Selected: Part 3 - Love and Lace

13. THE ESCAPE

THEY GAVE US NO NEWS in regard to the state of the King's health in the following days. I stayed mostly in my room, nervous about Ethan and how he was coping. I was this close to throwing myself out the door and straight to his room, but I knew it wouldn't be permitted in these trying times. Instead, with all my friends gone except Gwen, who was still being cold, I busied myself with designing new clothing. I hadn't made something for Ethan in a long time, so I was working on a tie for him. I wanted it to have a special pattern, something that could have meaning for us, but I was at a loss for any ideas. Otherwise, I spent all my time talking with my maids as they helped me design a new dress. I was grateful to have them to talk to.

"What made you choose to become a seamstress?" Grace inquired. Though there weren't many career options within a caste, we had choices all the same. "My foster mother was a seamstress. I learned a lot from her; she thought me languages, history, and how to sew. I fell in love with the fabrics and the creative aspect of this work; it's nice to create something with your own hands, isn't it?" Maya nodded. "Oh yes! I used to make shoes before I started working here. Maybe I'll go back to that once I get out of here, if I remain a six." We all turned to her. "What do you mean?" She seemed bashful. "I dream of getting married; who knows what caste my husband will be?" I turned to Grace. "What about you? Will you be staying in the palace for much longer?" Were I to win, I wished these three could be my personal maids; I loved these girls. "After the loss of my mother, my father and I grew incredibly close. We write to each other all the time, but I miss him dearly. I think I want to return to my home province once I've raised enough money." Grace was usually so private; it was nice to know more about her.

"And you, Piper?" She smiled, large eyes sparkling through her oversized glasses. "Well I'm staying here! I love the palace; this is where I was born. If they want me gone they'll have to kick me out!" We all laughed. It was at that moment that there was a knock at the door. I hadn't been expecting anyone, and it was getting pretty late into the evening. I silently hoped it was Ethan, and there he was. "I came to get Lady Luna," Ethan started, addressing Piper who had answered the door for me. "Have I come at a bad time?" He looked around at each of our faces, but it wasn't a bad time at all. All things considered, it had been a nice day and I couldn't think of a more perfect way to end it than finally getting some time with him.

"Not at all!" I stood up. "Are we going somewhere?" He held out his arm for me. "If you're ready, darling." He'd never given me such a nickname before, and I hear my maids gushing at the sound. Luckily, I hadn't yet dressed out of my gown for the day, lacy and blue, though my hair was out of it's intricate style; rather, it hung wavy and loose around my face. I took his arm and we headed out into the hall. I'd ask where we were headed, but I kind of enjoyed the mystery of it all. Instead, the walk was quiet, but he was smiling the whole time. We arrived to an unfamiliar staircase, hidden off to one side of the palace, and he paused in front of it, leaning over to me. "Stay quiet here, we're going to have to be quick." He whispered, taking my hand.

I was a bit shocked when we started running up the stairs, his hand still holding mine as I dragged behind, but I followed without question. We didn't come across any guards, but it felt like we were in trouble somehow. Finally, we reached a door which left to the rooftop; seemingly, our final destination. Ethan gestured grandly as we stepped outside, and I took in a deep breath; the sky was full of stars tonight. On his right, there was actually some sort of circular structure, and he guided me towards it. "Not many people know about this observatory," Ethan explained. "But my mother is fond of the stars. Back when she and my father had just gotten married, there was a period of time where she got really depressed, barely getting out of bed. My father had this made for her, to make her feel better. He doesn't really do things like this for her anymore, and she doesn't come here as much as she used to, but I've always loved this place."

On the inside, there were blankets, cushions and a large telescope. We sat down so close our legs touched, and I took everything in, in awe. "This is amazing," I breathed. "Thank you for bringing me here, Ethan." His smile was crooked and sad then. "I really needed to get away from it all, to escape." All the worry I'd been feeling the past few days welled up in my chest. "How are you feeling?" He laughed, but it wasn't really funny. "Frankly, I've been suffocating. Between my father being in a dire state, my mother's erratic moods and having to take on three times the amount of work I usually do, I've barely had time to breathe." I touched his arm, hoping this time we have together really could make him feel calmer. "And your father, how is he now?" He glanced away. "It's not good, Liliana, he got hurt really bad. The wound got infected, and he's been really sick. I don't know if he'll make it."

"What? Are you serious?" I whispered, though no one could hear us on the roof. He simply nodded. "The thing is though, if he doesn't come out of this, I don't know if I would be sad. I mean, not as much as a son should be for his father, you know?" I tried to think of an answer, but he continued. "I mean, he hasn't been the best father, but I feel like a  monster for not being as upset as I should about his current state. I hope he does make it through, really, but mostly, I'm angry. Because of all this, my mother is all over the place, and I'm the one who has to  pick up the pieces; he's left the whole country in pieces with his conniving and cruel ways, and I'm the one who has to pick up the pieces." He turned to me, concern in his eyes. "I'm a horrible person, aren't I?"

But I knew where he was coming from. "What did you mean by 'he hasn't been the best father'?" I prodded further. He sighed. "It's not that he abuses me or anything of the sort, but it's like he doesn't care at all. Every time I try to speak up, he tells me to be quiet. If I say what I'm thinking, I get yelled at or belittled. We never talk, and he never wants to talk to me. It's like he doesn't care at all who I am, I'm just this toy for him to marry off." I nodded. "And what about your mother? She hasn't been coping well?" Ethan shrugged. "She's never coped well with much of anything. She's always upset or anxious or sad, and she relies on me to take care of her. My father barely looks at her ever since her moods took a turn for the worse a few years back, and I feel like I'm the only thing she has to lean on, but I don't know how to help."

"I completely understand," I shook my head, as this was all too familiar to me. "I'm sure you're doing everything you can though, you shouldn't keep putting all the blame on yourself." This is something I'd noticed about Ethan: he took on so much on his shoulders, that he would feel lost without the weight of it all, but he couldn't keep going like this forever. "Nothing here is your fault, and what your parents feel or do is out of your control. So please, be angry, sad, upset, whatever you need to be, but not at yourself." He squeezed my hand and stared into my eyes. "You're so amazing, Liliana."

We spent the rest of the night looking at the stars, and though he knew the name of each constellation, he lied and told me they all shared my name. One star was my eyes, one was my hair, my nose, my lips. "And that one, that's my favorite." I turned to him. "Which one is that?" He didn't miss a beat. "It's your smile." I burst out laughing; it was the cheesiest thing I'd ever heard. Ethan laughed too, and somewhere between the laughs and our hands touching and our bodies moving closer to each other, we kissed. The kiss was as beautiful as the first one, his lips soft and gentle on mine, but as we pulled away, it left me feeling sad. "Whats wrong?" Ethan asked, eyebrows furrowed in worry. "How many of the other girls have you kissed?" I blurted out, without thinking. His expression fell, and there was a long pause.

"You really wanna know?" Did I? And yet, I nodded. "Before you, I've kissed Agatha, then Naomi; only once though." My shoulders slumped, and I looked to the ground. "You're the only one to have gotten a second kiss." He continued, lifting my chin gently so I would look at him. "Really?" I asked, clinging on to the hope that I was special to him. He nodded,  and we kissed again. "And a third..." He whispered. And a forth, and a fifth, and a sixth...