Meant To Be

Chapter 40- Realization

Ella's POV

"Ella..." he moved toward me but I stopped him with a hand gesture.

I made a decision to keep working here because I can't keep running away from my own fate. But I have to be strong enough to face the situation. Where do i go to again? I didn't want to run any longer. I'm stronger than that. I'm going to face everything life throws at me. I'm not that girl any longer. I wasn't the same girl from some months back. Now, I'm an upgraded version of Ella Karen Lawrence. I'm more stronger now. I'm not a runner.

I didn't have a reason to run this time. He is not my boyfriend, so I can't say he cheated. This is a fact and i want to accept it and carry on with life.

"It wasn't what you thought, Ella. It was suppose to be a perk on the cheek, she turned last minute. Believe me. I will never do that to you. She is just a friend"

"Yeah, I get it, and you don't have to explain. In fact I don't deserve an explanation or apologise. As a matter of fact, I'm perfectly fine with everything and you should be too. So now I want to work here in peace and if that is too much to ask, I better find a new job." this rendered him speechless. Not for a minute, hour or day, but for weeks.

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After so many weeks, I'm back to the same place, my thinking spot...the park.

This time I did remember to leave Lena a note, as I didn't want to disturb her sleep.

Sitting quietly and mindlessly enjoying the early morning fresh air around the silent park. My mind drift to the happenings of the past three weeks.

I could see the hurt in his dark green eyes. Ever since that day, I haven't seen those light green eyes I love staring at. He doesn't shout or do his usual bossing, he just turned to this reserve man who seem to have something to say, perhaps a lot to say but for reason choose to stay mute. We went to minding our businesses. And that is the most hardest thing to do. I see the hesitation when he want to hug me after a deal is successful, something we used to share passionately. I miss his sensual tease, his kisses, his hot breathe on my skin. I reminisce our night together ever little chance I get and I miss that too. I wish I could relive those memories.

I on the other hand, have not being my self either but i try to hide under light make up and a fake smile, making it as believable as possible. But I can't fool all.

Lena kept nagging me on how i don't eat much since the incident, not even my favourite food. Eddie too seem to support Ashton, as he said the girl, Mia explained to him everything, that she was ready to cancel her ticket to come explain things to me. I refute to listen though.

As for Jack, well.. He is Ashton's best friend so what do I expect! He kept bugging my ears about how, Ashton have started to drink again, how he is not his self, he doesn't go out and stuff.

All these had me thinking;

Am i being hard on him or myself? or am I being strong? is this what it means to choose to be strong? Am i lying to my friend or myself? I'm not happy and i can't continues under the disguise of being strong. When everyone thinks I'm wrong, i have to rethink my actions.

I need my happiness back. .

And if it lies with Ashton then, i need my Ashton back. I want to be teased, touched, hugged and kissed by him. Why did it take so long for me to give in to this feeling? The feeling of love. I love Ashton and i will have to tell him.

A/N

Guess what, we are getting dangerously close to the end. I know that is not so pleasing! Maybe two or three chapters to go.