Convergent

Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Tris

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I had been right. When Tobias came home that night two weeks ago, my theory was proven.

I was pregnant.

Tobias may have been more excited that I was, though I would have never suspected him to be so into it as he is.

The way we saw it: we were going to be a family now. We thought we would have big responsibility coming, but it was worth it.

Tobias said that we couldn't stay in our apartment when our kid came. He said that we need to find a real home; one with grass where our child can play, and one where it would be safe.

We didn't want to return to Abnegation, for it reminded us of our past. We didn't want to remember out past; we only wanted to remember the present, and our new future as a growing family.

But all that changed instantly.

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I lay in bed, tucked in the white covers with Tobias's arm around me, and his chin against my shoulder.

I am awake, thinking of a little girl, with blonde hair, dressed in a sundress, running up and down a grassy hill, shrieking with joy. Tobias runs up to her, and picks her up in one swift movement, swinging her around in circles. Her hair flies in the wind, and covers her face.

No matter how hard I try, I can't see her face. I can't tell if she looks like Tobias or me, or even the color of her eyes. In every vision and in every dream, I can never see my daughter's face.

I close my eyes and smile, tucking my chin over the covers.

I feel a sudden trickle from underneath the covers. Frowning, I slowly sit up, removing myself from his arm. I feel as if I just peed and I am covered with it or it's-

I swiftly move the covers away and my heart stops.

Red stains the white sheet. Blood. My blood.

No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!

I sit up and see where the blood is coming from. A small shriek escapes my mouth, and tears fall from my eyes. Tobias is instantly awake and looks over.

His jaw clenches.

I am crying, leaning over the bloody sheets mixed with my tears. Tobias sits up and pulls me into his chest, holding his arms around my body, rocking me back and forth, back and forth.

My tiny gasps of air become screams and more tears flow my my eyes as I lean against his chest.

"It's okay, Tris," he says. A tear rolls down his cheek, and builds up at his chin, then drops onto the sheets. My hand wraps around his neck as I continue to cry.

I lost my baby. I had a miscarriage.

As my eyes close, I visualize the little girl in my dreams, who has blonde hair and is dressed in a sundress, run up the hill and into the sun.

"Sorry I have to leave mommy," she says, without turning back. "But I'll see you when you come later." Her voice disappears with the girl.

I sit crying as Tobias rocks me, whispering the same thing over and over again, with the sound of the city below us and the rain sprinkling on the window.