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eighteen

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   I laid awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. Soft snores came from Bucky as he slept on the couch next to the wall. He had decided to let me have the bed for an extra night. I debated letting him take it, but I knew he would refuse, so I laid there in silence—well, as much silence as I could get with his snoring.

I was asleep for a while, but I couldn't help waking up after the dream I had.

   My vision is consumed by vibrant colors and light as I hold onto Thor for stability. It felt like I was moving so fast, yet staying so still at the same time. It was incredible.

   The feeling was over almost too quickly. I found myself landing on my feet in an open room that was bright and golden. "This is so beautiful." I breathe out, taking a step forward.

   I hear Thor and Loki's heavy footsteps behind me, making me turn to face them. Thor had a wide smile on his face, most likely from my reaction. "Lady Raven, I'd like for you to meet Heimdall, he sees all."

   "I believe it was about time for you to come here. It's wonderful to finally meet you, Lady Raven." Heimdall bows slightly, confusing me.

   "There's no need to bow, it's just me." At my words, Heimdall chuckles, looking to Thor.

   "She does not know who she is." He looks to Thor. "Nor does she know where she came from."

   "I was getting around to telling her. There just hasn't exactly been time." Thor excuses, making Loki roll his eyes. "Now, if you'll excuse us, Heimdall, I must take Loki to the dungeons and Raven to meet someone."

   "I called guards to handle Loki, you go ahead with her." Heimdall gave a gentle smile that eased nerves I didn't even know I had.

   "Thank you." Thor replies before turning as beckoning me to him. "C'mon, I have something to show you."

• • •

   "Growing up, my mother had a best friend. Her name was Freya. For me, Freya was like another motherly figure, she was close to our family." Thor began telling a story, leading down a large hallway. "Freya had never married, so when it became known that she was pregnant, everyone was shocked. No one ever found out who the father was because she would never tell anyone, not even my mother . . . her best friend."

   "What happened to the baby?" I raised an eyebrow.

   Thor smiled knowingly. "The baby was born, perfectly healthy, but since she was born out of wedlock, there was a lot of scrutiny that Freya was under. She didn't want her baby to have to grow up in such an unwelcoming society; she wanted her to be happy. So one day, she contacted my mother to have Heimdall open the Bifrost."

Thor took a left down the corridor, leading me into a huge room. "Freya took the baby to Midgard, or as you call it, Earth. She was placed in an adoption facility, and she only had one request: that the baby be named Raven."

That was when I had woken up. I had previously gotten flashes of my memories from when I visited Asgard with Thor, but nothing that detailed. It made it easier to figure out where I belonged before everything happened.

Unlike Bucky, I wasn't writing down my memories and connecting things in a notebook. I was just keeping everything in my head, which wasn't helping the confusion that kept growing.

The day he'd come home with his notebook, he'd also come back with an extra.

"Raven, I'm back. I—I got something from the market." He cleared his throat as he stepped inside, setting a plastic grocery bag on the couch. I peek out of the bathroom, toothbrush hanging from my mouth as I nod to him.

I spit the remaining toothpaste out, wash off the toothbrush, and blot my face with a towel before walking out to meet him. "What'd you get?"

"They're to help with . . . everything. I—I know that if it's hard for me, it has to be at least somewhat difficult for you, too. I think writing it down would help keep track of it all." Bucky explains quietly, scratching the back of his neck.

"You do what you want. I'd prefer the small memories that are there to stay between me, myself, and I."

Bucky didn't push it when I said that. He only said that if I ever changed my mind that it would be waiting in the corner of the kitchen counter for me. He was always so nice that it irked me sometimes. How could someone that went through so much, still be so soft spoken and considerate? It was something that I admired and sometimes disliked in him, but that was only when I wished that I could be the same way.

   "Hey, what're you doing up?" His voice was gruff and tired.

   My eyes quickly flickered to meet his blue ones and a sense of comfort and familiarity washed over me, but I pushed it away. "Nothing. My bad, just go back to sleep." I cleared my throat.

"No, it's fine." He sat up on the couch, running a hand over his face. "What happened? Was it another dream?"

Realizing I was going to wind up telling him anyway, I sat up and nodded. "It was—It was more stuff about Asgard."

Bucky stood up and made his way to the bed, sitting down next to me. "You can tell me what it was. I'm not going to judge you, it's not like I have a right to."

   "I remember where I'm from. Who my mom is—or was. I don't know if she's still alive or not . . . with my luck, probably not." I let out a sigh, looking up at him.

"I've never exactly been an optimistic person, but I'm fairly sure that isn't the right attitude to have." He tries to joke which is something I've only seen him do maybe twice before, so I let a small smile grace my face.

   "You really are something, Bucky." I let out a small breathy chuckle. "You know that?"

He shakes his head a little, letting a comfortable smile grace his face. "Only because you told me so, Raven." Bucky points out, a sigh leaving his lips a few moments after. "Why don't you just tell me what you remember? Kind of like a summary of everything?"

"I should've written everything down like you said to. It's—It's all messy and doesn't make sense sometimes, but I think I was on a team. I . . . I think I was an Avenger, Buck. Everything that I remember—everything I see in my memories and dreams, they have them in it. They were my friends and I think when HYDRA messed with my mind, they knew that it happened and they tried to help." I try to place the words in an order that makes sense, forcing together bits and pieces that form a rugged timeline of where I was and who I was.

   "We need to find them, please. If I'm right and I'm not reading this wrong, the captain—he was your friend, too. He knew you."

   Bucky gulps. I know he hates that I started bringing this up more lately, but we both need help as much as we hate to admit it. Bucky didn't want to ever put anyone in danger and I understood that, but as long as we kept a low profile I didn't see a problem.

   "You realize that if you're wrong about this, we could both wind up dead, right?" His gaze pours into mine, looking for my answer. I nod slowly. "Okay. We'll leave in about a week and a half. You better be right."