when i imagine who i'm going to be someday or what type of things i'm going to accomplish, i think of my love for music. how when i let the words i poetically formed myself flow from my mouth, i truly find the peace and happiness i'm craving.
this i...
i've currently been up till 2am looking at Yungblud. with how much of an asshole he was i hated to say he's good, but he actually is. i was invested in his ambitions and the way he views society. he wants to make a difference just like i do, him and i aren't different in that sense but his personality is all off. maybe he's kind to his fans and everyone else but he has a hit out for me and i'm sure of it.
autoplay interrupted my thoughts as youtube automatically played another one of his songs. this one was called 'Tin Pan Boy' and from the sounds of it already, i feel like this is my favorite. but it's not like i like him as an individual, it's his music i'm interested in. you can like someone's music and not like them personally, there was never a rule against that.
or maybe i just wanted to tell myself that to feel better.
why am i thinking about him or even looking him up when he probably hasn't even done the same? he probably went home and forgot about me and our conversation because it pissed him off that much. i kind of just wanted to remind him i'm here just to piss him off even more. so with that, i pulled out my phone and went onto instagram. finding him wasn't hard at all. and maybe it was a stretch and i'm doing this for all the wrong reasons, but my mind was too into it to go against my actions.
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maybe it was too forward as well, but i didn't want to come off as weak or too soft, he was so rude to me after all. and one thing about me is that i will never let anyone talk to me with such disrespect, not without a fight and not without them knowing i'll bite back with just as much force. i just wanted us to be equal.
within minutes, my phone dinged next to my computer and so i picked it up. of course it was him, i was just surprised to see him up at the same time as i am.
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i snickered and sighed. he's kind of right but also not, i wanted him to know my reasons but they were just too far out for him to know.
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