You || Krii7y

9. No Means No

Jaren is standing by the drinks table, swaying gently to the beat of the music as it pulses everywhere around him. His mind is fuzzy and he can feel how delayed his movements are when he looks around at all the people. Maybe he should slow down with the drinks. He looks back to his right to see a girl getting closer, her eyes on him.

"Hi," she purrs as she reaches him. He watches as her fingers immediately reach for a strand of her dark hair that she twirls as she undoubtedly checks him out.

"Hello," Jaren says uncertainly. His lack of vision in the dark lighting means he has to really look at her to see who he is speaking to. She has shoulder-length black hair and the shortest skirt Jaren has ever seen. If she toned down her makeup, he thinks, looking at the fake eyelashes that touch her brows and the crudely overlined lips, she would be what people call pretty. "Can I help you?"

"I don't know, can you?" She leans closer to him and Jaren subconsciously takes a step back as he smells the alcohol on her breath. This isn't good.

"Um... no, I don't think I can. Sorry," he apologises and moves to get away. He feels an arm on his shoulder as she forcibly spins him around and suddenly she's in his way again.

"Chill, babe. Dance with me." She moves his hands towards her waist and Jaren squirms.

"I'm good, really. I don't dance."

"Not even for me? Come on, you know you want to," she grins, swaying her hips in an attempt to convince him.

"No. I'm not interested," he counters, raising his voice but he is ignored as she forces herself to him, her face too close to his for him to feel comfortable. He feels her warm breath on his neck as she moves even closer and his body feels like it's going to shut down. Overwhelmed, Jaren doesn't know what to do and so pushes her away, being sure to be gentle but firm. He watches her stumble back a few steps and talks when the distance between them is acceptable for two strangers talking.

"I am not interested." He looks her in the eye as he says it to make sure she understands. His heart is thudding erratically as she stands still for a few seconds. When she realises what he has said, she looks at him, mouth agape. He shrinks back as her whole demeanour changes from playfulness to anger.

"Why? What, you don't like girls? Is that it? You're a faggot?" she hisses.

The word, though he's heard it before, shatters Jaren internally. His friends joke with it but it's always in the name of humour and they never mean it offensively. He's never heard it be spat out with so much venom and never directed at him. His insides contract as he lets out a shaky breath. He can't breathe.

"What the fuck did you just say?" That distinct voice comes from behind Jaren, whose body immediately de-tenses at the sound. The voice is muffled by the surrounding music and noise and so he turns himself to see John, his usually cheery, friendly features contorted into what Jaren can only describe as pure rage. He watches as John steps closer to the girl. "I did not just hear you say that. Can you not handle rejection? Maybe he just doesn't like your ratchet, desperate ass coming onto him when he didn't ask for it. So what, even if he does like guys? It's 2019, grow the fuck up. You better get the fuck out of his face or so help me, I'll remove you myself and it will not be pretty." Jaren can feel the fury radiating from John and though it's not directed at him, he feels intimidated. It's kind of hot.

The girl, however, squints fiercely between John and Jaren, taking in John's stance as he shields Jaren from her. "Fine," she spits. "You fags can go fuck yourselves."

John laughs darkly. "Gladly. I'd rather that than watch him being harassed by you." The two men watch as she sulks away, muttering under her breath. John then turns to Jaren, his stormy face cooling but clearly still guarded.

"Are you alright?" he asks stiffly and the brunette notices that he refuses to make eye contact with him. Jaren exhales sharply through his nose. He guesses this is just a small break from the silent treatment and that John will go right back to ignoring him. John doesn't even appear to be able to bring himself to look at him.

"I'm fine."

"Do you want me to-"

"I said I'm fine, John. I can defend myself, I didn't need you to do that. I'm going to go home so don't worry about me. Enjoy the rest of your night. Sorry for disrupting it." Jaren walks away without sparing another glance at John, who does nothing to stop him leaving.

***************************

Jaren gets home and climbs straight into bed. This night was supposed to be fun. He was supposed to forget about John and just enjoy himself but the world seems to have it out for him and he can't catch a break.

That girl has really shaken him up. He's never thought much about his sexuality but she's right. He's gay. He's never looked at a girl the way his friends had growing up. Girls can be pretty but guys can be hot.

Jaren finds John attractive but that isn't what led to him developing feelings for his friend. He's fallen for his humour, his kindness, his ability to be unapologetically himself.

And yet, he still feels those butterflies when he thinks about him though John is avoiding him. He can't explain the feelings but he wishes they'd go away. It would make it so much easier to get over John because he isn't coming back. He'd thrown their friendship away for a girl.

A fucking girl.

As he buries his face into his pillow, Jaren finds himself falling asleep distraught about John for a second night in the last week.