Selected: Part 3 - Love and Lace

9. THE CONFESSIONS

HAVING WORKED HERE FOR ALMOST four years, I knew the palace better than most. I knew the the hallways and the secret passageways, and how I could get to the seamstresses' quarters without being noticed. I got there in no time at all, and had managed to not run into anyone before I reached my old bedroom, where a boy was sitting, facing away from the door. By his clothes, I could tell he wasn't a palace employee, so I assumed he was the one who was waiting for me. He had dark skin and curly brown hair, but it wasn't until he turned to face me and I saw his brown eyes that I recognized him.

"Rowan?" I wondered aloud, before he could say anything. He let out a laugh, a relieved sound, and immediately went to hug me, as I stood awkwardly, crushed by his embrace. "I'm so glad you remember me. When I first saw you on TV, Lili, I knew it was you right away. That fake name don't fool nobody." He was talking in a rush, like he'd been trying hard to hold in the words for too long. I pushed him away, as gently as I could. "What are you doing here?" He laughed again. "What am I doing here? You're the one in ballgowns; a lady of the Elite when last thing I knew you were my girlfriend back in Kent." I was here because I loved Prince Ethan, and wanted to see if we were meant to be with each other. "Rowan, that was four years ago." He stopped smiling. "The worst four years of my life. Lili, you disappeared on me. It was crazy, no note, no goodbye, you we're just... gone. I was worried sick, and your parents wouldn't tell me nothing." That because they'd sold me without anyone's knowledge. "My foster parents" I corrected. "And I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to anyone; for that, I'm really sorry. I never thought you cared so much."

He inched closer to me again. "Lili, I've never stopped caring about you, not one day. Ever since I met you, even though we were just kids, I've been crazy about you. Not for one day have I stopped loving you." Overwhelmed by his words, I stood still, trying to make sense of them. I hadn't been expecting this, barely had he ever crossed my mind. He was a good friend, back then, but I didn't think we had been in love. "When I learned you were here, I knew I had to find a way to get to you. You have no idea all the trouble I've had to go through to get inside, but it was all worth it." He took my hand, and I pulled it back. "Why are you here?" He hadn't answered my question yet. "I came to ask of you to come back to Kent with me; I'll take care of you there. I'm not rich, but I'm working really hard, and I think we could be real happy together. I lo..." I held up my hand. "Stop, Rowan, please." I felt a headache coming on. "I'm really not trying to be mean; I do like you and we've had good times together back then. But, do you think I'm just messing around here? I'm serious about the Selection, and I've been working tremendously hard here every single day; now you appear out of nowhere wanting me to throw it all away for the sake of a teenage romance?"

"You love him?" Rowan asked, and it really seemed as though he had just belatedly realized the obvious. I kept my tone quiet, trying to be gentle with him. "I love Prince Ethan, and I want to be with him. I'm here to win, and even if I don't, I wouldn't go to you then either because you're not a second choice. You deserve someone who loves you as their first choice, and I'm sorry, but mine is Ethan." He deflated, his boyish charm and confident stance dropping in an instant. It pained me to hurt him, but it was the truth. "I need to go. I'm happy to see you're doing okay, and I wish you all the best." I said softly, before exiting from where I'd came. There was someone else I needed to tell the truth to.

Back in my bedroom, my lady-of-the-Selection bedroom, I sent out a note for Prince Ethan. After a bit of protest, I convinced Maya to leave me here alone for the night, as I needed privacy and could always call for them if I needed anything. I wasn't sure whether Ethan would come here so late, so I nervously fixed my hair and picked at my jewelry as I waited for his knock. It came rather quickly and I was surprised to find him already out of his fancy suit, his long hair loose and messy. He seemed out of breath, and I felt bad that he had rushed over here. "Are you okay?" He asked, closing the door behind him. "I'm sorry for making you come here so late, I just really needed to tell you some things." That did nothing to change his worried expression.

