How NOT to Write a Fanfic

Tattoos

This has little to do with fanfiction, but since it's something that bothers me when done incorrectly, I thought it would be okay to post it here. And this may be useful in your fic anyway, but it's more of general knowledge.

Why is everyone so clueless about tattoos?

I guess the answer is that most of you don't have tattoos. And if you want them, you don't know much about the process since that might be years away. But it doesn't hurt to learn, so here are some corrections.

First: the thing you use to insert the ink is not called a tattoo gun. It is called a tattoo machine. I, and many others such as real tattoo artists, actually physically cringe when it is called a gun. This is what was so tragic about a really good fic that was recently finished on AO3. The author called it a tattoo gun every single time. It's okay not to know this since very few of you likely have a future in the tattooing business (that sounds pretentious, but it's a demanding job, so a lot of people drop out early on). But if you didn't know already, now you do. Don't make the mistake again.

The other tragic thing about the fic is that the whole premise was based on an impossibility. Tattoo artists are not trained to remove tattoos. That is a dermatologist's job. You could technically be both a tattoo artist and a dermatologist, but that takes a lot of training and certification and hard work just to be able to remove the art you were already trained to apply, plus moving from a shop to a clinic at intervals, so this just isn't believable. Plus, getting a tattoo removed, according to most people, hurts much worse than getting a tattoo. However, it's over much more quickly (if you don't take into account that it takes around ten sessions to remove most tattoos). This means that, since falling asleep during a tattoo is unlikely, it's way more unlikely to fall asleep while getting one removed. It's just too painful and doesn't last long enough.

While we're on the topic, as far as pain goes, the general rule is that if it's a bony area, the nerves are more sensitive, so it's more painful. Head, spine, ribs, feet, and collarbone all really hurt; plus, for some reason, the area close to your butt crack. Fleshy parts like arms, thighs, and the fuller part of your ass don't hurt too bad. Some say the stomach hurts like a bitch; some say it barely feels like anything. A lot of it just depends on the person since everyones' nerves are set up differently.

In a lot of cases, when you get a tattoo, you first have to set up an appointment. This can be to make sure you bring your ID and all necessary paperwork/payment, or it can be simply because you've chosen an artist who is very busy. If it's a custom tattoo, it's very rare to be able to get that tattoo on the first day you walk in the shop. Tattoo artists are artists, and they're usually very good at what they do, but that doesn't mean they can produce a custom sketch in ten minutes. If you're getting a custom piece, count on having to wait awhile to get it. Flash is handled a little differently. For those who don't know, flash is the artwork you see when you walk in; the mass-produced drawings of skulls and roses and anchors and dice and whatever the artists at the shop have created. You can just walk in and get some flash if they're not busy and you have everything you need. In some cases, you may have to set up another appointment anyway, but walking in once and walking out inked is a possibility.

Tattoos are either done using a stencil or done freehand. A stencil is made using heat transfer paper and purplish (or occasionally red) ink to press a temporary image onto skin to act as a guideline. Freehand does not mean they clean and shave your skin and then just bust a needle all up in you. Typically (on light skin), the artist first draws a guideline in yellow ink directly on your skin, refines and details it in red, and, if necessary, touches it up in a darker color before getting started on the tattoo. On darker skin, yellow doesn't show up, so they start with red instead.

Custom and freehand pieces are priced differently than flash. In most cases, flash has a set price that the customer is aware of before the artist gives the tattoo. With custom/freehand, however, it's usually priced by the hour. The cheapest you can find is about $50 an hour (not recommended; pay for quality and you will get quality; be a cheapskate and you'll end up with shit on your body), ranging up to as much as $300 an hour for really popular artists. Tattoos are expensive; if you pay less than a hundred bucks for a tattoo, it's probably either tiny as shit or just shit.

Since tattoos are permanent, artists must be careful and precise. This means that you can't sit down in the chair and be up and finished in ten minutes (unless it's just a small word or something). Full back pieces can take as many as fifty hours broken down into several sessions. Large tattoos cannot typically be done in one. Preparation and sterilization alone can take a lot of time. Don't expect it to be over with quickly.

(NOTE: I'm rereading this at 18 and decided to input a little of my experience with being tattooed. I have what you'd call a quarter sleeve; it covers my arm from about shoulder to elbow, but doesn't wrap all the way around. It took my artist about an hour total to get prepared before he started actually tattooing me. The tattoo itself took about 5 hours. He charges $150 per hour but rounded my total down from $750 to $700, although I ended up paying more than $750 after tipping).

Healing also takes time. I recommend that, if you get a tattoo, take care of it as your artist tells you to. It can't be touched up for at least two weeks. If there's scabbing, don't pick at it. No excessive soaking in water or sunlight for at least a month. It will be sensitive for awhile; it should feel like a sunburn for about a week.

The sterilization process is important. Before tattooing, the needle bar, tube, and other removable components go in the autoclave, which kills microorganisms. Whatever can't go in is disinfected and bagged to prevent contamination. The equipment is not set up completely until the client is in the chair. The artist puts on gloves before pouring ink and assembling the machine, then switches (and washes their hands) before shaving and cleaning the client's skin. Then, the gloves are changed one more time and the tattooing process can begin.

It's a lot to remember, and it probably isn't all that important to know, but it you're going to jump on the bandwagon and write a tattoo shop AU (tip: don't), at least you have some basic knowledge.