Guardians of Light

A Burden Shared

Clarke sat opposite the Jedi on the carpeted floor, attempting to focus on the task but instead her eyes fluttered open, almost without conscious thought, and she continuously found herself staring at the woman seated cross legged barely an arms length away. 

'You're not going to learn anything if you don't focus,' Lexa said softly, remaining in a relaxed state even as she felt the blonde's eyes on her for the fourth time that afternoon. She refused to return the look, unable to hide exactly what the perceptive woman might observe in the depths of her eyes. 

'We've been at this for hours,' the blonde huffed, slumping slightly as she continued to observe the Jedi. How was she meant to concentrate when there were so many questions clouding her mind regarding the Jedi's odd behaviour over the past few weeks. 'Perhaps if you'd just talk to me-'

'Talking will not improve your skills, so close your eyes and pay attention to the world around you.'

Reluctantly, the blonde shut her eyes, though it was more of an appeasing action than anything when she continued her line of questioning. 

'You've been here virtually every day now and I know that somethings wrong. Why can't you just tell me?'

Lexa's calm state of relaxation was quickly disintegrating as flashes of the recurring vision swarmed to the forefront of her mind at the reminder but she was careful to guard her emotions. 

Their training session was making no further progress and so she abandoned the meditation to adopt a standing position, looking down at the inquisitive blonde who had not stopped inquiring about her wellbeing for well over a week now. 

Feeling the faint rush of air against her face Clarke opened her eyes once more and looked up abruptly to find herself the subject of those captivating green eyes that held such overwhelming emotion before the barriers were raised and the Jedi's expression was imperceptible once more, leaving one to wonder if they had imagined such a contrasting state of being. 

Clarke knew well enough by now that in that split second she had witnessed the true vulnerability of the Jedi, the true nature of her current emotion and was invigorated further to discover the root of such conflict.

'Enough already!' she explained in exasperation, rising to her feet to confront the Jedi. 'I can see that something is tearing you apart. I don't even have to see it, I can sense it now and I refuse to keep dancing around the subject!'

Lexa had been expecting the outburst for some time now, aware of how stubborn Clarke could be when it came to discovering the truth. What she wasn't prepared for was just how desperate she found herself wanting to tell the woman about the nightmares that plagued her unconscious mind. 

The Jedi turned away, perturbed by the unexpected urge to confide in the woman but had no time to rationalise the idea as Clarke continued to probe for an explanation. 

'Stop shutting me out Lexa! I'm trying to help you, so why can't you just be honest and tell me what-'

'Because it's you!' the Jedi exclaimed, spinning on her heel to face the blonde, both of them surprised at the sudden statement. 'It's you.'

Lexa bit her lip softly, trying to reclaim some composure but found her energy from the argument dissipating now that the truth was revealed. 

Clarke was staring at her with a mix of confusion and silent surprise, a rare occasion in which she was unable to grasp a response to the revelation. 

'What do you mean?' 

Lexa abandoned her previous irritation and retreated to occupy the nearby couch, feeling the weeks worth of tension threatening to overwhelm her. An urge of irritation washed over her, this was not as a Jedi should behave, she was going against some of their most core principles, but found herself unable to deny the emotion.