PERFECT IMPERFECTION

3

Throughout the ride back home, I was just hearing nasty remarks such as;

Oh my gosh you've gotten darker,jeez just see fats everywhere, that's what happen when you eat like a pig,

"Can this girl just shut the damn mouth up".

You know what see why don't you just stay calm so I will be able to concentrate on driving, I said.

Oops did I touch a nerve, I guess someone is angry cause we were just saying the truth!!!!, she sneered back at me, emphasising the word "truth".

Who ever named this babe Sewa, something more like "bitch" will suit her best. Rolling my eyes and trying hard to concentrate, I drove through the dusty roads of lagos making a silent plea, that God should just make me pull through all this shit.

On arriving at the entrance of my three bedroom flat apartment, I honked so that the gate man would hear and open the gate.

Fuck where was this damned gate man? it seems everybody is just trying to get me irritated, on the other hand, Sewa was so busy with pressing her iPhone11 making her oblivious to what was going on, picking up my phone I dialed oghenetega the gate man's number.

Me: tega where d hell are you?

Tega: "madam, God forbid bad thing ooo hell ke no be me oo", "wetin I wan go dey do for hell, I no go hell ooo".
Jeez this guy is such a stark iliterate.

Me: you know what just come and open the gate am outside.

After waiting for about two more seconds he finally opened the gate. Driving in I noticed sewa was no more on her phone but rather she was scrutinizing the whole compound with her eye, rushing forward Tega began greeting me in his funny usual way of greeting.

"Madam good morning,good afternoon, good evening, how work, you don come back.

No Tega I never come back, I still dey work, I replied him sarcastically, I could bet when we get Inside the first thing I was going to hear will be sewa telling me how stupid I was to employ such a dumb gate man.

"Eheehen madam no vex o say I no open gate on time na soapy cause am".
Soapy!!! I asked in surprise?

Yes na madam, you no know ni na wetin dey trending ooo!!!,

Hearing that sewa burst into laughter.

Trend you mean, I decided to correct him.

Ah madam all of them na dey jare trend o trending o na Sha the same thing.

Eheehen madam make I yarn u finish,the dance eh na everybody Sabi am, infact the song and dance don kolonization my head.
Seriously what's this guy doing as a gate man he sure will do very well in the comedy industry, lol but seriously who named his song and dance step soapy, I swear if everybody were to be like me "ehhn", all this noise pollutants that parade around with the tag, musicians would have "sempe".

Wait oo that reminds me, where the hell is that cousin of mine?, let me quickly go and see what she's doing before she brings my flat down.

Going in I got to found out that she was already doing a tour round the house, sensing I was already inside the house she turned around and was like

"Don't really tell me you don't know about what your dumb gate man was saying",

But you guys should wait ooo, i thought it was only her attitude that sucks, but it seems something is also wrong with her ear buds.

But Sewa I thought you heard when I said I didn't Know about the gibberish he was uttering.

Wait oo fatty are you sure you're in this planet. for Pete's sake it's all over the internet infact almost all celebrities are reacting to it,

Oooooooh I exclaimed!!, that simply explains why I didn't know about it,

Sorry but what are you implying she said?, while still looking at me weirdly,

Sewa what I am trying to say is that am not on any social media so there is no way I would have heard about anything.

Jeez u are kidding me right, like you're not on Instagram, Facebook, WhatsApp, Twitter like babe you seriously need to get a life, but you know what all this are gonna change, there gonna be some real damn changes around, so fatty you better get ready for that.

But seriously do I really need a change in my life, is a change what I've been really missing out in my Life, if so I pray this really turns out positive.

GLOSSARY

"madam, God forbid bad thing ooo". ~~ madam God forbid.

"ma hell ke no be me oo". ~~ ma hell is not for me.

"wetin I wan go dey do for hell, I no go hell ooo". ~~ what am I going to be doing in hell, I didn't go to hell.

"how work, you don come back". ~~ how is work, are you back.

"No Tega I never come back, I still dey work". ~~ No tega am not back, am still at work.

"Eheehen madam no vex o, say I no open gate on time, na soapy cause am" ~~ madam don't be annoyed I didn't open the gate earlier, soapy was the cause.

"Soapy" ~~ a song and dance step brought about by a Nigerian artiste currently trending in Nigeria.

"yes na madam, you no know ni na wetin dey trending ooo!!!". ~~ yes madam, don't you know that's what is trending.

"Ah madam all of them na dey jare trend o trending o na Sha the same thing". ~~ madam they are all the same.

"Eheehen madam make I yarn u finish,the dance eh na everybody Sabi am, infact the song and dance don kolonization my head". ~~ madam let me complete my gist, the dance and the song is what is trending now, infact it is scattering my head.

"ehhn" ~~ used in emphasising a statement.

"sempe" ~~ die down.