Alone Without Loneliness

Young And Confused

   It was elementary school and somehow people were already getting crushes.

   It was easy to play along since it seemed like the fastest runner was the crush everybody "chose"

"Of course I crush on him", I'd say, "Everybody does"

  But that wasn't the truth at all

  I remember the time I was forced to flirt in maybe 4th grade. I didn't see the point of it and was naturally not flirtatious, but I tried anyway.

Obviously I was not the best

  I remember a boy in 3rd who moved away and then I decided to "crush" on him because everyone HAD a crush.

  Yet I didn't pine over him while he was gone, everything went on as normal.

  I remember "crushing" on another boy when crushes actually got serious in 5th grade. I even asked him out while we walked around the playground.

  He said no and I wasn't upset.

  I couldn't understand while people "chose" to put theirselves through heartbreak...

Until I realized it wasn't a choice...

  I had empathy for them as I care way too much about other people, but I never truly understood the concept of love.

  And to this day I still don't