5. Self-Doubt

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John comes home with Jaren and Octavia, claiming 'your house is so much closer - why would I want to go all the way to mine?' Jaren doesn't argue back as he is both glad and annoyed at the amount of time he is able to spend with John.

The excess time allows him to determine that these are definitely feelings he has for John but that conclusion itself is not the best one. John is his straight, best friend; this is never going to end well.

Later on John and Jaren, both in sets of Jaren's pyjamas, seat themselves in his gaming chairs as they start up the electronics.

The Discord call pings, signalling the presence of Fitz, SwaggerSouls and McCreamy. "What the fuck is up, pussies?" John yells into his mic.

"The sky," McCreamy replies nonchalantly,

"You at Smii7y's house again, Kryoz?" Fitz asks.

"Again?" comes Swagger's voice. "Why, when was he last there?"

"Yesterday, after this idiot disappeared from that party we were at," John replies, smacking Jaren's head gently and ruffling his hair.

"Fuck off me, bitch. You think I wake up with my hair looking this good?" Jaren runs his hand through the dark strands, trying to get it back to its normal state.

"That's exactly what I know, Smitt. I've seen you wake up with this exact hairdo."

"Y'all in bed together? Ha, gay," Fitz sings.

"No he means-"

"Hell yeah we are, aren't we babe?" John winks at Jaren, who sighs.

"Fuck off, John. No we're not." Jaren's face starts to heat but he fights it down. He can't let John see.

His friend pays him no mind and instead turns back to his mic. "Sorry guys, it's his time of the month, if you know what I mean." The others snigger and though Jaren feels the blush furiously trying to emerge, he joins in with the laughter. It's just John - he means no harm.

After they've played for a while, the two men bid farewell to their friends. "Oi Smii7y, we're all still on for coming over in two weeks, right?" Fitz asks.

"Yep, I'll see you losers then."

"Peace out!" John laughs and ends the call. He spins his chair to Jaren, his legs crossed under himself and hands supporting his face. Jaren thinks he looks adorable in his pyjamas, which are a tad too small for him but he's noticed are flattering for his ass, but he makes sure to keep that comment to himself. He expects John to say something but instead finds him just looking back at him, green eyes curious.

"What?" Jaren quizzes, letting out an awkward chuckle.

John just tilts his head and maintains his gaze at Jaren. "Nothing. I was just thinking you look adorable in those pyjamas." Jaren feels his face warm and this time he can't stop it. "Aww you're blushing, how freaking cute dude!"

Jaren snorts and shoves John's face away with his hand. "You shut up or I'll-"

"You'll what? Kick me out? You love me too much to do that and you know it." John crosses his arms smugly.

"Asshole," Jaren mutters under his breath, knowing full well that John knows he's right.

As it's only 10 p.m., the two decide to watch another movie. It had become their thing during the week Jaren had gone to stay at John's. This time, they settle on a bad rom-com that neither really pays attention to. Jaren finds himself laughing every now and again but when he looks over to John, he finds him stone-faced, staring ahead.

Jaren reaches over to turn the TV off and plunges them into semi-darkness, the only light coming from the lamp in the corner of the room. John is forced to look at the brunette, who turns himself towards John and rests his chin in his hand as he studies his face, the light casting shadows across it. John's brows are furrowed, making wrinkles of worry appear across his forehead. His eyes, usually bright, are shadowed by the darkness of the room and his mouth is turned downward at the corners.

"What's wrong?" Jaren asks softly.

"Nothing's wrong." John smiles weakly at him. Jaren is not convinced.

"John, really, what's worrying you?"

John visibly takes a deep breath before he lets it out, the pressure creating a whistling sound. He takes his painted fingernails and runs the tips through his hair. Jaren likes the way his hair slowly falls back into his face. "I'm nervous, Smitt. About tomorrow night. What if she meets me and doesn't like me or thinks I'm weird or-"

Jaren brings a finger to John's lips and forces his eyes to his own. "Listen to me right now. There is positively no way in hell she won't like you. You are the most amazing person I've ever met and if she doesn't fall in love with you after getting to know you, there's something wrong with her, not you."

John says nothing, staring at Jaren in the dim light. He breaks the silence after a while. "Thank you." He places a hand over his friend's, which has come to rest on his knee. "I'm really glad you're my best friend."

Jaren sighs internally. "Of course. Let's head to bed." John gets up first and surprises Jaren by maintaining the contact between their hands. He slips his fingers between Jaren's and gives them a squeeze. Jaren feels warmth bloom in his chest.

They separate when they reach the guest bedroom, where the blonde pulls Jaren in for a quick hug before wishing him a good night. Jaren does the same and then skips dozily down the hallway and into his room before diving onto his bed.

That was the first time they'd held hands. And he'd enjoyed it far too much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have all of 'You' written already, so I'm thinking... should I publish one part a day or is that too much? Would it be better to keep it to one part every two days?

As always, I hope ye enjoyed!

~LC

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