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2Jae wedding part 2

JB

Family? What family? A child? How can I hold something so pure? Kids cry just looking at me... never mind that. What if I become like him? I am from the same blood after all. I'm scared. I don't want a child to grow up like me.

Youngjae reached over and held my hand tight, my mask falling into place as I turned to him and gave him a small smile. He looked so sad as he turned back to the front, the guilt washing over me. I'm affecting him... he's supposed to be happy.

I sighed internally, going through the ceremony when I remembered his words. I'm hiding from him again aren't I... even after vowing not to.

I reached over and squeezed his hand, waiting till he turned before letting my mask drop. I'm a mess Jae... would you still stay with me? Would you save me?

I saw his breath catch in his throat, his eyes widening as he saw everything, as he understood me just like that. I slid my mask on and turned back to our parents, focusing back on the ceremony.

I still felt more and more like I was trapping Youngjae as the ceremony went on, the guilt making my heart sink. I was unable to meet our parents eyes by the end of it as I stood, my eyes averted down to the ground from the guilt. He deserves so much more. He deserves the world but I can't give it to him...

"Bummie..." Youngjae sighed, throwing himself at me. He held me tight, locking his arms around my waist while he buried his face into my chest.

The fear of him opening his eyes and realising, the fear of losing him, made me hold him even tighter to me, my heart thumping hard against my chest as I squeezed my eyes shut, terrified of screwing up again.

I held onto the nape of his neck, pressing my lips to the side of his head as I took comfort in his warmth. We stayed in that position until my heart slowed, my body relaxing as I breathed him in.

"All I need is you. I believe in you Bummie" he whispered, my heart lurching and speeding up again at his words. I don't think he knows what he always does to me. How he get me like that.

"You deserve the world Jae" I sighed, squeezing the nape of his neck again before leaning back.

"You're my world" he replied softly, his hand tugging on the front of my hanbok. You're my universe then. I'll try. I'll fight. For us.

"Step by step Jae. I'll go the entire way with you" I murmured, promising him there while cupping his face up to meet my eyes. I watched his eyes get teary again, his arms tightening around my waist while he nodded at me.

"I love you Jae" I added, smiling as his cheeks flushed further, the filter from my brain and mouth missing as I continued to profess random words of love to him, wanting the blush on his face to never fade.

"Thank you my sunshine. Thank you for making my life and my days better. Thank you for sticking by me, for believing in me despite seeing the mess that I am. For seeing in me what I see in you. You're the reason I got this far. You're the reason I believe in myself. Thank you my Jae, my husband"

Youngjae's shoulders shook as he cried, burying his face into my chest while mumbling about me being unfair, the tips of his ears all red while he held his hands next to his face.

I couldn't help the ridiculous grin I wore, my mood always so buoyant whenever he's in my arms. I'll never get sick of how easily we affect each other, it's something I never want to change. Especially when he's just the cutest like this, my blushing sunshine.

"I'll keep saying it until you stop crying" I whispered, remembering the dawn when I told him I love him.

"You're mean" he mumbled, shaking his head against my chest while he cried harder.