Beyond Return

Bloodlust

I cannot describe what happened yesterday. They made me do terrible things to that poor, innocent girl. I had no control over what I was doing, the only thing I could do was watch this person suffer. I felt mute. My mind was filled with white noise. The only thing my mind could process was guilt. I thought about the life of that poor girl. I think her name was Emily. That's what I heard Damien say anyways.

   For some reason, a little whisper in the back of my mind said that everything was okay. That little voice seemed to have some sort of bloodlust. ‘What have those people done to me?!?’ I screamed in my head. Even after one night I'm messed up. I started listening to the small, barely audible voices in my head. Their ideas sounded interesting, even fun!

  I was awfully bored, so why not ask Jack or Damien about my thoughts. Damien was in the kitchen, I went to talk with him. For a while we chatted about possible victims of our atrocities. We decided that tonight we could wander the streets for “bad” people. It seemed that alcoholics, drug addicts, and thieves liked to prowl the streets, but unbeknownst to them, they would be the victims tonight.

***

A few days had passed from that night and I keep thinking back to it. We tortured and killed many people that night, and I enjoyed myself.

   While I was in my room, boredom overtook me each and every day. My craving for the shed of blood was satisfied and it was something different compared to a ‘regular’ day.

   Jack and Damien were wandering in and out of the house, barely talking to me, I had time to myself.

  I started thinking about my life. My realization didn't come long after I started contemplating my past, present, and near future. What has my life become? I enjoyed torturing and killing those people, and they deserved it. Wait. No! It's not right! I grabbed my hair in annoyance and anger even though I didn't feel those emotions. I'm psychotic, maniacal, deranged and all other words for insane.