Count to Ten

Special Quest: Read the Book Without Gloves

Izuku was taking a shower. He was watching as the water trailed off of his body and made its escape to the drain. His reasoning? Well, he couldn't disinfect the book but he could disinfect himself. That was fine, right? Of course. He needed the most disinfecting anyway. He rubbed the soap on his arm, his legs, his other arm, every inch of his body. He stared at his scars, the hair building, and thought only one thing, "Should I shave?" 

Hair didn't fit into his aesthetic. He liked silky smooth. Hair was a blemish. His scars were blemishes. He wanted them erased. But, no matter how many times he tried to rid himself of his skin...it always came back. He'd given up. 

"I should shave," Izuku frowned. He didn't have any razors. They weren't allowed to be given to him. Even if he swore on his own grave that he would never turn into Deku...they couldn't give him something so dangerous as blades. Deku had a habit of turning everything into a weapon. 

Izuku hugged himself in the shower. He dropped the soap and simply hugged himself. He longed to be held in someone's arms. He missed falling asleep in his mother's embrace. She would play with his hair and tell him how spoiled he was. He missed her. Izuku closed his eyes, stifling tears, and shook silently. 

"You're a real wuss, you know?" a voice spoke. His own voice? He opened his eyes and stared at his reflection in the wall of the shower. What? Who was this? Why was he talking?

"Hi, Izuku, I'm your worst nightmare," the reflection waved. Deku?! Deku had never revealed himself to Izuku before! Why was he doing it now? Izuku didn't like it. He didn't like knowing that everything he'd been denying was true. Deku was real? Why was Deku real? Why did he have to be born? His hands weren't clean. His hands weren't clean of blood after all. 

"What do you want?" Izuku barely got the words out of his mouth. His voice simply a whisper. 

"You were tired of being alone, weren't you?" Deku laughed. Izuku didn't like his laugh. That laugh made him feel insignificant. He didn't like feeling worthless. 

"I don't want your company!" Izuku brought his hands to his head. He ruffled and ruffled and ruffled his hair. It wasn't a very nice ruffle. His hair was wet. It wasn't easy to ruffle it. 

"Better read the book then, hm?" Deku laughed again. Izuku still didn't like his laugh. 

"The book?" Izuku turned off the shower. He opened the curtain. The book was resting on the counter next to his towel. He just had to read it? Really? And then Deku would leave him alone? Hope, just a smidgen of it, Izuku had to act on this hope of his. 

He dried himself off with the towel as best as he could. Izuku let it hang on his shoulders, to collect the water still falling from his hair, and he picked up the book. He didn't even have to think about it. No thoughts of the germs plagued his mind. No fantasies about how many people must've picked up this book in that store. All he could think about was ridding himself of Deku and the fact that he was touching something that Shouto had touched. Shouto. He smiled. Shouto. 

"It makes you excited, doesn't it? Touching something Dr. Todoroki touched?" Deku's face appeared in the mirror. "Not just a childish excitement either. You're attracted to Dr. Todoroki. Don't deny it," Deku's lips turned upward into a hideous grin. 

"N-No!" Izuku shook his head. He didn't like Shouto like that! He was just really grateful to him. He respected him a lot! As a doctor, as a psychiatrist, as his counselor. 

"Really? You're denying it? So, you'd feel this way about any counselor that crossed your path? That's not true. You know it isn't true, right Izuku?" Deku shook his head, disappointed in Izuku. "You never felt this way about the others."

"You're wrong!" Izuku gripped the book tightly. Deku didn't know what he was talking about! He was just making stuff up because he was evil! That's right. He was evil. He couldn't be trusted. Izuku knew better than anyone that he couldn't trust himself. 

"Then," Deku eyed Izuku up and down from the safety of the mirror. "Why do you feel so hot? Hm?" 

Deku had a point. Izuku hated to admit it. His body felt incredibly hot thinking about Shouto. He could feel the sweat building up on his neck. He was shaking again just thinking about before. Shouto had been on top of him. He'd touched his wrists. They were really close. Izuku's knees were giving out. He didn't like that Deku had a point. 

"You're getting turned on just thinking about him," Deku laughed. 

"No! Not true! It's not true!" Izuku stomped his foot on the ground and closed his eyes. If he closed his eyes maybe Deku would leave. He was wrong. He was really really wrong. Deku didn't know anything! He was just an evil spirit sent to torment him! 

Izuku threw the towel on the ground and sat down on it. He was going to read this book. Deku was going to shut up. His hands shook as he held it. Just keeping it still enough to read was a troublesome task. Izuku frowned. It was a short book. He could do this! He could read this in an hour or so! He just had to focus. 

"Shouto touched this," Izuku's mind wandered. "I want to see Shouto again," Izuku frowned. "So, I'm going to read!" He turned the page, even though it was incredibly difficult.