New Amsterdam's Max Goodwin X OC.

Losing it.

Everyone was rushed off their feet when suddenly an emergency came in and I had to deal with it. My arms strengthened and immediately I took in what the paramedic said until they left. Leaving me and a handful of students waiting for my word on what to do but as I went to talk to the man I met called Vincent the machine went and my eyes blurred for a second, before I jumped onto the bed with him and began compressions whilst the students pushed me to a free space.

His mouth moved and then blood sprang up over me but it was very little. His breathing leveling until I was comfortable and climbed down from next to him. Liquids entered intravenously from the bags and I smiled. Knowing he was good but as I hoped to finish up and change he flat lined and I was baffled by why. Still I went at the compressions until I felt like I was breaking.

"Call it." I admitted absolutely destroyed by what had happened, how he was stable and then suddenly gone. Hoping to understand I read the paper but it spoke nothing of having issues. My mind ran until I changed my scrubs and walked to the roof.

Hours seemed to pass but after only a small check my body clock was out as not even half an hour had been. Barely 20 minutes. That didn't seem to have had an impact but eventually I got closer to the edge of the roof and let my elbows fall onto the ledge for comfort and also reassurance. For help to know that I had to do, what I wanted to do, and had been wanting to do for weeks. There was something that I had been hoping to do from before Max joined.

I had hoped to return down the steps but as I had checked my reflection my cheeks must have been so red. My eyelashes not as long as possible and my green eyes barely able to meet the light of day. My red hair was still curly but it seemed to bounce less as I felt the wind move my scrubs.

"Hey." I jumped a little and turned around. My eyes feeling ready to fill with tears. But, they didn't and I was able to listen to all that Max had to say to me but I was reluctant to listen. I had to though because I had nothing else to say.

"You know, half an hour was all that hospital needed and it is a mess. No one has a coffee or tea. Matthew won't do as he is told. No matter how hard I try to get him to get into bed. Patients are complaining and you seem upset. If it is about this morning. It was not your fault. Vincent was in such a critical state that he was barely with it. Just please, understand that you are not to blame." My hands covered my face as I was forced to relive it.

"I have lost patients before so why should this one matter? Don't be silly." I tried to walk around him but a hand stretched out and I had to stop. He was in a close proximity to me and I stood back folding my arms as a distancing method.

"What is wrong? No one downstairs knows anything about you, no one seems to have a good opinion but as I walked up here I heard some people talk about how you do so much around the hospital. The nurses are big fans." He was serious and I kept my arms firm as a barrier.

"My first day, I was fully trained and everyone else was busy when we got a call. Dr David was in some accident. Turns out he was hit by a truck that no 70 year old man can survive, but he did. As I was the only one available I had to do it. Only, if I did shocks or compressions then he would die. The broken ribs would puncture the lungs or heart. The impulse was bound to kill him as he had a heart attack two days before. It had to be surgery. Anyway, he didn't make it to the surgery. He was gone as soon as but you see Dr David was loved by all and they all think I left him to die. In truth I might have but I didn't know what I could do. He was bleeding out and was so ill I would have killed him. I had him hooked up to all machines and I had fluids in and out. To be honest I am still surprised that I could list those chemicals so soon after becoming a doctor." Max seemed to listen and at no point did he interrupt.

"You were right to not do them. I see nothing wrong but the team have no clue what happened." I began to walk from where we stood but he caught me by calling for me and I was curious on what he had to say but he said nothing.

"This isn't a therapy session. Just let me do my job and I will leave you to do your job." I had managed to walk through the door and walk to my floor. The list of to do was full but Bloom did thank me and my ears heard Sharpe comment on what I was up to. In a positive way as well.

Patients walked in and out of the building all the while I searched out a disgruntled Matthew to help as he did everything he was told not to do. Not that he knew how to be obedient but I had a weakness for him and his antics. The months he spent getting to a worse state made me feel for him. Despite all of the alarms because of his ill health.

"Matthew, the day you stay in bed is the day I die from surprise. Now, how about a deal? If you stay in bed all day today then tomorrow I will visit you as soon as I get here. And we can still go for our walk in the afternoon." He seemed to really give it a long old thought and then agree as he took my arm and we walked to his room again.

"You are too good to me. Don't tell anyone I said that or I might lose you. Right Doctor?" I shook my head at his formalities until I spotted movement behind me and then I turned around and rolled my eyes.

"You know, I think that you should tell me what you meant when you said that doctors fit into categories because I don't know which one you are." I wrote on the paper and began to walk out. My trainers hitting silently against the floor as I waved the boys off to get on with my duties.

"Waters. A word." I looked around for the cause of the noise when Sharpe was seen and I walked up to her. Black eyes staring me down but her lively and freeing countenance set me into a calm state as she was waiting for me.

"Hey, I uh. Think I owe you an apology. Max told me what really happened with Dr David. You know, it is a tough thing to happen, especially on your first day and I am sorry." I waved it off and smiled as she was so free to admit what had happened. Without any evident signs of embarrassment at all.

"You know, I think that Goodwin and myself shall be having a rocky relationship. I will either have to have a word with him or just ignore him. Either way I am not going to let him spill all my secrets." Both of us seemed to have parted with much better beliefs in eachother and also ourselves. She seemed more relaxed but as she was walking off her voice rang out again.

"A few of us are off for a drink after work in about five hours. If you want to you can come." I shook my head but it was hesitant.

"I don't drink sorry." Her eyes widened as some sort of acknowledgement and then off she walked with a bounce to her step but I headed off to see the ward of small babies. All looking ready to go home aside from a few ailments.

One stood out the most and I picked him up as he was busy throwing cries and his limbs. Trying to get his point across of anger and discomfort but his face turned a red and I held him close to me as he was at his usual work of being a baby.

"Six months and you know what? You and he see just as much of eachother as ever." Walters walked past with a child that was being secured back into the alien like box. My eyes dusted over the children and my heart leapt.

"Cole has been alive for 6 months and twice I have seen his parents. He has respiratory problems not a hankering for murder. Besides, look at those thighs and his dimples when he smiles. Just scrumptious in my eyes." I began to tickle and a smile followed as well as a few sounds of laughing. Something I never tired of.