Sheriff ✔

Chapter 15

I awoke Thursday morning and realized that I was quickly reaching the point where I could not imagine not waking up next to William. His solid frame put off so much heat – it was comforting, even in the late summer warmth, and his presence lulled me back to sleep when my dreams replayed clammy hands around my neck. He was probably so exhausted from waking up with me and comforting me. He was sleeping soundly now, though.

I studied his face in the dim light. I liked the straightness of his nose. It was so different from mine.  His eyelashes were thick and straight, and his stilled eyebrows arched naturally. Men always lucked out! I reached out and ran a hand through his hair. Fast asleep, he didn't stir. I'd always thought blonde hair was a bit lifeless-looking, but  William's hair defied that notion. It was thick and rich. Gold, brown, and even a little red danced in his tresses.

Did this white man truly love me? It certainly looked like it. Did I love this white man? I couldn't help smiling as I asked myself the question. If he was Negro, all bets would be off – we would be halfway down the aisle by now. But even this not being the case, a growing part of me was beginning to believe that maybe our devotion and love – as cliché as it sounded – could truly overcome the significant adversity we'd face as a couple.

I felt sleep tugging deliciously at the back of my eyes. Without protest, I yielded to its embrace.

~~~

The morning went by at a deliciously slow pace. We lounged in bed for most of it, after brushing our teeth, and William's soft pecks were able to distract me for a bit from the looming darkness at the back of my mind. His lips were a soothing balm on my now only slightly-swollen face and very much lacerated heart.

"Do you want to work in the garden today, my love?" he asked me, landing a kiss on the corner of my lips shortly thereafter. I could barely keep my eyes open – I felt drunk on the love he was sprinkling across my face.

I hummed in affirmation. "That means you have to get up, my dear." I hummed again, though remaining comfortably still. He'd probably have to drag me out of this bed, honestly. I was frightened that moving too quickly would jolt me out of my stupor and into the panic that I could feel on my heels.

"Can we garden from bed?"

He laughed against my cheek. "Evalyn Davis, you are something."

I sat up quickly, looking down at his bemused face.

"You called me by your last name."

"I know." His smile only widened as he watched every emotion flit across my face. It wasn't like he hadn't discussed being with me long-term before, but he had now unequivocally indicated marriage.

"You don't know what you're saying," I finally huffed, not knowing what else to say. He laughed and rolled out of bed.

"That may be true 90% of the time, but it is most certainly not this time, Evalyn Davis nee Brown." I'm sure he relished the incredulity that danced across my face. He leaned over to kiss my nose, and then made his way to his room to change.

As I freshened up in the downstairs bathroom, I pondered William's very forward words. What would it be like to be married to him? Death threats, constant fear, and severed relationships. Sounds like a great life. I knew my family would be distrustful, but eventually come around, or so I'd like to think. I was sure, though, that any friends and family that William had would not swallow our relationship so easily. 

But I also imagined what life would be like bound to a man who was so honest and unabashed in his devotion – a man who was so clearly willing to fight together with me against the pain twisting inside of me. I didn't take his sensitive care for me lightly. Not every man with warm feelings towards a woman knows how to express it to her benefit. William certainly knew how to, though. 

With a sigh, I rubbed cocoa butter over myself quickly, hating the feeling of my body underneath my hands. I pinched my skin here and there, feeling a jolt of pain and satisfaction at the action. After playing my little game for a bit, I slipped on my clothes and combed my hair. I glanced in the mirror. Repulsive. Torturing myself no longer, I exited the bathroom.

William was sitting on a barstool, lazily skimming the paper. He looked up and smiled at me. "You're glowing, my love."

I stood next to him, and he sniffed lightly. "You always smell so good. What is it?"

"Cocoa butter, my love." I tried out the pet name as I ran my fingers through his damp hair. I liked it. He did as well.

"Aren't we affectionate today?" William chuckled, leaning into my movements.

"I decided it couldn't hurt," I responded simply.

"Would you like some cereal? Then we can head outside?"

"I'm not hungry. Maybe I'll have something after." Truthfully, I was starving but had no appetite. It had become a hallmark of the few days since "the encounter". I relished my hungry state, in some small way though. It felt nice to have such self-control and discipline. I would not be moved by the rumbling of my stomach.

"Ok. I'll eat quickly." As William set about getting himself breakfast, I went outside into the warmth. There was a mid-sized garden bed, overrun with weeds, along the wall of the house. Lush grass carpeted the rest of the small, fenced-in yard. Though the garden hadn't seen any love recently, William never failed to meticulously mow and fertilize the lawn.

After getting out a pair of gloves for both of us, I set to work weeding. It was wonderfully mind-numbing work. I focused on the satisfying tear of the roots as they left the ground, the sun warming my neck and shoulders, and the insistent chirping of the birds.

Presently, William joined me, silently slipping on the gloves and beginning to pluck the invasive plants. We worked in amiable silence. I continued to flip "Evalyn Davis" around in my mind. It sounded so natural. When I moved down here, I never would have thought that I would be piecing together my name with a white man's.

"Can you imagine doing this day in and day out together?" William asked me quietly, eyes still fixed on his task. I could – so easily, and I was beginning to despise any future that did not look like this. He was my stability in these tumultuous few days, but even before that, he was something to me. Beau sounded almost too frivolous to describe the man who I chastely shared a bed with, who held me close as I wept over what had been stolen from me, and who had so steadily and surely eroded the ramparts of my distrustful and reserved heart.

William slipped off his gloves and took my chin in his hands in the stillness. My mind had one million objections to our union, but my heart and spirit knew the correct answer as I gazed into those gray eyes that were dripping with tenderness.

"I love you, Evalyn. Not just with emotions, but with thought and action. I want to put you before me ten out of ten times. I need you to believe and remember that."

He sealed his words with a soft kiss.

Author's Note

I just want to say that I attempt to write realistically, though not gratuitously, meaning in this context that while I won't shy away from rough topics, I typically won't include potentially triggering details unless I think it is vital to the narrative. Evalyn's struggle after her rape and assault will be woven into the rest of the book – just a heads up if this is something that could be difficult for you. I will always try to handle the subject authentically, seriously, and with the complexity it carries in real life, to the best of my ability.

Thank you all 😊