𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐂 ✧.*༄ p. parker x lokison!reader

i. focus

A/N: First official chapter! Let me just say,,, I'm kinda really excited about this book :)

Word count: 1.3K

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ: 𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑷𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑰 ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:

✧.*༄ I'VE NEVER
FELT MORE ALONE

          Now that Thanos had fulfilled his mission, you returned to the Avengers Facility with Thor and the remains of the team. They were wary of you, but the melancholy of the whole situation seemed to dampen that. Most of them were already aware of your new intent, anyway.

Thor was sitting in a different room than everyone else when Tony and Nebula arrived. He was too deep in thought to pay much attention to it, a sullen expression etched into his face as he pondered his failure. When you stood up to join the others, wanting to contribute to the discussion in some way, Thor grabbed your arm and stopped you short.

"Please," he said. "Stay here with me."

"We should be helping. I need to talk to Banner," you insisted. The truth is, you had already formed a bit of your own plan.

Thor didn't budge. He was probably opposed to you trying anything on your own, which was why you were reluctant to elaborate. "Stay. Please," he solicited again.

Seeing the state he was in, you figured it would be best if you complied. You sat back down and leaned your head against his side. The faces of the dusted people greeted you as they flitted by on the screens, each one peering at you from the other room. You stared back. Even though Loki wasn't among them, you still spoke. "I miss him." Thor nodded in silent agreement.

It was only when Tony suddenly fainted —having taken his arc reactor off out of spite in the heat of an argument— that he decided to join the others. Thor placed himself at a table, out of the way, while he listened in on the resuming chat. A bowl of white bread sat in front of him, and he offered you a roll. You took it absentmindedly, your gaze drifting into nowhere but generally facing the room that Tony had been situated in. It then came to your attention that Banner wasn't the only genius on the team.

"Bruce gave him a sedative. He's gonna be out for the rest of the day," you heard Rhodey explain. Your frown deepened.

As the conversation continued, you swirled your green energy around your fingertips. Everyone talked of their plans to slay Thanos. You felt mildly hypocritical, as before you were urging that you join them, but your focus wasn't on the Mad Titan like theirs was. Your mind was elsewhere.

The only part of the exchange that you saw was your uncle standing up, walking over to Carol, and holding out his hand. The Stormbreaker whizzed past her head, inches from it, into Thor's grasp. She didn't flinch. Her eyes narrowed and a smirk pulled at her lips.

Thor nodded, finally showing interest in the matters at hand. "I like this one."

"Let's go get this son of a bitch," Steve declared. The deliberation ended and the job was decided.

Noticing that you had finally listened in, Thor offered you a hand expectantly. You took it and stood up from the table, but, with a sigh, you told him that you didn't want to follow him and the rest.

"Why not, Dear (Y/N)?"

"I don't want to see him again," you said. It was true, of course, but not the main reason. You knew he would sympathize with that one much more than the central one. "I couldn't bear it."

"I understand. Stay out of trouble," Thor replied, patting your shoulder as he walked away with the others. "I mean it."

You almost scoffed at his statement. Had you not changed? You settled with an "I will" to appease him anyway.

The emptied room held a different air. Lonely, wistful, since it was only you that occupied it. You didn't dwell on it for too long. Approaching Pepper, who was at Tony's bedside, was a bit of a hesitant thing for you to do, though. You weren't quite sure what her opinion of you was. As you headed over, you knocked lightly on the wall to alert her of your presence. She looked up, a bit surprised.

"Hi," you greeted nervously. "Would you mind... if I waited with you?"

Pepper gave a small smile. "Uh, sure, not a problem."

"Thank you." You pulled a chair over and sat down, looking from Tony's quiet figure to hers. "If you know me by all I've done before, then... I'm sorry," you said. The apology felt strange upon your lips. "I'm hoping, at least, that I'll be able to recompense my past deeds. And for that, I need Stark's assistance. Hence why I'm here."

"...Well, you're taking that step," Pepper said, nodding after some thought. "It's good that you've decided to change for the better. A hard thing to do, especially since... mischief was all you've grown up knowing."

With a deep breath, you continued. "I'd like to say that it's what my father would have wanted. He had done quite a lot in his time, and he'd changed a great deal, as well. Gradually. But he did try to kill Thanos himself. Prevent all of this madness. He ended up as half the population did, before they had even..." Your sentence was left incomplete, and you instead made a vague gesture in an attempt to explain. Pepper understood anyway.

"Yeah."

"I just want to help them," you whispered. "I wish to bring everyone back. And give him a proper goodbye."

You were absolutely relieved that Pepper found the truth in your words. To converse with her was very reassuring, and you found her similar to your grandmother. They held the same motherly ambiance and comfort.

She was kind enough to lend you a room to spend the night in, but you knew you wouldn't sleep. You didn't need to as often —it was a part of your godly nature— and you'd be too distracted to allow yourself to rest.

You paced around frequently, drowning in your thoughts. Sometime along the way, you began to write down your plans in a notepad that you had conjured. There was an abundance of rewriting done due to the sporadic things that you had transferred from your crowded mind. After many wasted pages, you organized and narrowed everything down to three goals.

1. Enhance magic abilities with a device from Bruce Banner or Tony Stark.
2. Enter the Soul Realm using my magic and said device.
3. Coordinate rescue and revival of the dusted citizens.

(4. Visit Loki.)

Three goals and a side quest.

With your cluttered mind put somewhat at ease now that your plan was set, you started practicing different necromantic spells to pass the time. You'd need the preparation, anyway.

I am to focus on contacting those who were rid of by Thanos, you told yourself consistently. The thought of seeing your father again, though, was just as frequently prodding at your mind.

You tried not to get attached to the idea of it. There was more of a chance that you wouldn't be able to reach him if you were being honest. He had been killed not by the Infinity Stones but by Thanos himself. Personally.

Dwelling on the past was never something that you had wanted to do, either, nor had you been fond of. You were well aware that Loki's death was a normal one, albeit under abnormal circumstances. However, it was all too sudden.

You weren't ready in the slightest.

The four hundred years of your life that you spent with him weren't nearly enough. You recalled the anguish that you had felt upon learning of your Grandma Frigga's death; the sorrow that you had felt upon seeing your Grandfather Odin ascend to Valhalla. Even within your familial bonds, though, what you had with Loki was an indescribable, incomparable relation. You wanted at least a proper departure with him. A final memory.

But, as you sat alone in the pristine, unforgiving room, all you could do was practice...

And wait.