Started With An Audition

Chapter 49

Adam's POV

Might have small areas some people find triggering, also some areas contain smut moment's.

The gig was a blur, one minute I was on stage singing to thousands of people and now I'm lying shirtless taking deep breaths on my bed whilst Tommy Joe is in the show.

I took deep breaths listening to the running water, my mind starting to go thousands of miles an hour.

What else did I not know about Tommy and his past? I never knew he was a little till now, don't get me wrong I'm fine with it but did I do something to trigger him? What if I upset him and I don't even know it?

I start to feel my heart beating faster and faster as a rush of nausea came over me.

We are getting married and yet I feel like we know nothing about each other. Does he really know the real me or just the me I want him to see?

I try so hard not to get triggered near him or mention my past so he doesn't have to see the depressed me, the me that wishes he wasn't born but its hard sometimes.

I've fallen into submissive mindset during sex before and after when he asked, I just said I wanted a change, I think secretly he knew it was before of my ex but I just couldn't say it out loud.

By thing point I could feel tears running down my face but I didn't have the strength to wipe them away, I just let them fall.

All of a sudden I felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around my waist from behind and a soft pair of lips against my bare upper shoulder.

"Baby boy try breath for me, your taking a panic attack but I'm here now, it's okay" I heard in a soft voice. I felt myself starting to breath normally again as my body started to relax and melt into Tommy kissing my shoulder and back.

"Shhh baby that's it deep breaths, just remember I'm here and I love you" he started to kiss my neck which caused me to automatically let out a small moan. I was starting to fall into submissive head space, whenever I was upset and Sauli didn't just walk away to leave me to cry myself to sleep he would use this as the perfect opportunity to get what he wanted.

I felt Tommy Joe's teeth bite into my sweet spot in my neck and a small gasp followed by a moan left my lips.
Part of me just wanted him to touch me all over but somewhere deep in my mind I wanted it all to stop before memories started to make there way back into my head.

It took all my mental strength but I stood up and walked towards the bathroom , stopping just before the door.

"What did I do Adam? , please just tell me" he sounded so lost and broken, I felt part of my heart shatter.

I heard him take a shaky breath like he was about to cry and that's when I broke.

I felt the tears start all over again and this time they were not silent.

"You did nothing Tommy. Your perfect, that's the thing too perfect"  you could hear the slight anger in my voice. He looked at me a little scared but also confused.

"What else don't I know about you Tommy! Your a fucking little, you never told me this till yesterday, what else don't I know?" By this point I was screaming, I'm sure the full bus could hear me but they knew better.
Tommy Joe had a look of guilt on his face then let out a sigh.

"I'll talk if you talk" he said in a low tone looking at his knees which were folded whilst he was sitting on the bed.  It was the first time I've ever seen him this serious.

I froze for a moment kinda shocked with what he said but then opened my mouth.

"Okay" was the only word I could get out before I walked back over to the bed and sat down taking a deep breath.

"I've had a hard past when it comes to boyfriends" my voice was already shaky, could I really tell him my full past?

"You know , well kinda know about Sauli and to be fair he was the worse but you don't know everything" I saw him raise his eyebrow in the corner of my eye.
I really didn't want to do this but I started to I might as well finish.

"Let's say I was kinda a ragdoll in my past relationships. They got mad I was a punching bag, they wanted sex they would push me till they got what they wanted even if it meant I didn't consent and just lye there taking it" my breathing was starting to speed up as all the memories came rushing back. I felt a hand softly rest on my thigh. Tommy started to make small circles in hope to calm me down which to my surprise it worked.

I took a deep breath before starting again.

"Sauli would get me drunk so I didn't know what I was doing because when I was sober I would try fight back but that always ended in me trying to cover up bruises with make-up. He never supported what I did when it came to music, I was a slut according to him and I couldn't be trusted, he actually told me once if he found out that I cheated on him he would kill me the slowest way possible, funny thing is I was so dedicated to him, he was my everything yet he fucked every guy that looked at him"  i could feel myself getting angry as I closed my fists till my knuckles turned white.

"I fucking loved him" I screamed quickly standing up and walking towards my small make-up table.

I placed both my hands on it and looked up into the mirror. My face was a mess, old stage makeup and glitter running down my face, my eyes were blood shot. This was a side of me I didn't want Tommy seeing but it was too late.

"He was my everything, I did everything in my power to make him happy, to make him feel like the most important man on this earth. All he did was make me want to end my life, drink till I couldn't stand, make me want to puke my guts up because he would always remind me how fat I was and to this day I still feel like it's true no matter how many times I'm told it's not true"
I could feel myself shaking. I looked at Tommy in the reflection, he looked almost lost in thought like he was trying to process everything I was saying but his mind wasn't working far enough.

"He actually punched me in the face in front of a bunch of his friends and laughed when I whimpered in pain. The only sex we had was filled with pain to the point I would be screaming , begging him to stop but he would tell me I was secretly enjoying it and that the pain was pleasure and oddly when we broke up I started to miss it"  all the memories running around in my head was starting to not only make me feel dizzy but sick by this point. I couldn't talk about that man anymore without wanting to cut myself apart. Just saying his name so many times made me feel worthless and reminded me how much I hated myself in every little way.

I was fat, ugly, unless and so much more, I'm honestly shocked Tommy has fucked something so worthless and horrible as me, he could do so much better.

I took a deep breath and turned around to face him and looked into his dark brown eyes.

"I've spoke enough, it's your turn. Speak up Ratliff" my voice was raspy from the amount I've been crying and shaking. I took a seat down at my make-up table and crossed my legs waiting for the small blonde in front of me to open his mouth.

Hiya guys long time no read, it's Adam. Sorry I've not been around life has been busy. I hope you enjoy this chapter and stay strong. If you ever feel like you need to talk to someone please message.