Be More Chill - Expensive Headphones Oneshots

Bitter Emotions

Michael's POV

        I say, You're shaking.  His pulls his hands out of mine.  He says, I'm fine, just cold.  I look at him with concern.  He flashes me a charming smile.  Rich is good at hiding stuff.  I ask, Is it withdraw again?  Rich's eyes flicker down.  Rich used to use drugs.  A lot of drugs.  Like, I smoke weed.  But Rich used to snort coke almost every weekend.  We got him in therapy.  My moms helped pay.  His dad never knew.  I've always had the feeling he still uses sometimes.  But I hope not.  Rich quickly says, No, I told you I'm cold.  I say, Ok, I believe you.  I don't know if I do though.  I want to believe him.  I want to.  But I don't know if I can.  I see a hint of something he's not telling me behind his charming smile.
        I ask, Are you sure you'll be okay if I go?  Rich nods.  He says, Yeah I'll be fine, you'd better go before my dad gets home.  I hesitate then get up.  Before I walk through the door I turn around.  I say, I love you.  Rich just looks at me.  His eyes say everything.  He's not angry.  He just looks scared.  Maybe a little confused.  Rich stutters, I, uh.  Before he finishes his sentence I leave and close the door behind me.
I shove my keys into my pt cruiser and drive away.  I'm not upset with Rich.  Maybe a little disappointed.  But I understand.

Rich's POV
        I'm such a fucking idiot.  I can never do anything right.  Michael said I love you! Why couldn't I even say anything.  I just stuttered like a fucking idiot.  I collapse onto my bed and put my head in my hands.  I just want to do something right.  Just for once.  I just sit in silence for a while.  I don't lift my head.  Eventually I hear my dad come home.  I hear him open the fridge.  I know he's taking out a beer.  He always does. I don't leave my room.  Dad gets violent when he's drunk.  And he's pretty much always drunk.  I hear him turn on the tv.  That's good because it means he's distracted.  And if he's distracted it means he won't bother me.  I can't deal with him right now.  I just can't.
        I wait till it gets dark.  Then I sneak downstairs.  Luckily dad is asleep on the couch.  I turn off the tv and throw away the numerous empty beer bottles scattered around the living room.  I grab dad's keys and quietly open the front door.  Slowly, I close the door behind me.  Then I start the truck as fast as I can and leave. 
I check my phone for the address Jake sent me.  It isn't far.  I do this a lot.  Go partying.  Michael doesn't know.  He doesn't have to know, it isn't his business.  He doesn't like parties anyways.  I get to the house.  I can tell it's the right one on account of the many cars parked on the curb.  And the faint sound of music coming from inside.  I park the truck and hide the keys under the hood.  I never keep my keys on me.  Sometimes I get too drunk and my dad would kill me if I lost them.  I knock on the front door.  A girl opens it slightly.  When she sees me she opens it all the way to let me in.  I kind of recognize her from other parties.  I don't know her name.  Actually, I might've hooked up with her before.  I don't really remember much from parties.  But that's the point I guess, to forget.
         I snake my way through the crowd and over to the drink table.  There's a stack of red solo cups and a bowl of punch.  I grab a cup and head towards the kitchen.  The punch at parties isn't strong enough.  Usually there's barely any alcohol in it cause people are cheap.  The kitchen is fairly empty.  The only people there are one guy who looks like he should be a junior in college, a girl whose makeup is severely smeared, and another who is shuffling though the cabinets probably in search of food.  I open the fridge and grab a bottle of vodka.  People almost always have alcohol on hand, they just don't share it.  I've learned this with experience.  I pour myself a generous cup of vodka and put the bottle back.  I chug the drink quickly.  I pour myself another cup.  I don't chug this time.  Instead, I take small sips and look around to see if I can find jake.  There's a lot of hot chicks here.  That's another thing. I forget about Michael at parties.  It's not like I don't care about him, I just forget.  Eventually I find Jake.  He's making out with a stranger on the couch.  I guess he goes to far cause she slaps him and storms away.  I laugh.  I say, Way to go Jakey D.  Jake rolls his eyes.  He says, Jesus Christ, are you drunk already?  I shrug.  Jake doesn't get up from his spot on the couch.  I stay standing.  We talk for a while.  Of course, I don't mention Michael at all.  Jake doesn't know I'm bi.  No one except Michael does.  And it needs to stay that way.  After a while of small talk Jake asks, You wanna see something?  I say, Sure. 
        Jake leads me down a hall and into what appears to be a bathroom.  The bathroom is more crowded than the kitchen.  There are people shouting and cheering and laughing.  When I look I see why.  On the ground there are lines of cocaine that people are taking turns snorting.  Jake looks at me with a grin.  I smile and nod at him.  I push people aside and get down on my knees.  I lean over a line and cover one side of my nose.  Then I snort, fast as hard.  It kind of burns but it feels so good.  Then I do it again and again and again.  I don't know how much I actually take in but it's enough that Jake pulls me away.  One girl kind of grabs my ass and says, Woah you're crazy.  Then, for a second, I feel guilty.  I pull her hand away.  I remember Micheal, how he told me he loves me.  Then I snap back into the moment and forget Michael again.  I feel my brain start to buzz and I get excited.  Then everything is a blur.  But it's also enhanced.  It's like if you were watching a dvd with a lot of scratches but the parts that don't cut out are the best movie ever.  Somehow, I end up back in the living room.  I don't know where Jake is.  The only person I'm aware of is me.
        At one point a girl was grinding up against me.  Then I think I was grinding against someone else.  But then the mood changes dramatically.  I hear a familiar voice say, Rich, Rich what the fuck? Then it hits me. Oh shit.

