Touch Me, Don't Love Me // styles

f i f t y - t w o

As I stood in front of my car and threw my polo to the backseat, I noticed a group of women from the corner of my eye walk out of the cafe. I heard some light chatter and laughter before a hand tapped on my shoulder. I turned around and it was Lena, holding her usual drink, folders in her arm, and her long blonde hair in a ponytail. She had on an awkward smile and her eyes kept on going back and forth between me and her friends who were already walking away without her.

"Hey Lena." I wiped the back of my neck with my hand though there was no sweat. I oddly felt uncomfortable talking to her, because now, she knows something about me that anybody could use to break me. I hate the feeling that someone, in an instant, could have total control over me if they choose to.

"Hey..." She shifted on her heels, balancing the folders on her arm. "How have things been going?" Her eyes were of sympathy, I don't know what for. The only reason that I could think of I tried to push away from my thoughts.

"Okay." I nodded, but she doesn't seem to believe me. "I mean... no, they're not okay lately. Lily's been in an accident and she broke her ankle. Now she has to skip school for a while, and Mrs. Davis has to look after her during the day."

"Oh." Her eyes fell to the ground, then back up to mine in an instant. "Mrs. Davis?" She asked.

"Yeah. The woman who lived next door. Lily's over there right now." I looked over to the direction where her friends left, I could still hear their loud chatter from a distance.

Lena nodded. "So... I've been thinking, do you have anything planned for... Lily and yourself?" It was maybe out of curiosity.... or concern that she wanted to know. Knowing Lena, it might actually be the latter.

"I don't know... I have a bad feeling about something." I contemplated if I should tell her what's been bothering me since this morning when I woke up. But what the hell, Lena is a person to trust, so I shouldn't worry. "I don't want to think about it because it might only be me going insane, but It's scaring me. I'm not ready for mom to know yet, at least not until Lily's out of high school." There is no other way to explain the fast thumping under my chest. Something's about to happen, and I can feel that it's not going to be good.

"You have a bad feeling because... because it's not right Harry."

"What?"

"Lily's your mother's daughter, if there's one good thing you can do, that is to leave her alone." I was surprised at what she said. I guess I was wrong. Lena is not the right person to tell this thing to. She is just going to mess me up in the head and make it harder for me. I should have known.

I should have known that she is too far from a rule breaker to even consider my dilemma. Or a solution to it at least.

"What are you talking about Lena? I thought you were with me in this?" I am so confused. Why is she doing this?

"I'm your friend Harry, and if I really am with you in this, I'd say for you to stop it." I shook my head and slightly laughed at myself. This is unbelievable. I don't need another person other than myself to tell me this won't be any good. And I admit it, it won't, but I will take the risk.

I looked Lena firmly in the eyes and nodded. "Okay..." I whispered before turning away and jogging to the driver's side.

"Hey where are you going?" She called after me and followed. I almost climbed to my seat, but hesitated. I moved back and closed the door.

"Where do you think I'm going? I'm going home. I'm going to pick Lily up and take her home. And just so you know, I don't need you to tell me any of the things you told me. I don't need you, because you don't understand what I'm feeling! You don't understand that I love her!" I stopped myself when I realised that I was shouting and pointing my finger at her. She was shocked at my sudden rage. I've just had it, I don't want to hear another person telling me that I'm wrong or I will surely lose it.