Bangtan Writers Reviews

MySophobia by @LOBELYJIMIN

MySophobia by LOBELYJIMIN
Review by kpop_trashbag

IMPRESSION BEFORE READING

The cover's too dark in my opinion and the book doesn't have a super dark theme from what I got from the chapters you had. I do like the font, I would like if it was bigger though as it's hard to read. (I noticed you changed your cover and to be honest, I preferred the other one you had. This new one doesn't have anything to do with the book itself, it's just for the sake of the theme. You can keep a theme while also having a cover that matches with the book, at least a little.)

I like the title, it's something different and caught my interest.

The description could be better. I think more could be added to it to give the reader more insight on what the book's going to be about while also hooking them in. The description is short and doesn't really tell us anything about the book, and not to mention uninteresting. It's more of just a scene, not an actual description.

AFTER READING

I didn't like how you introduced the book in chapter one. I thought it could have been presented better. Like maybe go into detail, describe more about her landing back in Korea and/or some background about why she was in Paris. Because Wow. Korea looks so weird after being in Paris for three years, and then going straight into dialogue just wasn't a great start for me. Add more to it, something that would cause me to be interested in to keep reading.

FOCUSES

(Plot)

You need to have more paragraphs as everything is mostly just dialogue and a few sentences. Describe the scenery, the characters' emotions, how they feel. Without it, it makes the book dull and lifeless. Give us detail about things and describe the characters in detail to make things seem more realistic and so we can get an image of the scene in our head. Yes, you showed pictures of the characters in the beginning but it's still nice to have those details and descriptions of them throughout the book. It adds more to the book.

I think the book's pace should be slowed down some. Things just happened too quickly without and explanation of things or background. Some scenes should be slowed down some instead of jumping right into something else.

The plot idea that you have seems interesting and what surrounds it I actually like and for me, would be something different, but I thought it could have been presented better. Your presentation of the book didn't catch my interest and I wouldn't have read the book if I wasn't reviewing it.

Senses were a little jumpy and seemed rushed, certain things didn't make sense to me or just wasn't realistic. Be more clear about things in your writing and take it slower.

(Writing style)

Your writing style is pretty simple and straightforward. Have some complex sentences, detail, and be more descriptive. Your writing was plain and bland. Get more creative with your writing, take some risks. Try out different writing styles, get out of your comfort zone.

(Characters)

Your charters need to be more fleshed out. They also need more emotion, and you need to describe those emotions in detail too. They felt plain. Just characters, nothing more. They're unremarkable. The characters should have a personality that the readers can get a hold of, and they should be at least somewhat distinct from each other, otherwise, they would be boring. Add some flaws to them, and give them emotion. Make them realistic. Writing down their personality, flaws, and background might be helpful.

The female MC is like most female MC's. And Jimin, his character is weird, and I'm not talking about his germaphobia. His personality and how he acts could have been set out more.

ADVICE

Don't use sigh, laugh, smile, etc as dialogue tags as it isn't correct.

Ex.

I run a hand through my brown hair with a sigh, "Of course no one came to pick me up."

Should be-

I run a hand through my brown hair with a sigh. "Of course no one came to pick me up."

Another example-

He stares at me in astonishment, "first you shove your things at me then you forget to call me oppa?" He questions~

Make sure to capitalize words at the beginning of a sentence/start of new dialogue. When you use a dialogue tag, it should be lowercase unless you're using their name or the letter I.

Should be-

He stares at me in astonishment. "First you shove your things at me and then you forget to call me oppa?" he questions~

You had missing words that made sentences sound weird or used the wrong word. You also needed commas in areas that didn't have them. Make sure to proofread your chapters.

I would suggest looking into how to write dialogue correctly as you have issues writing it at times. Also, I wouldn't use all caps as looks unprofessional.

Another thing I would suggest is reading other books and analyze their writing style to help you get ideas of how you can improve on your own writing style. And like I said, just try out new things and see which one fits best with you.

ENDING NOTE

The plot idea seems cool, but you need to work on your writing and characters some more. I think the book needs to be reconstructed and revamped, but that's just my opinion. Don't get discouraged, keep writing and strive for improvements.

We remind you to credit us, thebtswriters, and your reviewer, kpop_trashbag, in the description of your story for giving you a review. Thank you for requesting!