please help

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I don't know how to decide.... It hurts to lose my aunt but it hurts more to lose my dad's trust....

I know my dad will love me no matter what, but betraying him and disappointing him hurts so much more than him just hating me...

And my mom tried to settle things and help my dad see my side but she's trying to help me see his side and I do but...

God, it hurts the more I think about it...

Not to mention this all started at the fucking funeral I was at this morning

I... I just don't know what to do

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