Secrets

Fourteen

"I almost killed myself over everything, Harry. There's no way Niall's even going to let you remotely close to me," I sighed, picking up a French fry.

"You what?" Harry asked, slamming his drink on the table. I shrugged and stuffed my mouth full of fries. "Louis, what do you mean-?"

I sighed and rolled up my sleeve, showing Harry all the scars. He grabbed my arm when I went to pull it away, studying each one. After a few seconds he let go and rubbed his face.

"You should hate me forever," he said.

"I can't," I replied. "I can't hate you."

"You need to."

"You don't want me to."

Harry sighed but nodded. "I fucking hurt you, Louis. I don't deserve this, and you deserve so much better. You deserve fucking everything."

"That's just it, I don't think I do," I admitted. I stayed quiet until Harry prompted me with "why?". "It's complicated. But I think I've been a bigger problem at home for longer than everything that happened with us."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked.

"Did I do this while we were dating? Before?" I asked, waving my arm.

Harry chewed on his lip. "I got you to stop for a while," he answered quietly. "You've never been happy, from what I've known. I'm pretty sure a big part of it is the fact you and Liam got separated. But you've never been completely happy."

"When we were together I was," I mumbled.

Harry shrugged and barely nodded. "Yeah, I guess. It was more like distracting you. If you sat there too long, it wasn't hard for you to get upset. And with all of this getting added on, and me trying to tell you the truth, it's probably way more than you should be trying to handle."

I sighed. "I just... I hate it here. Call me fucking insane, but I miss the made up world or whatever I fucking came up with. We're happy together with no issues, Liam's still my brother. It's... easier there, I guess."

"But this is real life, Louis," Harry said, making me look up at him. "And real life fucking sucks, but we have to deal with it."

"Then I want to deal with it with you. I don't care what happened. I don't remember it."

"That doesn't mean it didn't happen, Lou."

"Harry," I whined. "Just fucking agree, please."

"Beam," he said slowly. "I can't just go with it. Like you said, Niall would kill me if he saw us talking."

I wanted to cry. Why couldn't Harry just go with it for once in his life? "Fine," I whispered.

"Beam-"

"I'm fine, Harry," I continued to whisper. If I talked any louder, I'd start crying.

"Louis, I want to, but it's not what you need."

"It's what I want!" I stood up and shook my head. "It's never about what I fucking want."

"Louis-" Harry stood up, stepping closer to me.

I stepped further away. "Just leave me alone."

"No, I'm not-" Harry grabbed my arm, but I ripped it away.

"There's not a point!" I yelled, staring at him. "You're gonna listen to Niall. It doesn't fucking matter."

"Will you stop being difficult?" He asked, pulling me to his chest and wrapping his arms around me tightly. I stopped fighting and leaned into him, shutting my eyes tightly. "If you want this, we'll do it. Fuck whatever Niall says, whatever any one else says."

I moved my arms around his neck. "I need you. Even if it doesn't make any sense, I fucking need you."

"Then I'll be there," Harry whispered.