Alone Without Loneliness

The Wake Up Call

If I thought crushes were serious in elementary school, I was not prepared for the stampede of hormonal teenagers...

6th grade was like everybody had went to some secret camp over the summer to learn how to be a teenager and I just lost the invitation.

Suddenly the girl who cried the one time she said hell suddenly cussed out a teacher.

Suddenly the boys I hung out with all elementary school became horny jocks who just wanted sex even though they were like 11

Meanwhile me, I showed up in a khaki dress with a yellow polo so I wouldn't show my shoulders and a smile on my face.

My smile faded more and more the longer I was in middle school.

I wrote a fake secret admirer note (with the help of a friend) so I wouldn't be the one loveless nerdy girl.

I didn't understand why the girls who made fun of me for wearing dresses all the time suddenly showed up to picture day wearing humongous fancy gowns.

Turns out they were just trying to impress the boys before the first dance.

I freaked out when a boy liked me because that meant I had to return the favor right?

I went to homecoming with him and we awkwardly held hands in the middle and "slowdanced"

He gave me a beautiful cross necklace

And for some reason I felt nothing

I was heartless

He eventually became more and more creepy and our friendship grew strained

I just didn't understand how he had feelings and I didn't

It wasn't supposed to happen that way

Then 6th grade ended and it was time for 7th grade