°you shouldn't have come along°

▪︎part fourty seven▪︎

"You what?" Allison gasped. "I know it was wrong and I really wish I had more time to decide but it was a split second to save that girl's life and I did what I thought was effective." Y/n said, becoming choked up as she tried to keep her sobs at bay. Allison stared amazed at the boy below her, his messy hair and calm face seeming like nothing out of the ordinary. It seemed unreal. She remembered when Y/n had called her crying, ranting on about how guilty she felt for drunkenly kissing a boy at her college. That was when Five was still gone and she still felt guilty for it even though she had every right to move on. This couldn't be the same girl. What was so special about this boy? He had to be magic or something to make her commit such a deed.

"But why kiss him?" Allison asked. There had to be other possibilities, something she could've done. Y/n's shoulders dropped as she relived that moment in her head. She went through all the factors again. The way Gray held the gun, the attack points available, the distance. The whole situation was unpropitious. "I thought about hitting him. I thought maybe if I hit him hard enough, he would drop the gun. But logically my strength wouldn't amount to much against his height and weight, especially with the attack points that I had. I wouldn't have been able to even stun him long enough to take the gun. I had tried talking him down, but he was set on killing that girl. His mental state was a wreck and I knew the only way to get him to stop was to take advantage of one of his weaknesses. And I knew I was one of them. I wish I would've had more time to think but I wasn't going to let that girl die, Allison. I couldn't. It wasn't the best choice but I never make the right choice in these situations. I always get hurt or hurt the ones around me." Y/n explained, voice breaking. She finally began to cry, the frustration at herself and guilt becoming too much.

Allison stared at Y/n as she broke herself apart. At this point she didn't think there was anything she could do to fix her. There was only one person who could do that. But she did have one question and the answer to this question would decide whether or not Y/n deserved the help he would have to provide.

"Do you love him?" Allison asked. Y/n's cries quieted as she gazed up at Allison in confusion. "What?" Allison gestured to Gray before them, "Do you love him?" She repeated. Y/n looked down at Grayson, being reminded of all the feelings that constantly clouded her mind and judgement when she was with him. They all seemed overwhelming and sudden making her often times scared. It felt like a trap and she was angry at herself for falling into it. What she felt wasn't real. It never was. She did care for him. He was a great person who was just as damaged as she was and needed help, help that she may be able to supply. But she could never love him the way she loved Five. They had been through so much together and had almost lost each other multiple times. But they always found each other. She could never have that with anyone else, nor would she want to.

"No." She answered. She turned to Allison, shaking her head with a deep honesty in her eyes. "Do you love Five?" Allison asked knowing the answer. "More than life itself." Y/n smiled softly. She loved everything about him, from his best traits to his worst flaws. She loved the way he smirked after giving a sarcastic comeback. She loved the way he thought so logically and carefully before making his next move. She loved the way he put his family first even if he acted so cold to them. She loved the way he loved her.

She knew it sounded a little vain but it was true. She loved that fact that he loved her no matter what. That he loved her even though there were millions of reasons not to. Loved her even though everything in time and space tried to pull them apart. That he loved her so much that he would do anything for her without question.

It wasn't only the way he loved her but also the person she became with him. They both grew together in a world that either idolized them or wanted them gone. A world that they were thrown into last minute and one that they quite frankly weren't supposed to be apart of. They were made into heroes by a man that represented the opposite of that and were never treated as anything other than experiments by him. Y/n never really felt like a hero, not because of her father anyway. Five was the one that truly made her feel like the hero she had been expected to become. He was the reason she was who she was today.