Afterwards || Dean Winchester [3]

Chapter 2

"Let me go."

Dean's last words echoed in my mind as I sat staring at the wall.

"Stop it! Stop!"

I couldn't get that night out of my head. I'd been trying so hard to forget it but the devastating memories just kept coming back. Ever since his death, it felt like I had a black hole in the place of my heart. And every time I thought about Dean, it grew wider and deeper and became more and more painful.

"Zara?" I was brought out of my trance when I felt a heavy hand land on my shoulder. Sam was now standing next to me.

"Hm?"

"Are you okay?"

I hesitated for a moment. "Uh...yeah."

"You sure?"

He was beginning to frustrate me now. "Yes! I'm good."

Before he could utter another word, I got up and retreated to the bathroom. The second I got through the door, I slammed it shut and quickly locked it. I couldn't handle all the questions anymore. How was I ever going to get over Dean if everyone was constantly reminding me of him?! Every time I thought of Dean, I felt sick to my stomach. It was horrible and I wanted nothing more than to be able to forget about what happened that night. That night ruined my life. It took everything from me: my sleep, my happiness and I was even afraid it was taking my sanity.

I jumped when I heard a knock at the door, followed by Sam's muffled voice. "Zara? Everything okay in there?"

"Go away Sam."

"Just come out and talk to me."

"No. I told you I was fine. Why can't you just accept that?"

"Because it's not true. Now please come outta there so we can talk."

I didn't respond. Instead, I just chose to remain silent.

"I lost him too," he suddenly said.

It was then that I decided to finally show my face. I slowly opened the door and was met with Sam's sympathetic smile. We sat down at the table and yet again, he was asking me if I was alright.

"I'm okay," I said softly. "It's just...I can't move on whilst you're all reminding me of what happened."

"But you go and see him everyday."

"Yeah, I know. But that only reminds me that he's dead...not how he died."

"Okay, I get it. But if you ever need to talk or get anything off your chest, I'm here, okay?"

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

He looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well it's my fault he's dead. If it weren't for me, he would've never made that deal."

He just laughed. "You didn't die on purpose."

"Yeah but-"

"But nothing. This was no one's fault."

I smiled. "Thanks."

***

It had been about two weeks and I was finally starting to feel okay again. Sam and Bobby had stopped constantly trying to ask if I was okay. And I was finally starting to allow myself some happiness. We'd even gotten back on the road. Things were starting to look up for me.

We'd arrived at a nearby motel a couple of hours ago so we decided to have a few drinks, to lighten the mood a little.

"You're such a nice guy Sam," I chuckled, gradually leaning closer to him.

"I know. And you're such a nice girl," he said, a smile playing at his lips.

We'd really grown close over the past few months.

All of a sudden, the room fell silent and we'd both stopped laughing and joking. I could feel the tension growing between us. Just then, I noticed Sam beginning to lean even closer to me, until I could feel his cool breath on my face. Without thinking, I lunged towards him and pressed my lips against his. He kissed back but when I realised how wrong this was, I pulled away and jumped off the bed.

"What are we doing?!"

"Kissing?" Sam said, a puzzled look on his face.

"What about Dean?"

"Dean's not here."

"Yeah exactly. He's suffering somewhere in Hell whilst I'm here, kissing his brother!"

We were interrupted when I heard a knock at the door. "You expecting someone?"

Sam just shook his head. I picked a gun up and slowly approached the door. It could've been anyone on the other side. However, when I opened the door, I was utterly stunned by who was standing in front of me.

"Dean?"