soulmark | m.yg ✔

07 || and a little pain

Updated/Published On:
20th August 2019
20/08/2019

♥
"love is the most direct invitation of pain. and maybe, we all suffer it silently, because we know it deep inside."
-AnimeLover67-
♥

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(Y/n)'s POV
•••••

It's hard to describe the flurry of emotions that passed through me the moment our eyes met. I produced my most convincing smile and stepped inside.

The floor was cold, cooled from the air conditioner that was switched on, all day. I gulped and stopped about a few feet away.

"Hi," I whispered softly. Yoongi's eyes widened, he rubbed them once but the shock from his face did not disappear.

"Y- You, what are you doing here?" He asked, obviously shaken by my appearance. Or maybe I looked completely wrecked which scared him? If I didn't know him, I would have said that. Min Yoongi is not easily scared.

"Uh, Jin suggested that we talk this through," I managed to squeeze the words out of me. I felt blank, almost like I had no clue why I stepped in and what I was supposed to say. Namjoon face-palmed. "Don't blame him, Namjoon-ah. I should've messaged you before coming."

Yoongi muttered a small yes to himself which I heard. I smiled sadly at him.

"I heard you two," I admitted. Yoongi looked up at me, fear obvious in his eyes. "You were so loud, the voice rang out in the whole corridor."

Yoongi murmured a few curses under his breath and Namjoon turned to face me.

"I'm so sorry about this," he confessed. "I hoped to convince him as well, but I couldn't- I am really sorry."

"Namjoon-ah, it's okay," I told him with a reassuring smile. "You and Jin are doing so much for me already. I honestly can't burden you anymore with my life."

"It's not a burden!" Namjoon-ah protested. "You are our friend, we want you to be happy."

"Yeah, I will be happy when you pop the question to Jin," I smirked at his blushing face. "Also, when I become an aunt."

He tried to protest but he was a walking tomato at my words and I laughed.

"You are too nice," he grumbled, wiping his face off all the red. "I, I should go. You two talk it out."

I nodded and he said a goodbye to Yoongi who replied with a nod. Namjoon passed me to the door, giving me a small pat on the back for good luck. I turned to Yoongi and took a deep breath.

"So, you don't want this," I tried to keep my voice emotion-free. He nodded. "I won't argue, or fight. But please, I want to hear it from you. Why not? And please, tell me the whole truth. Not a vague answer."

"I, okay," he said, sighing deeply. He breathed, and I patiently waited for him to gather the courage to speak. "I'm sure you must have heard this line a lot of times... I don't know. It's not you, it's definitely 100% me and my faults."

"Your faults?" I repeated. "Are you serious Yoongi? When have I ever pointed out 'your faults'? Do I seem like somebody who cares only about your flaws and not the real you?"

Yoongi stepped closer to me and grabbed my (comparatively) small hands into his big ones.

"I don't want to risk it," he said seriously. "Can we just be friends?"

"Yoongi," I said, tears pooling into my eyes. "Why can't you give me a chance?"

He sighed, pulling me even closer, so I was nearly leaning on him now.

"(Y/n), you are one amazing girl," he said softly, making me feel like mush on the inside. "And you deserve so much better; somebody who isn't me. I am the worst person you can find to live your life with."

I opened my mouth to protest but he put a finger on my lips, making me lose my edge for a second.

"I know, you want to give me a chance," he said. His eyes bore into my mine with such an intensity, my knees felt weak. "But I don't."

"Why not?" I whispered against his finger.

"Because, because I know what will happen if you do," he said, his voice shaking as he spoke.

"What will happen?" I challenged him. He gave me a sad face, and my heart broke at the sight.

"You'll give me a chance," he said, "and you'll realise how messed up I am. And you won't want to stay. And because you give me a chance, I know I will start falling for you. And when you leave me, I won't be able to handle it. I will break, maybe forever."

I cupped his face with my hands and he looked at me, his eyes softening at the sight of me looking at him so fiercely.

"I am not leaving you," I said firmly. "Never ever. I honestly don't know why you think that I will leave you. I won't. I can't."

"Why not?" He asked, his voice in a terrifying whisper. "If you do, you will save us both. Yourself from disappointment, and me from heartbreak."

"Yoongi, stop thinking that you can't be loved," I told him. "You can. You are amazing. You are a genius, your music is great, and I'm in love with it. You are always so kind to me, and although you rarely appreciate the bright things, preferring the dark, I honestly like every bit of you."

"I- I, I don't want to hurt you," he pleaded to me. "Please, just, stay away from me. We can be friends if you want, that's o- hey, why are you crying?! Don't cry, I don't know what to do if you cry!"

The tears were freely flowing down my cheeks at his words. I rubbed his cheeks as he gave me a concerned once-over.

"Why are you such an idiot?" I asked him, and he looked confused at that. "I, I tried saying it indirectly, but I guess you need the words. Why don't you realise that, I love you? I have loved you for quite some time now."

His blank face broke me. Did he have nothing to say on that?

"You don't," he croaked out. "You don't love me. You don't know me. You think you do, but you don't, and I am telling you but you refuse to listen."

"I see," I wiped my cheeks and pulled away from him. "Then this is it, I guess. I tried my hardest, I even told you what I had been afraid to admit to myself. I was born soulmate-less, and the only thing I have ever wanted is someone who can love me for me. And I would love them for who they are; no matter if they are a gangster, a murderer or a music producer."

His face depicted hesitation at my words, but I simply licked my dry lips and turned towards the door.

"It was lovely meeting you and sharing those memories with you," I said to him. "But please, do me a favour and don't try to be my friend. I won't be able to- I can't handle it if you are always in front of me but unattainable. Because I truly fell for you, and nothing you do can stop me from loving you so."

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Words: 1232