Secrets

Ten

At lunch I went to the front of the school and saw Harry walking towards the parking lot. I chewed on my lip before following him, leaving a space in between us that wouldn't make it obvious that I was doing so. He walked off campus and when we were both a few blocks away, he looked back and waited for me to catch up, so I jogged the last few feet.

We walked quietly next to each other until we got to a small park. We stopped by a tree and sat down. I looked at him, while Harry stared in front of him.

While he gathered his thoughts I just watched him. His hair was longer than my Harry's hair, but other than that, they looked exactly the same. Same sparkling green eyes, high cheekbones, red lips. I wished things were the same like they were in my coma or whatever.

Harry finally took a deep breath. "We started dating right before freshman year through first semester of sophomore year. And we were both really fucking happy. Then it got complicated because my parents were wondering why I stopped dating since we didn't tell anyone about us. I was stupid enough to go on a date with a girl without telling you and when you found out, obviously you were really fucking hurt. It wasn't right, but I don't even know exactly what I said to turn it against you, but suddenly it was your fault I did it.

"Everyone started asking why we weren't friends anymore. You wouldn't say anything, and I started making shit up, and it got twisted. There's so many fucking stories out about it now, I don't even know which one was the start of it. It just kept getting out of hand, and when everything actually hit me, how badly I fucked up, how much of this was pushed onto you unfairly, it was too late to take it back. I wanted to end it, but I started it, you were so pissed at me and yourself, I couldn't do anything.

"It destroyed you. I destroyed you. And you never said a fucking word against me unless we were fighting. You never started them either. You tried to avoid fights at all costs until I pushed you too far." He looked at me and forced a smile then let it drop. His eyes were full of sadness and he forced himself to keep eye contact. "I hate the fact I did that. And I'm not expecting you to forgive me at all. I don't deserve that. But I'm so fucking sorry, Louis."

I took a deep breath. So much was trying to process, but I wasn't connecting most of the events he was talking about. It wasn't there, and the doctor said.if I hadn't remembered it, there was a pretty good chance I never would. "So, what?" I asked quietly.

Harry turned his body to face me more before he stared speaking again. "So, I want to move past this. Even if it's not now, I don't want to keep doing this to you. I'm not saying anything, I've been trying to shut down the rumors. When you disappeared and Niall wouldn't say anything, it really freaked me out and I finally broke and asked him the other day, but he didn't tell me. I still care about you, and even if you don't care about me, I'm going to get it to stop."

He looked like he was about to cry. I didn't want to see him cry. I knew he was being sincere.

I moved closer to Harry and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him. He wrapped his arms around my middle and put his face in my neck. "I'm sorry, Louis."

I shouldn't forgive him. I shouldn't, but fuck, I needed Harry. I squeezed him tightly and took a deep breath. "I'm not gonna lie, I don't remember any of that. And I'm in love with a made up version of you that could totally be clouding my judgement, but I forgive you."

Harry shook his head but didn't lift it. "I don't deserve it."

"I don't care. Look at me," I whispered. Harry looked up at me and I sat back on my knees. "I want to get things back. I don't want to have to deal with not being able to talk to you. I want to. I don't care what you did. I don't remember it. At this point, there's a good chance I won't. We can forget it and move on, okay?"

Harry closed his eyes, chuckling. "Fuck, I don't deserve you."

"Don't say that. Clean slate, okay? Fuck what everyone else says. Let the rumors go, stop listening to them, stop reacting to them." I wiped under his eyes to catch a stray tear. He opened them and I stared at his emerald green eyes. "We're in control."

Harry nodded slowly. "And we'll do this right. Okay? Whatever that means, we'll do it right."

I didn't realize my hands were still on his face until I accidently brushed his lips with my thumb. I went to pull them away, but he out his over mine. "I miss you," I whispered, my thumb moving to his bottom lip again. It felt so familiar. Like I had done it a million times.

"I miss you, too." Harry closed his eyes. "Fuck, I miss you so much, Beam."

I stared at him for a few seconds, everything from our actual relationship surfacing. "You always called me Beam," I whispered.

Harry nodded. "You loved it. It always made you smile." He kept staring at me, slowly dropping his hands from mine, but I didn't move mine. "My Beam."

And it did. It made me smile and bite my lip. Harry smiled. I wanted to kiss him, but I knew we shouldn't yet. Instead we finally stood up, and Harry intertwined our fingers.

I gave him a questioning look and he continued to smile. "I told you, we're doing it right, this time."