The Past|Twilight:New Moon|

Chapter 7

Evan
I stroke Bella's hair as she lays on me, crying quietly.
"Bella , lets go get some ice cream and then we could go wherever you wanna go. We could talk about whatever you want , it doesn't matter, we just need to talk . You need to know that even though life is different without Edward, you can live without him. There's more to your life than Edward."

She stops crying and sniffles "What about you, don't you miss Grace, I know I do." I look down when she says that, I haven't heard from Grace since she left. It feels as if she truly never existed.
I sigh sadly but it's not noticeable by Bella.
"I miss her , I really do, but there's nothing I can do to stop what's happening. I don't wanna move on, but I have to do what's healthy and best for me. I suggest you do the same."

Bella scoffs "We shouldn't give up , I think they'll come back one day and you can't tell me different."

"Fine, well, will you at least get out of this house and come with me to get some ice cream" I say looking at her in all seriousness.

Bella nods and gets up , I smile at the slightest bit of progress hopefully we can get through this together. I'm tired of suffering as well, I've never met anyone like her. Grace was one of a kind.

"So , I have a question, just a thought that's been in my mind for the longest." Bella says as we're walking out of the house.

"Well I have an answer, what's your question" I say getting into the car.

"Did you ever want to be a vampire , with Grace?"

"Did you ever want to become a vampire with Edward?" I say back , almost instantly.

"Yes, but not just for him,for me , I feel like I wasn't meant to be human" she says looking at me.

"Bella, if you weren't meant to be human, you wouldn't be, everything happens for a reason. Being a human is your purpose, and I think we should stick to our purposes. Besides, Grace told me that when you're a vampire you're damned". I shake my head

"Well I disagree, and I hope one day you'll change your mind, I would love the idea of living forever with one of my best friends" Bella says glancing at me.

"Who, what best friend, are you talking about Jessica?" I said jokingly

"Definitely not" Bella says giggling after nudging my shoulder.

The thought of living forever with my best friend sounds exciting but miserable in a sense. You can literally do anything, live forever and you also are basically invincible. Life seems useless and boring when there's no limit on certain things.
It's the limits on life that make it worthwhile, it being so precious and delicate. Eventually, this life would have no purpose, if it is lived over and over again. I'd consider it as some eternal purgatory or prison, nothing about immortality seems interesting.

"So, you still want to be an engineer?" Bella says looking at me inquisitively, looking to be curious of what might be going on in my head. I bet she wishes she could read minds like Edward can, it would make things so much easier if she could.

Like Bella, I don't even know if that's my endgame anymore, so much has changed in the course of 7 months.

I still do , very much so want to chase the dream of being an engineer but with the circumstances I now face and that I'm aware of, I'm frightened to even step out on my own. Part of me is afraid to live in this dangerous world , with the constant fear of a predator sucking my blood. The world itself is truly a frightening place.
It was almost like Bella could somehow read or feel the stressful thoughts her harmless question provoked. She looked at me with an unsure expression, it was hard for me to read her.