Michael's POV
I say, Rich what the fuck? He looks at me in confusion.  It's like he doesn't know me.  Then I see a small wave of realization wash over him.  I expect him to be embarrassed or something but he's not.  When he sees me he smiles.  He says, Hey Baby.  I know he's high out of his mind now.  Rich would never out himself.  And I know how drunk he can get.  He would never ever tell anyone about us.  I grab his wrist and try to pull him away from the crowd.  He pulls away and says, You need something to drink.  So many emotions flood through me.  Anger.  Sadness.  Confusion.  Pain.  Disbelief.  I don't know what to do.  I feel tears start to form in my eyes but choke them down.  I say, Rich stop, this isn't you.  My words pass right thought him.  He doesn't hear a word I say.  His eyes are blank.  In a fit of frustration I grab his wrist and force him to follow me.  His skin turns red around my white knuckles.  Rich says, Ouch babe, stop.  I don't even look at him.  I open the front door, shove Rich, and slam it behind me.  Rich stumbles forward and looks behind his shoulder at me in anger.  He says, What the hell baby, I wanna party.  Now I start yelling.  I say, Shut up Rich, just shut the fuck up!  Rich's eyes register shock.  I've never yelled at him before.  He opens his mouth to speak but I stop him.  I say, You told me you stopped this shit!  Rich scowls at me.  He says, It's not your business.  I say, I'm your fucking boyfriend, it is my business.  Rich just says, I don't care.  For some reason that statement knocks the wind out of me.  Maybe it's because for a second, I believe him.  Maybe it's not the drugs talking.  Maybe he really doesn't care.  I try to speak but I only choke.  I feel tears start to stream down my face.  I say, I know Rich, I know you don't care but guess what, I do!  Rich breaks eye contact and looks at the ground.  I say, You may not care but you don't know what it's like to get a call at one in the morning and thinking your boyfriend might've overdosed.  Rich takes a step towards me.  His eyes are sad now.  He says, Michael. But I stop him.  I say, You don't know what it's like to have to drive while sobbing your eyes out because the only thing you can imagine is the one person you truly love dead on the floor with a needle in their arm!  I say, You may not care Rich but I do, and I'm not going to stop caring, it doesn't matter how many times you lie or how many times you terrify me, I cannot stop loving you! By now my words are mostly sobs.  I don't have any more strength.  I give up.  I fall to my knees and just sob.
         I expect Rich to walk past me and go back into the party.  But then I feel a hand on mine.  I look up and Rich is on his knees in front of me.  There are tears streaming down his cheeks.  He says, Michael, I'm so sorry.  His voice cracks and he starts sobbing into his hands.  I pull his hands away from his face and hold them.  We cry on the ground together for a while.  Eventually, both of us stop.  Not because we're not sad anymore.  Just because we've cried all of the tears we possibly could.  We sit in silence for a long time.  Rich is the first to break it.  He says, Michael.  I say, hmm? He pauses and looks away before making eye contact.  Rich says, I love you.