Be There

Maybe I'd get less stressed if I was tested less

"Don’t ask if I’m happy, you know that I’m not

But at best, I can say I’m not sad

‘Cause hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have

Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have"

Her - 

She was running. Running away from everything she had ever known. She used to fantasize about doing this when she was a girl. Something always brought her back though. Missing her parents, her little sister, or fear of her hateful grandfather and his consequences. 

This time she had nothing to pull her back there. Sure, her parents and her sister were still there at the mansion where she grew up, but everything had changed. She wasn’t one of them. The more she thought about it the more it made sense really. How her grandfather treated her wasn’t acceptable, but she finally understood it. It was because she wasn’t a Şadoglu.

She had overheard Azat talking to her father, to Hazar. Tensions were high in the mansion after Azize Aslanbey seized their property and gave them a week to leave the mansion. At first she thought it was yet another pair of family members bickering, but when she got closer she realized it was far more serious. She pressed herself against the stone of the wall just out of sight of them and listened in even though she knew she shouldn’t. She had heard her name, so surely it was alright if she listened, besides, she was tired of the men in her family deciding her fate for her. She was expecting more of the same talk from them, but then she heard the words orphan and pregnant widow in conjunction with her and her mother’s names. She shook her head to clear it, and listened harder. Then her father confirmed it and her heart shattered for what felt like the millionth time. 

Her family, well the Şadoglu’s, had proven to be unsympathetic in her times of need, so she didn’t hesitate in fleeing. She slipped to her room, holding her tears at bay the whole way, and grabbed only one thing before disappearing to the stable. Mavi the horse was the only possession of theirs she wanted to take with her. Sometimes it felt like he was the only living thing in that god forsaken house that truly loved her. 

There is another who truly loves you.

She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment to drown out the invasive thoughts, then saddled Mavi and led him out of the stable and on to the side street. 

Normally riding away from the mansion at a gallop made her feel free and happy. But she felt trapped in the moment when she learned her parents lied to her her whole life, it played on an endless loop in her mind. She let her tears fall, streaming down her face, drying in the wind that whipped her hair behind her in a dark ribbon. 

It would be a lie to say she didn’t mean to come here, but her frantic riding had felt aimless until she arrived. She let her breathing slow as Mavi trotted closer to the hut. She let him wander around to the back of the building before she dismounted. She hadn’t been here since Miran brought her here to show her what he had built for her, for them. Since she never looked at the back of the hut she didn’t know that he had also installed a post where she could tether her horse. Mavi must have smelled the oats stored in a specially built wooden box near the post because he went right over to it without hesitation. 

He thought of everything. 

He really does know you, huh?

She cracked a small smile in spite of her circumstances, and her tears ran down into the corners of her mouth. He knew she would come here, but he couldn’t have known why. Afterall, he had given her the key that day he brought her here. When he said that it was the only key, she trusted him. Just like when she said no to his proposal but told him that she wouldn’t give up on them, he trusted her. He kept his word and took her back home after that. 

He hadn’t tried to put himself in her path since that day, but he still kept in touch. Maybe he really was changing, learning from his mistakes. He wasn’t trying to control or possess her, but he wouldn’t give up, he wouldn’t let her forget how he felt about her. He texted her everyday, and she responded, short simple phrases at first, but longer more nuanced conversations flowed between them in the past two days. She forgot her phone back at the mansion and she cursed herself a little as she tied up Mavi and pulled the key out of it’s safe place hanging around her neck on a chain. It was just as well that her family couldn’t contact her though. She ran away for a reason.

She thought about how her family would be kicked out of the mansion that had been theirs for decades as she opened the door of her brand new cabin. They were all to be out by tomorrow morning or Azize would send her men to forcibly kick them out. She hoped that the drama would distract everyone from her disappearance, but she knew that come morning (or even before that) they would definitely know she was gone. 

She closed the door and walked around to the side of the bed closest to the sink and dresser. She sat down gingerly and stared at the spot where her wedding dress once hung. Miran probably took it out and put it in a safe place, away from the elements, but she sort of wished it was here to look at. Oddly it gave her good feelings. It was a symbol of a time when it was just them, when her love for him was true and pure, but it was also a symbol of all that was broken between them and how he mended it instead of throwing it away. It was a symbol of his love for her, just as this cabin was. 

She lay down on her side still facing the wall, her head cushioned on the soft white pillow. He hadn’t told her he loved her. Not the exact words anyway. 

If you fall I will catch you. I will hold you tightly.

If I can’t catch you I will jump right behind you.

I want for you to live.

I can’t bear to see you in pain.

There is no other place for me than here.

If there is no you, then there is no me.

I did it for you, only you.

If anything happens to you, I will die.

I did the impossible for you.

There is nothing Miran would not do for Reyyan.

If you let me, I can rewrite this story from scratch. 

He had said everything, done nearly everything but what she wanted most. Normally she tried to forget about how badly he hurt her and how much she wanted to hear an apology from him. But today there was a bigger hurt in her heart, and this one hadn’t even begun to heal. It wouldn’t for quite some time.

She couldn’t help but think of how, had she and everyone else know that she wasn’t a Şadoglu, she wouldn’t have been subjected to the Aslanbey’s terrible revenge. If her parents had just been honest with her from the start none of this would have happened. She wouldn’t have felt so obligated to stay in that damned house with people that treated her like dirt her whole life. And the worst part was that it seemed the others knew, at least Azat did, and still they kept it from her. 

She screamed and sobbed and wept into her pillow until the sun set and all of her anger and sadness was drained. Her eyelids drooped and her heart slowed until she drifted off into a restless sleep.

NOTES:
I have several more chapters planned in my head and the story is really flowing for me, so if you like it be sure to comment and motivate me further.