Disdain, Agony, Hope, and Love #Wattys2020

Chapter 46

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The second day passed in much the same way as the first, though there were no visitors. Darcy was grateful for this, he needed privacy to sort out his thoughts and feelings.

He kept thinking of Colonel Fitzwilliam and Elizabeth. The more he thought about it, the more likely it seemed to him that Elizabeth had a great affection for his cousin.

But troubled as he was, he was not blind to the behaviour of his friend. Bingley seemed increasingly uncomfortable. Sometimes he would begin to say something to Darcy, then suddenly break off. Finally, in evening of the second day, Darcy confronted Bingley over it.

"What is it you keep wanting to talk to me about, Bingley?"

Bingley blushed a little then said, "It's nothing of importance."

Darcy was not one to give up easily and pressed his friend further.

Bingley did not look at him as he spoke. "I was wondering, would you like to visit the Bennets tomorrow?" At Darcy's expression, he hurriedly added, "We do not have to go so soon, we could wait for a few more days."

Darcy closed his eyes. Did he want to see Elizabeth? He did not know where they stood with each other. He loved her, but what did she feel for him? Friendship at the most, while perhaps her heart belonged to another.

But he did not have to go for her. He had to see if Jane still loved his friend.

"Do you want to see Jane Bennet?" he replied simply.

Bingley looked up. Darcy smiled at him.

Bingley looked down at the floor. "To tell the truth - yes." He sighed. "I still think of her, I suppose I still harbor affection for her. I know that you told me that she is indifferent to me, but I still cannot stop myself from wanting to see Jane again."

"Perhaps I was wrong." His friend stared at him. Darcy continued, "What if my observations of Miss Bennet were incorrect? As much as your sister believes the contrary, I am far from perfect." He smiled at his statement.

"But, but - " stammered Bingley.

"Bingley, I am not always right in my judgements," he continued. "I can even be wrong about my own feelings. Remember how I once said Elizabeth Bennet wasn't handsome enough to tempt me? Look at how wrong I was about that."

His friend thought about this for a while. "Yes, you have seemed to have altered your opinion on that. I didn't know you had admitted it to yourself."

Darcy looked away. "I have known for a long time," he said softly.

"So you believe that Jane returns my affections?" said Bingley earnestly. "You think that her connections and family are not so bad as you once thought?"

"They are no longer important, if you love her."

Bingley sat back in his chair, looking away.

"So I have your approval?"

"It is your decision," chastised Darcy. "All I will say that if you intend to court her, then I shall not protest."

Bingley thought, then said determinedly, "Right, then we shall visit Longbourn tomorrow."

Darcy smiled, partly sharing Bingley's happiness, partly to hide his own uneasiness.

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He lay awake in his bed that night, wondering what to do during their visit, how to behave. He would not be comfortable, not with Elizabeth there, knowing that she would never be his.

Unable to sleep, he got out of bed and looked out the window, across the field, his mind three miles away.

If all goes well, Bingley's happiness is but days from being fulfilled. How could I have been so proud as to think Jane wrong for Bingley? There is no one who can make him as happy as she can.

He sighed. And Elizabeth? There is no one who can complete my life except her. But if her heart does not lie with me, then I will not force it. Her happiness is all I desire.

Darcy turned back to his bed. Tomorrow, he would see Elizabeth and he would do his best not to let his emotions overcome his good sense. He would merely watch Jane Bennet for any signs of regard for his friend, and then confess all to Bingley.

Perhaps he should go to London for a while. Bingley would want privacy to court Jane, and Darcy did not know if he wanted to be in Bingley's company after telling him of his deceit.

Decision made, he slept. His slumber was uneasy though, as all he dreamt of was that evening in Rosings, when he, an outsider, watched as Elizabeth had played the piano, his cousin Richard Fitzwilliam by her side.