Shades Of Me

The Girl

how could anyone love her?

the girl whose size was comparable to jupiter

the girl who can't leave her bedroom without being self-conscious

the girl who can never stop eating

the girl who can't seem to be happy

the girl that is never understood

the girl with no real father

the girl that closes her self off in fear of rejection

she finally after years opens herself up, one time

one time, she opens herself up to the possibility of her and you

and you tear away that wall she built in her mind

when she sees you she smiles brighter than the shine of the sun to a blind man's eye

when she sees you her heart beats faster than the speed of a bullet

when she sees you her palms start to sweat like the flow of a river

and when you finally come up to hug her and talk to her

it's like nothing else in the world exists

nothing else matters

she has finally let herself go

she finally found a way to see herself in a new light

this girl is finally beautiful

this girl has curves like a rollercoaster

this girl leaves her room thinking damn i'm fine as hell

this girl eats what she wants and doesn't give a fuck

this girl wakes up and goes to sleep with the biggest smile on her face

this girl is finally understood

this girl doesn't need that father

this girl was open up and ready to receive the world

she would do anything for you

she even buys a special black dress

and takes you to her special spot in the forest

where a tree near a cliff edge overlooks the beautiful land below

and she tells you she loves you

it took her weeks to feel like this

and months to be able to open her self up and let you in

but all it took was one day

one day, her life crashed

she could feel you start to pull away the night before

but she wanted to deny it

eventually, you text her, you say to her that you're done

that you can't deal with it anymore

you can't deal with HER anymore

you tell her that you can't LOVE HER the way she wants

she acts okay and fine

but on the inside, she breaks and shatters like glass

she wants you to stay,

to ask you begging and crying to come back

instead, she rebuilds the wall in her mind

this time stronger

inside she is more broken than she thought possible for any person

she finally thinks she understands

that no one could love her

no one could love the girl that hides her body because of shame

the girl who can't stand to be too close to her brother or father

the girl that doesn't have any real friends

the girl who covers up all the sadness with fake smiles

the girl that buys her clothes as the biggest size in the store

the girl that shows her body to anyone willing to give her fake love

the girl that can't stand to be alone with her thoughts

the girl that sheds red tears from her legs and arms

the girl that closed her self off in fear of rejection

that girl couldn't take it anymore

that girl put on her special black dress,

grabbed her razor,

went to her special spot,

sat down against the tree and put the razor to her skin

she carved into her body as she cried out at the pain

not just the pain this moment but from all the pain in her life

when she was done her arms dropped to her sides

she sits there breathing raggedly tears still falling

soon her breathing slows as she watches the forest below

for once in her life she thinks she understands what peace feels like

and for one last time I think, how could anyone ever love me

when I can't love myself?