solby | miss missing you

thirteen.

the silence is heavy.

so heavy.

it's like a cloud. a cloud of worries, of fears and unshed tears. it floats around the apartment, weighs down on the (ex) couple's shoulders. it's heavy and soon the boys will drop to the floor, unable to carry it anymore.

sam pads down the hallway silently, frail arms wrapped around his middle as an attempt to warm himself up. the door of the apartment is wide open, the elevator dings and colby walks out, empty arms and empty heart.

without even glancing at the blonde he grabs the last two boxes and walks back into the elevator, pressing the bottom floor button and disappearing behind the heavy sliding door.

sam knows better than to help him, he's not even sure he could lift one of those boxes. he's tired, exhausted even, he can barely carry his own weight and he's surprised his legs haven't given out yet.

everything is so fragile.

their voices. their relationship. their hearts.

each of those could completely shatter any minute now, the pressure is suffocating.

sighing, colby timidly steps into the apartment and closes the door behind him. sam frowns at him. he's expected him to just leave as soon as he could, but before he could question the brunette, a body slams into his, shaky arms wrapping around his waist.

sam doesn't hesitate to squeeze colby in his arms, his heart breaking even more when a sob escapes the other.

"i-i'm so so-sorry, i wish... i-i wish it-it wouldn't have ended th-this way..." colby manages to breath out between sobs, limbs trembling as he struggles to pull sam even closer.

the blonde feels his eyes well up with tears too and he nuzzles his nose in the crook of colby's neck, allowing all his hurt and pain to roll down his cheeks. "don't apologize. please."

colby hiccups before trying to take a deep breath in, in vain because he soon breaks down all over again. sam's arms tighten around him and the two boys couldn't stand any closer.

"i still love you," sam doesn't know why he feels the need to say those words, it's no use. yet he does, "s-so much," and he cracks. he completely breaks down, lets his walls fall, lets his mouth run before he can even think. "p-please don't go-go, i d-don't know what i-i... what i'm gonna d-do without you. we can fix this, wh-whatever happened to-to us, i'm sure it's not completely broken."

he hears colby take a deep breath in, slowly, before the brunet pulls away. sam's arms tense up around him, he doesn't want to let go, and a small, sorrowful smile creeps onto colby's lips. cautiously, he brings his hands up to sam's face and places them on his wet cheeks, blue eyes diving into blue eyes. both pairs are as desperate as the other, white becoming red.

sam grips onto his hands, clutching, colby's touch feels like the last bit of oxygen in sam's lungs and his voice rings in sam's ears like music, soft, melancholic music that makes his heart clench.

colby shushes him gently, yet he's crying just as hard, unable to stop, to hold back. his body is shaking so hard, palms trembling against sam's skin. he speaks quietly after calming down slightly, almost in a whisper, afraid to disturb the fragile atmosphere, "sam, we both know that's not true," his breath hitches, then he exhales deeply, "i love you too. i love you so much it's crazy b-but..."

"love is not always enough," sam finishes, eyes casting downward in a sort of shame. he's so ashamed, ashamed to let the love of his life go, ashamed that he didn't fight as hard as he should have when their world started crumbling down, ashamed that he didn't even try to pick up the pieces until it was too late.

his hold on colby's hands seems to get impossibly tighter, but colby allows him. they're holding onto each other for the last time, close, closer than they have been recently. it's obvious none of them wants this moment to end, wants their relationship to end. words hang heavy in the air, the arguments that turned into fights, the sweet touches that became bothersome, memories that slipped off their minds.

"sammy," colby calls upon noticing the blonde zoning off.

sam's defeated eyes land on colby yet again, darker from all the emotions they hold. he gives the brunet a questioning look, waiting for him to speak some more.

a deep breath in, "can we kiss ?"

colby's exhale comes out in a stutter, he apprehends sam's answer but there's nothing to be scared of because, not two seconds later, sam's lips crash against colby's, love pouring from one mouth to another. the gesture is familiar yet slowly becoming foreign, bound to become foreign. chest to chest, lips to lips, all of their pent-up hurt spills out. it's a heartbreaking sight, such a poignant thought, two lovers needing to give up on each other for their love has become more toxic than affectionate. time won't help, talking it out won't either anymore, and they hate how this is their ending, the last time they kiss, the last time they share such an intimate moment. the last time they can actually refer to themselves as lovers.

when they pull away, colby's face finds comfort in the crook of sam's neck for one more instant before he takes a step back, breaking all contact between them.

they inhale in sync.

their gazes align, they share a final goodbye.

and colby walks out.

the silence is heavy.

and so is the front door that closes behind him.