Bangtan Writers Reviews

Game Over by @bluebusan

Game Over by bluebusan
Review by votreame

IMPRESSION BEFORE READING

The description gave a summary of the story which is good but also ruined the whole element of surprise. As I was reading it, all I could think in my head was Romeo and Juliet. I realise that many, even published books, take inspiration from the play by Shakespeare. It's like the mother of plot-holes in "family feud" stories. So for this case only, I won't judge too harshly on this.

The title was interesting and I could clearly understand why and how it was related to the story. I also liked the cover since there weren't many colours included (so it wasn't a mess), and it was simple. Like they say, sometimes less is more.

AFTER READING

I felt like in the teaser, your writing didn't quite make sense? I'm so worked up on this because the teaser is basically the first official impression given to the reader. Therefore if it seems off, the reader would choose to exit the book immediately. This is why I'd like to recommend you recheck your punctuation because even a tiny missing comma could make your writing go downhill. For example, the following line was difficult to understand due to the bad use of punctuation [but he's faster a sexy smile coming onto his lips]???

Also, this next line [i can feel the way his fingers brush up my thigh and something as simple as that has me weak under him with shivers running down my spine] isn't descriptive, especially for scenes with sexual content. You should try to use exciting adjectives and a variety of sentence types. You've completely forgotten about the show-not-tell code that most writers use. Show the reader how it makes her weak. On a positive note, I loved the rare humour that popped up once in a while because I love anything comedy. It made the mood lively.

Now moving onto the chapters: they were good, however, nothing was interesting? It just seemed like any other Taehyung FanFiction, the narrator is kind of bland, and there's nothing special. But this may be because we're only in chapter six, and it wasn't until the recent chapter that we met Taehyung. So I hope the plot will develop into something really cool!

FOCUSES

Since you didn't specify your focuses, I'll pinpoint the main ones starting with the writing style. Again, it was okay. It wasn't bad, but I can't say it was overly great? The length of the chapters are really long, and although sometimes it can be a good thing, I think you should try to cut it down to keep the reader intrigued; at times I was getting bored.

Secondly, I couldn't quite connect with the characters as much as I hoped I would. Writing in first person should allow the reader to be in the narrator's shoes, but I don't think you were able to showcase that fully. Don't get me wrong, at some points you definitely did! I just wish you'd portray more of her feelings and emotions instead of just describing what she's doing and who she's talking to.

I was pleased to see that (almost) all throughout the book you were able to keep the tense and not switch (even I have problems with this!) so well done! Just make sure to double check your usage of punctuation.

I cannot say much about the plot since we're only diving into the plot. But the flow so far is amazing. I love how you're taking the chapters step by step and not rushing because patience makes a good story!

ADVICE

Add scenarios in which the reader can fully understand the protagonist! Also, English is a tricky language so be careful with words such as 'send' and 'sent'.

[did my father sent this] is not correct grammar.

[Did my father send this?] Or [Was this sent by my father?] is correct

ENDING NOTE

You are a good writer, and everyone has room for improvements. Just don't give up and keep writing, then you'll be able to witness your progress.

We remind you to credit us, thebtswriters, and your reviewer, votreame, in the description of your story for giving you a review. Thank you for requesting!