Be There

'Cause I can't be without you

“You've got me surrounded
It feels like I'm drowning and I don't want to come up for air
I lost everything, I threw myself in and you took me where no one was there
Well you can take what you need, take the air that I breathe and I'll give away all that I own
Whatever I lose, is put back by you in a way that you'll never know”

He woke up in a panic. In the handful of times he slept next to her the only time she didn’t get up before he did was the morning he left her. But even his violent shudder and racing heartbeat couldn’t wake sleeping beauty. Her curls seemed messier even though she was still nestled into his chest where she fell asleep. Her skin glowed from it’s natural oils and restful sleep. He’d never seen a more beautiful sight. 

He couldn’t help but be reminded of their night in Urfa, and how beautiful she looked in the morning light. It was scarcely two weeks since then, but so much had changed. The one thing that remained constant was his willingness to die right here, right next to her, with her sleeping beside him. He much preferred to think of them dying of old age, passing away in their sleep in each other’s arms. But if he was being realistic they would die much younger, he would at least, a casualty in the war between their families. 

Morbid thoughts scattered and were replaced with more pleasant ones when he felt her stir and heard her soft sounds of waking. He absolutely could not control his body’s response to her, and he would be more embarrassed if she hadn’t already witnessed it. Selfish opportunistic Miran resurfaced since the previous night’s dramatic but ultimately favorable events. This Miran wasn’t ashamed of what her body did to his, but was hopeful that she had a similar response. 

If she did, she kept it well hidden. When she woke and found his eyes on her she smiled shyly. He couldn’t help but think about the morning after their wedding, that this was how it should have been. And he suspected she was thinking the same thing, based on the look in her eyes. Now he had a chance to change it, to really start from scratch, rewrite their story from the beginning.

She bit her lip in adorable embarrassment as she pulled away from him to get up. He wanted so badly to tighten his grip around her shoulder and pull her back in to him, but he let her go. This was part of the new Miran, part of starting over with her. He would take things at her pace, give her control, let her decide. He watched her slide out from under the soft white covers and tip toe over to the dresser to choose new clothes for the day. He was still in his rumpled things from the day before, but he didn’t care. If he could just watch her gracefully move about their cabin for the rest of his life he would be a happy man. 

He didn’t want to move from his spot on the bed, for multiple reasons, but when she turned around with an armful of clothes and a sheepish look on her face, he knew that was his cue to step out.  He got out of the opposite side of the bed and stooped to grab his shoes before turning around and casting a glance in her direction. His flirty smirk must have worked on her because a genuine smile bloomed on her face, and she looked down at the floor in a demure way. He smiled his genuine smile as he looked at her for one second more before turning and heading out the door. He shut it firmly behind him and sat on the bench to tie his shoes. 

A few minutes later she stepped out onto the porch and took his breath away. She had washed her face and tied her hair back so it was half up and half down. The floral print of the indigo colored dress she wore suited her wavy hair and warm brown eyes perfectly. She looked younger, or freer maybe. Her eyes sparkled when she looked down at him, wrinkled shirt and all, and he thought not for the first time that day, that he was maybe the luckiest man in the world. 

“Where to Reyyan Hanim?”

She sat down next to him on the bench instead of answering.

“Or not. We don’t have to go anywhere. I mean, YOU don’t have to go anywhere-”

“I’ve been thinking.”

He stared at her and felt the heat from her hand placed on his burn his skin in a pleasant way.

“If we’re going to stay here, we’ll need some things. And I’d kind of like to pick them out?”

“You don’t have to ask. I’ll take you wherever you want to go. Buy whatever you’d like.” 

He knew he was being over eager and she giggled a little at him for it, but his wish was coming true before his eyes. 

“I only want to get some basic foods, maybe some more tea, bottles of water…”

“Yes of course. Anything.”

He captured her hand in his and stood to lead her to his car. 

Walking around the bazaar hand in hand with her felt so natural, like the past few months had never happened, like he had never gone through with the revenge and they were just  newlyweds doing their weekly shop. He didn’t take it for granted though. The novelty of her willingly holding his hand, looking at him so beautifully again, would never wear off. Every time she handed him a new bag to carry or asked him about his food preferences he promised himself to do everything in his power to keep her this happy always. 

“I think I will make white bean stew tonight. Wait, do I have everything?” 

She paused to peak in a few of the bags he was carrying, and he couldn’t help but smile down at her affectionately.

She wants me.

She’s going to cook for me, and stay in the same house with me. In the same bed with me...

His pleasant thoughts were disrupted by a commotion in the square. She didn’t stop her search but he lifted his head to look, on alert for any danger. He overheard the whispers of the townspeople around them. He heard his surname, and hers, words like marriage and enmity , then concerned gasps, followed by silence. 

By the time he saw what the whispers were about it was too late.