𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 (jenzie)

chapter one

...

kenzie

...

"WHEN ARE YOU FINALLY GOING TO DUMP HIS ASS?" my sister, maddie exclaimed over the phone.

"what?! why would i break up with a-ashton he's a g-great boyfriend?!" i stuttered back. 

"what do you mean "wHaAaT?!" he is a horrible person kenz! you could do so much better!" she replied.

i really wish i could, i really do.. i thought.

"well.. i like him and so do the fans, so for right now i'm good w-with ashton. got to go mads, i'll talk to you later" i say quickly.

"wait macken-" i cut her off, clicking the end call button.

i toss my phone on my bed, and flop down sighing. i stare at the ceiling of me and ashtons apartment bedroom, falling into deep thought.

i can't keep living like this. but there's no way i could ever break up with ashton. he will kill me, literally.

you may be wondering, how did i even get myself into this shitty relationship?

well, let me start at the beginning..

when i turned 18, i decided to move out to los angeles to help my singing and dancing career grow. around five months later i finally got signed with a record label. one day my manager suggested i do a collaborative cover with this other singer named ashton to gain more followers, and i agreed. so we figured out a time when we could meet up to film.
the day came and ashton was really sweet and super flirtatious. we then talked over a couple song choices and ended up doing a cover of "shallow" by lady gaga and bradley cooper. we both gained a large amount of likes and new followers and our fan bases loved it and immediately started shipping us. so we continued to occasionally meet up and film covers. he was always very charming.
one day after doing our third cover together ashton asked me if we wanted to just hangout as friends one day, without it being for filming a cover. i said yes and we ended up going out to lunch. he was always cracking jokes and flirting the whole time and it was quite charming. so eventually after lots of other hangouts he asked me out and we started dating.
the first six months of dating were heaven and he was always the sweetest! dropping off flowers to my apartment occasionally, bringing me starbucks while i was at work, sending me cute texts throughout the week, and more. i even dropped my first single after being signed and it was a huge hit,  ashton was super supportive and proud! but my sister still thought there was a strange vibe about him, and did not grow to like him whatsoever. i didn't listen to anything she said and just went on with dating him. later on i met this other girl who is signed with the same record label, named annie and we became good friends. we even went on a couple double dates with her boyfriend asher and of course ashton.
on ashton and i's one year anniversary we announced it to our fans that #kashton was real and they were very happy and so were we.
around two months later was the first time i saw ashton's other side... his abusive side.
we had decided to chill at his place and watch a movie one night. in the middle of the movie he was being really touchy and forceful, i remember telling him that i wasn't in the mood and he kept bringing up how i never was, and i never did this, or i never did that.. so i tried apologizing and asking where this whole moodiness was coming from.. and it really upset him to the point where he called me a slut and slapped me. i then ran home crying. ashton came over the next day with tons of flowers and chocolates apologizing like crazy... and my dumbass forgave him. but there was still a big hand-mark bruise on my cheek for around two weeks. no one noticed because of the loads of makeup i was wearing to cover it up.
ashton continued to say he was sorry and didn't know what got into him that night, for the next couple of weeks.
around six months later of much better dates, ashton asked me to move in with him! i was really shocked but i accepted the offer! i was excited to live with him and his cute little dog, max. i finally got settled in after a few weeks and decided to go live on insta with ashton announcing the news. fans were commenting "awww so cute!!" "they are COUPLE GOALS AW" "who wanna bet they'll get married" and other similar things.
it made me think... if ashton proposed would i say yes?
hell no. but why would i feel like that? he was a great boyfriend.
at the time. well except for that one slip up, i thought.
i shrugged it off and forgot about my weird gut feeling.
such a dumbass.
anyways, the rest of the year passed by quickly with a couple other slip ups in the relationship, which is normal.. anyways, i was really enjoying living with his dog because i had a dog back home that i
missed dearly. so i thought everything was pretty good at that point.
but then things took a turn for the worse. ashton started forcing me to sleep with him when i wasn't in the mood and he would be so rough i would bleed for days afterwards. i would tell him he was hurting me and he didn't listen and would just call me horrible things and hit me.
every-time i would get home from work he would hit me, leaving another bruise for me to cover up with makeup. i started looking so weird because of the makeup all over my body trying to hide the scars and bruises.
one day i had the courage to break up with him, so i planned it all out at work, like what i was going to say. i was happy to finally end the now abusive relationship between us. so when i walked through the door i went right to our room where ashton was lounging. i told him how i couldn't do this anymore, how he was horrible to me, and that i was going to get all my stuff taken to my new apartment in the morning. but then it got him really upset. so upset that he grabbed the lamp from the bedside table and threatened to hit me over the head with it. i begged him not to. but he just started talking, i remember his exact words..
"oh really you ugly bitch wanna break up huh? well guess what whore, there's no way you can get away from me now.. i know where your parents live, where your sister lives, and of course all of your little friends back in pittsburgh... so i suggest that you little slut don't go running to the police, any fans, or anyone you know and tell them about this.. because if you do i will kill you, and everyone you care about," he then laughed the ugliest and coldest laugh ever. "you're mine you little slut so don't ever try getting away again." and then he smashed the lamp on my head and i blacked out. i'm pretty sure while i was blacked out he raped me. again.
so i just gave up and stayed with him so no one i loved would get hurt, because i know what ashton is
capable of.

so he continued hitting me daily, verbally abusing me, and of course sexually abusing me whenever he felt like it.

to say i was terrified, was an understatement. i became very depressed and would self harm almost every night, it was my escape, it still is. ashton started drinking more which made the abuse way more violent and painful. but even with so much horror going on behind the scenes. we still posted content like we were the perfect couple and everyone believed us. i started to give up hope of ever escaping the hell hole i was trapped in. every single time i tried to run away, he would just find me again and punish me so bad i could barely breathe afterwards. i gave up on trying to run away after 4 times. so that leads us to now. 3 1/2 years of this shit relationship that i'm stuck in probably for life.

i feel so alone. i cant tell anyone anything. it's too dangerous. i've been lying to my friends and family for so long. and they all believe when i say "ashton's a great boyfriend" except maddie, she had a bad feeling about ashton from the beginning and still does.
i wish i could tell her.
the only living being i am able to vent to is max, ashton's dog. i know it sounds ridiculous but i feel like even though he's a dog, he can understand me in a way. but it's hard with only being able to talk about how i feel to a dog, because... well it's a dog for heavens sake.

i keep blaming myself for not listening to maddie, or listening to my gut feeling.

i also have now started to believe ashton's words.
that maybe i am a ugly slut who deserves nothing.

because if you think about it.. i, mackenzie frances ziegler, have put every single person i care about in terrible danger because of this relationship.

it's my fault. this is all my fault.

i then snap out of my thoughts when i hear the doorknob of our front door twisting open. i sit up quickly and realize i have been crying.
uh oh.
if ashton sees me crying he will punish me.
i frantically run to the bathroom and lock myself inside. i can hear his footsteps getting louder. when they suddenly stop. i let out a breath i didn't know i was holding. and then the door to our bathroom suddenly flies off it's hinges and almost kills me.

at the now broken entrance to our bathroom, stands a very unhappy ashton.

i close my eyes ready for the punishment i know i am going to receive.

why me.

...

AUTHORS NOTE
this is some sad shit... anyways, please let me know honest thoughts on this chapter!! i'm brand new to this writing stuff and really need some feedback to help me! i have a couple more chapters already pre written, but i will only post them if anyone starts reading this book haha! thanks for reading this trash if you are lol!!!
xo, E <3