouthed the lyrics to this new song right in my direction.
'Only you that I'll hold when I'm young. Only you, as we grow old'
Nikki was now basically singing the song right at me. Call it naive, but I felt as though it was my song and I couldn't help but let the tears fall down.
If Nikki really meant what he was singing, that meant he really did like me.
The song finished and I quickly wiped away the tears and pulled on a fake smile. I didn't know what to say to Nikki after that whole song thing, so I stayed quiet.
"How'd we do Lynn?" Vince wiped his sweaty face with a towel, beaming down at me.
"You guys were amazing, really" My voice had suddenly become that of a timid mouse as I sheepishly looked at Nikki.
"Thanks babe" Tommy walked past and pecked the top of my head.
Mick, Tommy and Vince had left for the after-party, leaving me and Nikki alone.
It was so awkward, well I was anyway he was just staring down at me with those beautiful green eyes. I kept my head down, glued to my feet.
"The songs for you" he suddenly broke the silence, if i wasn't already now I really was speechless.
I looked up at him with wide-eyes, "Why Nikki?"
"I meant what I said at the restaurant" he spoke confidently, I wish I had some confidence right now.
"I know you said it will mess things up or whatever, but I don't care, you don't have to say anything just know I like you Lynn, a fuck ton" he gave me a small smile and followed where the boys had left.
I was just stood deadly still, absolutely speechless.
Oh my god.
