Disdain, Agony, Hope, and Love #Wattys2020

Chapter 59

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The day was crisp and cold, despite the sun shining down brightly. The autumn had turned the leaves russet and gold, and soon it would be winter. Another winter, another Christmas, another year gone, another year to come.

But perhaps this year would see a chapter of Darcy's life closed, and the beginning of another.

Perhaps.

He told himself not to hope too much. But it was difficult. Never before had the glittering dream he had cherished for so many months - nay, nearly a year - seemed so close to reality.

Darcy thought back to the first time he had traveled down this road, nearly twelve months ago, looking over Netherfield with Bingley. He had known that something was missing from his life, but knew not what it was.

He knew now. The empty part in him he had never realised before was loneliness - and the one who filled that emptiness was Elizabeth.

And, perhaps at the end of this journey, he would be completed.

Netherfield was visible through the trees now. Beyond, was Longbourn. He could not see it, but he could imagine it in his mind.

What was Elizabeth doing now? Was she with her sisters or by herself? Was she inside, perhaps singing or reading, or outside enjoying the late autumn afternoon?

Was she thinking of him?

Darcy smiled. Only a day ago he would have dismissed the thought as fanciful, but now . . .

Well. Best dwell on that later.

There was no one to greet his arrival, save the servants. Bingley was at Longbourn, in the company of his dear Jane and was unlikely to return until after dinner.

Darcy was grateful for this period of solitude before seeing his friend again. He had much to think about, and after partaking of his own meal, he went to the rather neglected library and sat down in the chair near to the burning fire.

He did not need to fear Bingley's resentment lasting from his confession ten days ago. His friend was of a most forgiving nature and for that Darcy was grateful. He idly wondered if Bingley had yet written to his sisters about his engagement - and, if he had, what were their reactions to the news?

He thought back to his Aunt Catherine's enlightening words that had given him this feeling of hope. She had been emphatically set in the opinion that duty and desire could not be united. However, Darcy thought otherwise.

Darcy did not really care what his aunt thought, if . . . when . . . if he became engaged to Elizabeth. He loved her and that was enough. Marriage wasn't a game of profit and loss, but having thought about it, there were some aspects he had considered.

On a social level, yes, perhaps a marriage between him and Elizabeth might be frowned upon by some. There were many tales of people who were unable to marry the object of their affections because of the simple, yet almost holy laws of social class barriers. But Darcy knew that by marrying Elizabeth he was fulfilling the duty he owed to his family, by taking a wife of honorable family who would win the respect, admiration and even affection of all his family and acquaintances.

It wasn't only that, either. For so long he had been more concerned with the welfare of others, of his estate he hadn't realised just how much joy in life he had missed out. Yes, he had friends and family but he had very few real, close, emotional attachments. He was very closed up emotionally, and though that had diminished somewhat lately, there was still much he had to learn about enjoying life itself.

Elizabeth had such an emotional openness she had drawn him against his will. She was not afraid to declare her feelings for anyone - whether it be a fondness for Mr. Wickham or a hatred of himself, she hadn't been at all hesitant in making her feelings known. And when they did change, she was not ashamed to admit her mistakes either.

That is what he needed to learn, and Elizabeth was the one he wanted to learn it from.

His train of thought was broken by the entrance of Bingley.

"Darcy?" he heard his friend say.

"Yes, Bingley, I am here," replied Darcy, arising from his chair and shaking his friend's hand. "Congratulations, Bingley, on your engagement." He sat back down.

Bingley followed suit and smiled broadly. "Thank you, my friend. I could not be happier. Jane loves me as I do her and I must thank you for making that knowledge known to me."

"Even after I nearly destroyed your hopes?"

"Come now, man, surely you do not believe I am angry with you? You were mistaken and you have more than atoned for it. My sisters have also written to me, in reply to the missive I sent them with the news of my engagement."

"And what did they say?"

"What one would expect - they express their happiness on their sister-to-be but very little on their part in the deceit. I do not think they have to courage to confess to it."

Darcy shook his head. "I think that they are regretting it and do feel guilt. Perhaps they will confess to you, someday, and apologise. For now, I think they fear your reaction, as I did."

"They have good reason to. You, at least, were mistaken whereas Caroline and Louisa went out of their way to hurt her. Jane told me she had been under the impression that I was to marry your sister, a fact she was told by Caroline."

"I am sure they will respect Miss Bennet in the future."

"They will. I will not tolerate any sort of disrespect on their part."

The two men sat in silence for some moments as the fire began to die down.

"Are - are you to go to Longbourn again tomorrow?" asked Darcy as casually as possible.

"Yes, I am."

"Would I be able to accompany you to visit?"

Darcy glanced at Bingley to see if his friend had hazarded a guess as to his motives to joining Bingley on his daily visit. Bingley however was to happy to think about Darcy's desire for coming with him, engrossed, no doubt, in his memories of Jane.

"Of course!"

Darcy sighed with relief, then took several deep breaths to soothe his rapidly beating heart.

Tomorrow he would see Elizabeth.