"Something really odd just happened." I took a deep breath. "You know how I was working in the palace as a seamstress? Before that, four years ago, I was living in Kent and I was dating someone. Nothing serious, or so I'd thought." Ethan's brows furrowed. "I don't like where this is going." I gestured for him to sit beside me. "He was here, downstairs; a maid came to get me and said there was someone to see me." He stood up abruptly. "For what? How did he even get in?" Ethan was never one to raise his tone, so I was taken aback by it, but I continued nonetheless. "I didn't know it was him; I went down to see who was there, figuring no matter what, I could tell you about it afterwards." I thought this would calm him, that I always intended to be honest with him, but his expression remained hard. "Well, Rowan, my ex-boyfriend, came here to tell me he was still in love with me and wanted to be together. I rejected him as I've never felt that way about him at all, and I wanted you to know that nothing happened."

"Why would you go down there all by yourself?" Ethan, who was always so calm, talked with all the authority of a prince, frustration tainting his voice. "I didn't know; it might've been important..." He cut me off. "You could've been hurt!" He started pacing, passing a hand through his hair. I lowered my head; I hadn't thought about that, and felt bad for making Ethan worry. He stopped pacing, leaning down in front of me and talking my hands, staring into my eyes as if to really get his words across. "I thank you for your honesty, and I will make sure the security of the palace is reinforced so no one like this can enter the palace again. As for this man, if you say its all in the past, I know I can trust you." I could tell he had more to say, so I stayed quiet. "But please, Liliana, you can't go on different floors without having a guard present with you. We have some unguarded areas in the lower levels, and if you had gotten hurt, I couldn't bare it."

But I couldn't trust the guards, not when one of them was behaving so weirdly toward me. I didn't know how to put that into words, though, so I stuck with the matter at hand. "I'm really sorry, Ethan, I'll be more careful." In the end, even if it had been my father, there was no one from my past life who I wanted to see, now that I could think more clearly. Ethan seemed to be holding something back, his brows furrowed. "Naomi just left." He started. "I went to say goodbye; we were friends." I admitted. "I talked to her before she left as well, and I think she was perhaps still in love with the other man." I gave it some thought, and from how emotional she'd gotten, it was possible. "You're not in love with someone else too, are you?" His expression was pained, but relaxed some when I shook my head no. It was only him.

"Sometimes I worry I'll fall for someone in the end, only to have her prefer to be with someone else." I looked down. "That's not fair." I whispered, thought I hadn't meant to say it out loud. Yet, I took the chance to say what was on my mind. "You want each of us to be yours and yours alone when none of us get the same in return? You think we don't worry that you love another girl more than us?" There was so much truth to that; sometimes I was sick of being just one Selected among many. He shrugged. "You know this is difficult situation, I'm trying to give everyone a fair chance."I hadn't been so frustrated with him since he'd said he would call off the Selection. "You didn't give Naomi a fair chance; she would still be here if it weren't for Scarlett sabotaging her." Truthfully, I was mad at Scarlett, and couldn't understand what she was doing here. "What does Scarlett have to do with this?"

"She shared her best friend's deepest secrets when it wasn't her place to. Frankly, it should've been her who left." Ethan seemed shocked. "You were never the one to talk badly of the other girls, Liliana. Scarlett is a good conversationalist, and my father's favorite. You all have reason to be here." He read my confused expression, and elaborated further. "Taylor is charismatic and positive, a joy to be around; Gwen is intelligent and graceful, which makes for a good queen; and Shannon is strong-willed, but most-of-all she teaches me more about the lower castes." He paused. "As for Agatha, she shares my love of painting and is easy to talk to, but she can be rather jealous, and sometimes speaks negatively of you all. I hate that, because you're all precious to me in one way or another."

"That kind of proves my point though; I'm just one of the six. None of us really have your favor; none of us are more special to you than the others." He had no right to judge any of us for feeling jealous and no right to judge Naomi for liking one other man when he had five other women. Some days I thought we had something so special, and my feelings for Ethan always remained just as strong no matter our disagreements and flaws, but my heart broke a little with this realization I'd just had.  Ethan didn't say anything, so we just stood awkwardly across from each other. My voice came out pained and whispered. "You gave a reason for every girl to be here, except for me. Why am I here?"