The Deadly Alphabets

Chapter 11

****K****

March 16

It's been a while since I've been able to write. I've been too scared to say anything since "Black Friday". Every since that day, the day I had to "give up" my baby, my heart has been empty. And I have nothing to say...to anybody. Not to my hateful mom or Holiday dad, not my pervy brother Malcolm, and definately not people at school. Even if I wanted to tell someone from school, I couldn't. Mom took me out of school. She told them she was going to homeschool me. Well, I've been home since December, and I'm still waiting for this school to start.

If life isn't oppressive enough, mom finds a way to make it worse. Im not allowed to go outside anymore. Mom said slutty retards like me shouldn't be around decent people. I stay in my room all day crying and reading. (Sometimes I switch things up a bit, and read first.) One of mom's old boyfriends, Books, gave me a lot of books before he left her... Us. I usually don't get attached to any men she brings around. They're in and out so quickly and they never talk to me. I quit trying to remember their names. So I make up names for them, like "Mr. Mustache", " Tall Tattoo", and "Books".

Books was different though. He was nice to me, and talked to me like a real person. He always had a book with him and he would ask me about going to college and having a career. I never answered him. I never said a word to him, but he would continue talking to me. I'm 11 and he is the only person I felt cared about me. I didnt understand how someone that nice could like someone so evil like mom. He deserved better. One day he bought me a bag full of books, and told me to read everything I get my hands on if I ever wanted to get away from mom. ( How did he know I wanted to get as far away from her as possible?) I never saw him again. Apperantly, neither did mom. She starved and beat me with a stick for two days after that. She said I was trying to steal her man, and that's why he left. If I would've known that was going to be my last time seeing Books, I would've spoke to him. I would have said " Take me with you".

Mr. Boom is mom's new boyfriend. (I named him that because he stomps around and slam doors a lot. He's always getting mad and yelling about the smallest things ). He said he used to own a resturant before he moved here. He likes going to the store, buying big hunks of meat, and chopping it up himself. Sometimes when he chops the meat, he gets this weird look in his eyes. He doesn't let mom help. He gets mad if she tries. Needless to say, he's no Books, but mom trys to act nice when he's around. Instead of slut, I'm sweetie. Instead of retard, I'm princess. And instead of the "B" word, I'm baby girl.

She even kissed me on my forehead one day. It smelled like alcohol, cigarettes, and lies. She hadn't kissed or hugged me before Mr Boom...ever! I've seen her hug Malcolm all the time. I hate her. I hate when evil try to act innocent. She is so fake around Mr. Boom. Malcolm sees it too. I think if she let him see the real her, he would be mad. Deep down, I hope he does get mad at her. So mad that she would change permanatly. As long as I keep quiet and read, I'll be victorious! ( I just learned that word. Thanks Books.) Until next time...

March 18

Last night Malcolm came in my room again. He truly disgust me. The sight of his silhouette in my doorway makes me want to scream. But I've learned the hard way that screaming doesn't help. The only thing screaming ever got me was punched in mouth. No one ever comes to my rescue. He climbed in my bed, raised my gown and put his hand in my panties. I didn't scream. Then he started kissing me on my neck. I felt like my skin grew legs and crawled off my body. I wanted to throw up. But I didn't try to stop him, and I did not scream. Then he started taking off my panties. My hand slid underneath my pillow. I think the perv thought I was enjoying it.